Entwinned
by Haqelle
Summary: Who prepares for own death when they're in university? I sure as hell didn't. I never imagined that would actually come to pass, or that I would get a second chance at life. Was this really the best world for a better life? Somehow I really didn't think so… SI/OC
1. Chapter 1

So this idea popped into my head the other day and this is what came out my hands.

Cover is from Google. Thanks Google.

Intro: Who prepares for own death when they're in university? I sure as hell didn't. I never imagined that would actually come to pass, or that I would get a second chance at life. Was this really the best world for a better life? Somehow I really didn't think so… SI/OC

* * *

 ** _Entwinned_**

 _(They say you never appreciate something until it's gone._

 _I thought I understood._

 _I was wrong.)_

I had a good family. I guess. Like every family we had our issues but I think my parents did a relatively good job raising me. We moved around quite a bit.

I got through school and a couple years of university but I never figured out what I wanted to do with my life. I was aimless, just going along with the flow. I was the kind of person to sit in the middle of the class. I avoided the crowds and stuck to myself and my few friends. I was an ordinary person living in an ordinary world.

I never saw myself as someone special.

It worked for a while but I felt pressured to be _doing something._

I never thought I would die before any of my grandparents. I was on my way to visit my paternals when it happened. My dad and I were going together but there was a mixup with the airlines. They apparently overbooked the flight.

Just my luck they messed up my seat in particular, leaving one of us in the lurch. They apologized profusely and got us a other spot on the next plane but one of us had to take the current flight. I was pretty okay with it. I mean, these things happen right? Getting mad at them won't make a difference and they're only doing their jobs. My dad was a bit ticked off but I managed to calm him down.

I told him he could to ahead and take our remaining seat. It was only an hour wait for the next plane so it didn't bother me. I told him I would text him when I landed. We parted ways; him boarding the plane and I followed the steward to the other gate.

I sat in the airport and listened to some music while I waited. Daft Punk was still my favourite after first hearing them more than a decade ago. Eventually my "new" plane was ready so I boarded with everyone else and found my seat. I had a window spot. Lucky!

After an uneventful takeoff I plugged myself back into my phone to keep listening. I had a couple books stored to make the flight pass quicker if I so chose. As it was late and I wasn't scheduled to arrive until the early morning I decided to try and get some sleep for at least part of my five hour flight.

It took a while, its always been hard for me to fall asleep in unfamiliar places. Hotels and planes were big ones for me. I guess it just takes me a while to adapt to new situations, particularly if I get anxious. Eventually I managed to drift off, focusing on relaxing my body and clearing my mind like I had been doing for the past couple years. It expedited the process.

Several hours passed before I awoke. It was dark outside my window. The moon was on the other side of the plane but the clouds far below us were brightly illuminated.

The plane shook.

For an instant, the dark sky erupted in light and smoke. In my groggy state, I thought i could make out flames. Was the engine on fire?

The loud explosion that rocked the plane a few seconds later confirmed my suspicions.

Some people were crying. Others screaming. The captain asked everyone to remain calm but I could hear the nervous fluttering in his voice.

I knew.

We were going down.

My hands clenched the armrests of my seat tightly as I watched the clouds rising slowly to meet us. At our full cruising altitude, it would take us a couple minutes to reach the ground if we kept flying.

At that point I still had hope I would survive.

That didn't last long.

I felt myself sweating. My palms were becoming hot and clammy. I had no idea what to do.

The plane began to spin as we nosed downwards.

The forces inside the plane kept me pinned to my seat and the wall beside me. The seatbelt light came on for whatever good it would do at this point.

As my head was knocked back and forth in my seat, I mused over the irony of my present situation. How did I get so unlucky? If our seats hadn't been screwed up I would be with my dad and probably landing soon. Now? Now I was alone on a plane with people I didn't know as we all rode the steel cocoon to our imminent deaths.

My thoughts went to my dad. Did he have any idea what was about to happen to me? His last words echoed in my mind. " _I'll be waiting for you…"_

Guilt...what on earth would he think when my plane never arrived?

What about my mom? My older brother?

Fuck...what about my grandparents who were anticipating my visit…

The shaking increased as I imagined what I would say to everyone if I saw them one more time.

We were in the clouds now. I couldn't see anything outside my window save for the burning engine and the snapped wing.

I was terrified.

I wasn't scared of the end so much. More what I was leaving behind. My family and friends.

My browser history.

Not so much the last one…

I never got to say goodbye, only, "see you soon."

My mind was racing. When you're about to die, somehow your brain works much faster. You think of all the things you don't want to lose and what you're about to leave behind. I felt ashamed.

I could barely breathe through the g-forces in the plane. I just wished it would stop. That somehow the plane would level out and land safely.

I knew it wasn't going to happen but I still hoped.

A memory came unbidden into my mind. A time when I was little and went on a rollercoaster. It terrified me. Throughout the entire ride I clung to the seat for dear life, praying to gods I didn't believe in that it would be over soon.

I found myself doing the same.

Now I sat, eyes squeezed shut, hands clenched, legs locked, trying to hold on for the ride to be over.

Only this time.

I knew I wasn't getting off at the end.

The only thing I felt as we hit the ground was instantaneous, momentary agony as my body was crushed into the seat in front of me.

My bones crumpled and snapped while my face split apart as the metal capsule compressed. I was killed instantly.

The plane erupted in flame as the fuel ignited, cremating everyone on board in a brilliant inferno.

...

...

I felt warm.

…

...

It was wet.

…

…

I spasmed, reacting instinctively to the crash. I lashed out in terror and I hit something.

...

…

There was something surrounding me.

...

I lay still, my heart beating a mile a minute.

...

I tried to move again but my body was unresponsive.

…

Where was I?

…

Was I dead?

…

I should have been…

…

And yet…

…

I remembered everything.

…

The horrible shaking and uncontrollable fear as I raced to the ground in a death capsule.

…

I flinched again and my leg kicked out.

…

It hit something squishy.

…

Where the fuck was I?

…

Muffled laughter reached me through whatever was holding me. It was high pitched, distinctly feminine.

...

The sound seemed to vibrate through my body.

...

In that moment I felt something different beside me.

It reached out, or rather, we were pushed together. Our limbs entangled.

It was soft, smooth and warm.

So warm.

Instinctively I drew closer to it.

My body was still panicking.

I didn't know where I was or what was happening.

Strangely, the other thing seemed to understand and pulled me closer.

I realized I wasn't breathing.

I must be dead, I thought.

After my sudden demise I was shaken. That was putting it very mildly.

If I ever got out of this warm cocoon I swore I would never fly again.

I had no idea how long I lay in that strange place.

Hours? Days? Weeks?

All I had were my memories of my death that would not leave me alone and my strange acquaintance with me.

I couldn't see. I couldn't hear. I couldn't breathe.

I had to be dead.

But where was I?

What was going on? I was dead. I was sure of it.

Was this the afterlife?

Seemed pretty shitty to me.

Was I in the matrix and finally waking up in my incubator pod?

No… if I was in the matrix I would be fully dead now as my brain would have been destroyed. But that was just a movie so there's no way something like that could be happening.

I was clearly aware of my situation. I had all my memories with me.

Something was happening.

I could faintly hear voices outside my chamber.

The soft warm walls were tightening. Why? What was happening?

My companion and I had been shifting for the last while. I think we were now upside down but it was hard to be certain.

My limbs drifted slowly in the fluid surrounding me. My body still felt strange but I didn't know what was going on.

The walls squeezed me again. It didn't hurt exactly but it felt like I was being moved through a tube.

It was rather disorientating.

The next thing I knew it was cold. Very cold.

I gasped, choking and sputtering as I reflexively began breathing as a pair of large hands held me.

Sounds assaulted my sensitive ears while my eyes had yet to open.

Cries of laughter, pain, excitement.

I was wrapped me in a soft blanket before being passed to someone else. Their hands were so soft and gentle. They tenderly pulled me closer.

I collapsed onto whoever held me.

I was alive.

I knew it.

Somehow...I didn't know…

My body was weak, exhausted, and barely responsive to my commands.

I heard a female voice again. She was holding me tightly to her chest, whispering softly to me. I couldn't understand her words.

Were my ears not working properly?

A moment later, another object was pressed against me. It moved.

Its small arms curled around me and I did the same without thinking. It felt right somehow.

A man laughed behind us. He sounded tired but relieved. I could hear it in his voice.

He said something to the woman causing her laugh as well.

...

I recognized two words this time.

…

It felt like they were important somehow.

...

"...Hiro…" the man said.

...

"...Hinami…" the woman spoke in reply.

...

The man and woman continued speaking, it was plain that both were tired. I can only imagine what going through childbirth must have been like; and twins at that.

So.

There I lay, wrapped in the arms of my apparent mother and my apparent twin, wondering what in God's name just happened.

It was of course obvious. I had died. I had been reincarnated into the fetus of a random woman. I had been born.

Again.

Somehow despite the implausibility of my situation, it was the only thing I could come up with. My acceptance was also surprising.

Since I didn't know who this body's parents were yet I wasn't all that worried. Maybe I should have been, but I had little information to go on.

As my twin began squirming around in our mothers arms, I chose the sensible option. I tried to speak.

"Aaaaa…" was all I could do. My throat was stuck and my body unresponsive to the signals I was sending. Apparently babies can't speak like an adult fresh out of the womb.

I imagine it would have been highly unusual for a newborn to be able to form coherent sentences. And it would probably give a bad impression. I don't want them to think I was possessed or something.

There was some excited clapping from the man beside the bed, at least I assumed we were in a bed. I couldn't hear anyone else besides us four, and his enthusiasm was rather unprofessional for a doctor. I could only imagine him as the father.

The woman spoke to my twin and I in a gentle soothing voice as I found myself being reorganized and a nipple shoved into my mouth.

Without prompting, my infantile body latched on and began to feed as the woman stroked my head. She had very big hands...or was I really that small by comparison? It was a long time since I was a baby and I couldn't remember any of it.

Brushing aside any confused feelings about breastfeeding, I drank what was provided for me as I tried to identify the people around me.

It was at that moment when I finally managed to open my eyes and took in my first sight of my new life.

It was a breast.

Obviously.

Did you think I could see anything else besides the mammary I was presently suckling?

Well, no I could not.

However, my action did not go unnoticed as the woman gently turned my head towards her. My eyes widened.

Whoever this woman was, basking in the afterglow of childbirth, she was simply stunning. She was shirtless and her pale skin glistened with a thin sheen of sweat. Her long brown hair was plastered to her neck and forehead with moisture. The woman's warm brown eyes met mine filled and were filled with such joy and pride. Her petite mouth broke into a wide smile as I stared, dumbfounded at my new mother.

She was beautiful. I stared. I didn't know if my reaction was normal. To be perfectly honest, I had never encountered someone who was successfully reincarnated and could explain my current situation. I don't think anyone has done that.

The woman spoke something directly to me but all I could identify was "Hiro" again. Was that supposed to be my name?

I finally made the connection between an oriental woman breastfeeding me and calling me Hiro. I must have been reborn to a Japanese family.

That was cool, I guess. I had wanted to visit Japan before all whatever this is happened so at least now I was getting one wish checked off. It only took dying to do it.

Silver lining, people, silver lining.

The woman turned to her other breast where my twin had apparently opened their eyes as well.

"Hinami!" The woman spoke.

The name was familiar, tugging my brain somewhere. I felt I should recognize it from something.

It probably wasn't that important for the moment.

My mother pulled both of us further up her chest so our heads were right next to one another. For the first time, I gazed at my twin. They had a small tuft of brown hair atop her head, the same colour as our mother.

I don't know what was going through her mind at that point, hopefully it was normal baby thoughts and not the post traumatic terror of a dead man.

They were absolutely adorable.

I had been around when some of my older friends had children so I got to interact with the little ones from time to time. But this one was the cutest looking baby I had ever seen. They had soft brown eyes, staring at me with wonder as their hand crawled its way over to me where our arms joined together.

It was amazing. I could only assume my twin was female with a name like Hinami.

If I recalled correctly, I think I was given to our mother first. Was I born first?

I guess I got the little sister I always wanted.

Our mother held us tenderly. I could feel her love for us in her warm exhausted embrace. Whoever she was, I figured she would make a good mother.

My head rolled to the side as the man came and sat beside her on the bed. I noticed they wore matching silver rings.

He must be our Father.

The man had short black hair a well trimmed goatee. There was a stethoscope hanging from his neck and a white doctor's coat overtop a plain collared shirt. His brown eyes shined down onto me as we looked at one another.

I outstretched one of my tiny arms towards him and my fingers latched onto his thumb. He wiggled his hand back and forth but my grip held. He laughed. I giggled.

I couldn't believe I was actually enjoying myself.

My father gently scooped me up into his arms, lifting me over his head before cradling me against his wide chest. He spoke again to our mother, making her smile again.

I managed to pick out a few more words this time. Anata, chiisai and kawaii.

Seems he was fond of me.

He pointed to himself, making sure I was watching, and exclaimed "Otou-san!"

Then pointing with my own hand at my mother, "Okaa-san!"

Finally, at my twin sister gazing at us curiously, "Hinami-chan!"

My twin giggled excitedly, not understanding anything but enjoying the fact our mother was tickling her gently as he hugged her.

As my new father cradled me in his arms once more, my eyes drifted shut. I was so tired.

A part of me anticipated waking up on the plane and discovering that this whole this was all a strange, but very detailed, dream. I hoped that's all this was.

I couldn't sleep. Of course I couldn't. Not after everything that just happened.

I had been changed into some rather soft pajamas at some point and I lay atop my mother's chest, my twin in her other arm. The beautiful woman was resting with a deeply contented smile on her face.

My new mother seemed to understand there was something wrong with me. I was curled up tightly on her chest with my head beneath her chin. She gently stroked my head, whispering softly to me.

I still couldn't understand the words but I recognized it was Japanese. At least that elective in university would come in handy after all. Knowing hiragana and katakana would definitely give me a leg up but my vocabulary was sorely lacking. I was afraid to start learning kanji...that was a daunting task looming in the back of my mind. It seemed my brain was trying to focus on anything other than my recent trauma. Classic disassociation.

Whether or not it was working, I was still very shaken up after my death.

My tiny hands clenched and unclenched relentlessly. I spasmed, kicking out with my small feet. It must have looked like I was restless as she held me gently, but firmly enough that I wasn't going anywhere.

My twin, Hinami had fallen asleep and was currently with our father in a chair across the room. He rocked her gently back and forth with a wide smile on his face.

At least everyone else was relaxed and happy.

I tried to inhale and my attempt at breathing quickly morphed into a wailing cry. I was ashamed. Tears filled my eyes as I wept.

I was a baby.

So I cried like one.

Whatever life this was, why did I have to remember who I used to be? Why leave me with the agony of leaving everyone behind. They would mourn me. They would weep.

It hurt that I would likely never get to see them again. Even if I found my old family how could they possibly believe it was me…

My thoughts went round and round, spiraling downwards like the plane. There was no escaping my own mind. Trapped in the womb for who knows how long with my twin had likely driven me insane.

If only breathing exercises could work when you were supported by an umbilical cord.

A pair of soft lips pressed onto the top of my head, momentarily distracting me from my slipping sanity.

What was this woman thinking right now? What did she see me as?

She continued stroking my head gently rocking me back and forth. It was surprisingly pleasant. As much as my brain refused to settle down, the effect was much stronger on my new body. It was gradual but my tears stopped and my wails ceased until I eventually relaxed.

I had no clue how she managed to calm me down. My appraisal of my new mother had just improved dramatically. Once again the irony of my behaviour was not lost on me.

I was acting like a baby.

I buried as many plans and ideas as possible and tried my hardest to let go of my thoughts and fears. I concentrated on her steady heartbeat and the gentle rise and fall of her chest. After a long while she eventually coaxed me into slumber.

That first night of my new life I was exhausted and weary; traumatized by my final moments and clinging to the second woman to birth me as a lifeline to my remaining sanity.

I slept like a baby.

 _(There were two important things that transpired that day._

 _The first: I had died and been reborn._

 _The second: Ryouko Fueguchi had just given birth to twins.)_


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: Oh my gosh so many reviews! Thank you everyone for the favourites and follows! This is getting me really excited for this story!**

 **I put my review responses at the bottom. Thanks everyone who is coming along for this ride!**

* * *

As I gradually returned to consciousness, my first thought was thus:

"That was a strange dream."

My second thought upon realizing that I was not wearing shoes and that instead of sleeping seated I was in fact lying on my back was thus:

"Wait a second…"

You know those mornings when you set your alarm so you can go to class but you wake up without it and roll over to check your phone and see that it is exactly the time class starts? And you know how you stare at the clock trying to figure out what is wrong and you have those several moments of confusion before jolting awake and screaming "FUCK!" very loudly?

Yeah…

I was not in a plane. I was not fully clothed. I was not on my way to visit my family. I was on my back. I was wrapped in a soft blanket. Another baby lay next to me and I was wearing a diaper.

I screamed.

I meant to swear, but my infant vocal cords did not have the muscle memory to create my desired word so all that came out was a loud shriek.

' _Shit…'_

My sudden cry seemed to have startled my new parents as they both rushed over in a heartbeat. Two pairs of concerned brown eyes peered down at me. Their expressions morphed into mild confusion as I frowned but made no other sounds.

Oh…

Oh please no…

My father's nose wrinkled as the odour drifted upwards.

At least I had been wearing a diaper...

My mother chuckled and slapped his shoulder before reaching down and lifting me into her arms. If I had known ahead of time that I would have to live through being an infant again, I might have passed on the whole thing all together. Of course, if I had I would be dead so at the bare minimum I had hopefully a longer life ahead of me.

As my new mother extracted me from the crib, my twin cried out. Hinami was looking back and forth trying to see where I had gone after I woke her with my scream. My new father quickly scooped her up and kissed her forehead. She giggled as his stubble tickled her face. As the least that calmed her down somewhat.

I squirmed as I felt the wetness in my baby pants. This was not going to be a fun time. Training my bowels had just moved up my to do list quite substantially. It was now tied with being able to sit up on my own but I was only one day old, I would get there...hopefully soon...please?

Of all the things you expect to happen if you are born again, having your diaper changed has got to be one of the most overlooked. It was embarrassing. She was tired from the night previous but our mother made an effort to engage me as she cleaned and changed me. She spoke to me but still I could only understand my name. I didn't know if I loved her, a woman I had just met, but I was certainly beginning to respect her.

After finishing, she kissed me as I clutched a small handful of her soft hair. It seemed to remind her of something because she quickly put me back into the crib then left the room. Soon after I heard water running. I didn't blame her. After birthing and changing a dirty diaper, I would want a shower too.

Hinami and I had been put into our crib about an hour ago. I think. It was actually quite hard to tell what time it was. It was still dark outside from what I saw so I seemed to have slept for a couple hours with my mother before being put down the first time.

Our father had given us a quick inspection while mother was bathing. It seemed he actually _was_ a doctor, even if he wore shorts and flip flops. A doctor meant he had a job, a source of income of some sort. That was a reassuring sign.

I panicked when I realized I wasn't aware of my new gender yet. I assumed with the name "Hiro" I was male but it wasn't until my new father proved such during his exam. He was very thorough.

For that I was thankful. I wasn't sure how to react if I was missing my two best friends, though I suppose I had different friends now? Even if I was male again, I was not looking forward to going through puberty a second time. This entire reincarnation thing was going to drive me crazy.

Judging from our meagre lodgings I assumed we were not the most well to do family. After observing my new parents interactions with each other and Hinami, I figured monetary success was not their first priority.

Family was.

It seemed our 'home' was in the back of a clinic. I didn't get the full tour but that could wait a bit. Which reminded me, why weren't we in a hospital? Was it because it would be expensive so my parents decided to have a home birth? If my new father was a doctor it made sense I suppose.

A thought crossed my mind. Did this mean he ran a back alley clinic? I wondered if he had any suspicious patients or had ties to the Mafia or something. I suppose I could find out eventually.

I only got a small glimpse of my new abode, humble enough for my tastes, though I figured it would be a while before I could get out and explore.

And therein lay my problems.

I was now a newborn! I couldn't walk. I couldn't talk. I couldn't even crawl yet! Shit, this was going to be torture! I had been steadily breaking out of my introverted shell in my previous life but now I was going to be trapped inside the body of a child with no one to talk with. At least then I had the option to communicate with people and hold a conversation.

I hoped my own self awareness wouldn't drive me insane, caged within my mind as I was.

My sister's arm flailed, colliding with my face.

Ow.

She giggled.

Damn it! Why do you have to be so adorable Hinami? I couldn't ever hate you even if I tried. It seemed her laughter drew the attention of our parents across the room.

There were only a handful of spaces in our modest home. After birthing us in the clinic, our mother brought us back into our living space where she deposited us in our crib in their room. I didn't mind. At least we would be close by in case we needed anything.

Our mother's face loomed over the railing of our crib, her freshly washed hair still damp and clinging to her neck. She smiled warmly at us with such affection in her soft gaze. She truly loved us. Both of us.

I made a few random babbling noises as I outstretched my arms towards her. It was a start at least. The woman laughed before letting me grab hold of her fingertips. They were so soft and warm between my tiny hands.

Her smile began to fade as we looked at one another. I wasn't about to start crying again. Or I hoped not. Stupid baby body not cooperating. She looked into my eyes and I couldn't turn away. I could barely move my head by myself at this point so it wasn't exactly on my list of possible responses.

She seemed to realize something as he watched me. I didn't know what but whatever shadow came over her quickly fled as she replaced her smile. It looked a bit strained...what was she thinking about?

Part of me wondered if she saw something in my eyes that gave me away. I hoped not. That would likely ruin our relationship if she ever found out she had given birth to a young adult. Still, it was a bit unsettling. It was as if she was searching for something. My fingers gripped hers tightly for a moment, drawing her attention back to me. My new mother smiled again, more genuine this time and she leaned down to kiss my nose.

She smelled wonderful.

* * *

Those first couple weeks was relatively uneventful. There wasn't much I could do and my body seemed to only want to feed, shit, and sleep. The last one was nice, it was a good way to pass the time and a means to escape my overactive imagination. I was still having trouble sleeping on my own. Whenever I closed my eyes I was back in the plane racing towards the ground getting bounced around listening to the screams of the other passengers oh shit there I go again no stop it!

Thankfully, Okaa-san (as I had begun calling her in my head to differentiate from my past) seemed to realize I was having trouble so she would hold me and let me listen to her heartbeat as I drifted off. If I didn't end up with some serious ptsd after this was over I would be rather surprised.

I was grateful for her help at least.

I was beginning to recognize more words. I had studied the sentence structure so I would probably the smartest kindergartener they ever did see when I got there. All I really needed to do was expand my vocabulary and relearn how to write. Talking probably came first though. I did eventually learn my Okaa-san and Otou-san's names by listing to their conversations: Ryouko and Asaki Fueguchi.

Again, the names felt familiar to me somehow. Maybe I had read them in a book or something. Whatever the connection, I brushed any concerns aside. It wasn't worth worrying over. Especially at this point because I was only a few weeks old and what the hell could I possibly do except stress myself out about it. Not that it helped much.

I was stressed enough as it was.

That was a big goal at the moment. I needed to relax. I was barely coming to terms with my own death and having to relearn how to to do, well, _everything again_ was a rather daunting task. I had been working on a list for the past few days on things I wanted to accomplish this time around.

Number one: not to bite my fingernails. It was a nervous habit that stemmed from my anxiety which, as most people probably deal with some form or another, sucks. I also wanted to be ambidextrous. I used to be right handed. Not trying to learn the other way until much later made it that much harder. I figured if I took the time to learn writing again with both hands, it would be pretty valuable. At least I thought so. It was also possible I was just coming up with goals based upon passing whims from my previous life. It was a place to start anyway.

My third goal was to exercise properly. While I relatively slim, I stopped playing sports toward the end of highschool and my fitness fell by the wayside. I had been getting back into shape before my death so I could appreciate the value of being physically healthier. I was being a lot more careful of my diet towards the end, I knew what foods didn't agree with me. My mouth began watering as I remembered the taste of bacon and steak. I was looking forward to eating meat again.

I went through my mental checklist as I daydreamed. So far most of my goals were related to improving myself for when I grew up based on what I learned doing them first time. But that led to one of my fears and a rather depressing topic.

I missed my computer.

I missed my games.

Hopefully with technology improving at the rate it had been when I died things would be even better by the time I grew up again. That was something to look forward to.

 _(The possibility I had reincarnated into an alternate universe had yet to occur to me.)_

Hinami and I had just been fed and bathed so the four of us were sitting together in our living room. Now that Ryouko had recovered from the ordeal of birthing us, we were spending more and more time out of our crib.

Well, two of the four were sitting. My twin and I were lying on a blanket on the floor between our parents as they talked about something or another. My current goal reminded me a lot of Kill Bill Vol. 1, wherein she lies in the back of the Pussy Wagon willing her legs to recover from paralysis.

At least she had the existing motor controls there to be able to start with her toe. Whenever I tried my leg would spasm and fly all over the place. It amused my parents greatly. My sister seemed to be trying to emulate me as she was also flailing her limbs around, occasionally smacking me which I was not so appreciative of.

I looked back and forth between my parents, trying to follow their conversation. In addition to Hinami's and my name, I kept hearing the word taberu in its various conjugations. I remembered it as the verb 'to eat.' They both seemed to be getting anxious as the conversation went on but I wasn't sure what to make of it.

Could they not afford groceries? Was it too far to the store or something? I wondered why they were getting so worked up about it. Come to think of it, they never ate breakfast in the mornings and seemed to only drink coffee and water. I hoped they were taking care of themselves. I was a long way away from being self sufficient.

Hinami and I were being breastfed by Okaa-san regularly so maybe they were discussing at what point to put us on solid foods? I couldn't remember as it was never something I had to worry about before. Still, that was at least a few more months or so away so what were they worried about?

I managed to lift my leg and touch my toes without too much excessive flailing. Nice! Now let's try the other foot! My excited babbling drew their attention to me, disrupting whatever is was they had been talking about. It seemed to cheer them up as they both smiled, a bit of optimism returning to their faces. At least I could do that much for them.

* * *

At four months, I accomplished another major goal: I managed to sit up all by myself. My parents were ecstatic. They threw a little party and everything. It was sweet of them. Otou-san brought home some more stuffed animals for us to mark the occasion. I think Hinami was jealous though, she was trying to copy me and she wasn't able to do it yet. I had a bit of an unfair advantage.

At six months I was crawling. Finally having my first real taste of freedom, I was scooting around the house every chance I got. Okaa-san would stay home with us during the daytime so she would be busy watching over us as I crawled around and my sister tried to do the same. She was getting there.

It struck me as odd that there we no photographs in our home. My parents didn't have many possessions. We we that poor? They didn't strike me as minimalists but after that I became more aware of how sparsely decorated our home was. It was as if my parents were constantly prepared to leave at a moment's notice.

Otou-san worked in the clinic most days so he was kept busy with a variety of patients. Most of them seemed nice, there was an elderly couple who came by every few weeks. There was one time a group of young men came by to see him. One of them was pretty badly injured. There was a lot of blood. Okaa-san had taken us into the bedroom and locked the door. I could unfortunately hear the yells and screaming as Otou-san tried to help him. Most of his patients were well behaved but there were some who made a lot of noise and it sounded like they were throwing stuff around. Was that normal for small clinics like ours?

By the time we reached our first birthday I had been walking unassisted for two months already. I remembered that in my old life, I took my first steps on my first birthday. I was pleased I was making good progress! Regrettably, I was still shackled with a diaper. Stupid things chaffed like a mother fucker. At least I was developing better control so I wasn't going at random times but it would likely still be a while before I could use a toilet without falling in. I eagerly awaited the day.

Okaa-san had begun reading to us during the daytime while Otou-san was busy working. She taught us words and objects. Well, she taught me. My sister was too busy trying to walk and look at anything but what she was showing us. It was really helping my vocabulary a lot. I was starting to form basic sentences though I made sure to stay at a similar level as my twin. Learning a second language is always challenging. I had a good understanding of hiragana and katakana so total immersion was an excellent way to build from that.

It was getting easier to follow conversations as time passed but there were still a lot of words I didn't know. Fortunately it hide my intelligence because I was actually trying to learn to speak a new language just as any child would. This manner of instruction was very pleasant and natural.

"Well done Hiro! I'm so proud of you!" Okaa-san said when I first told her I had to go to the bathroom. I wasn't entirely sure if she was congratulating me on my desire for a clean diaper or the fact I had expressed such. If there was one thing I wanted to avoid, it was a dirty diaper.

As Hinami and I grew, we were moved into the second bedroom of our house. It was nice to get some more space and I was sure our parents were glad to have their room back. If it was my child, I wouldn't want to have them sleep in my room all the time. Maybe they were being overprotective but with the number of times I awoke screaming in the night reliving my death and they came to confirm me, I was thankful they were so close.

Fortunately the nightmares had faded somehwat over my first year so I rarely got them anymore but any time I felt vertigo it came back full force. Hinami had recognized by symptoms by now. Any time I started relapsing she would waddle over and hug me. "Hiiwo…shhhh!" She would say. Then she would stroke my hair and press my ear against her chest so I could listen to her heartbeat. She was already taking after our mother.

 _(We didn't have a cake on our birthday.)_

Okaa-san had begun giving us smoothies or broth in the mornings for breakfast. They were bright red and tasted absolutely divine! I didn't know what was in them but hot damn, they were addictive. Sometimes I would get chunky bits in them but those were the best part. So much flavour. I wondered what it was, it was pretty meaty.

It was nice to finally have something other than breast milk.

It surprised with me just how little my parents ate. They seemed to be healthy enough but they always ate after they put us to bed so I never got to see what they had. Whatever it was, it smelled delicious.

Oh well. My baby teeth had been coming in steadily and I was anticipating being able to eat more.

The next months passed relatively uneventfully with the odd exception. Otou-san had been leaving the house one or two nights each week. I never knew where he went but Okaa-san would stay in our room with us until he came home. Any time I looked over at her she seemed nervous. As if she was afraid he wouldn't come home again.

"Why sad Okaa-san?"

It seemed to jostle her from her thoughts. She sighed and brushed her hair over her shoulder before looking closely at me. Our matching brown eyes met and I could see the conflict in hers. I held my gaze as I waited for her to answer. She had been looking at me differently lately, as if something was bothering her that she didn't want us to know.

I sat up in Hinami's and my bed, my blankets pooling at my waist. I was almost two now so I could get away with acting more intelligent. I knew there was something she and Otou-san were hiding. Why else would she lock our door as soon as he got home and he did something in the clinic? Afterwards I would hear him rummaging around in the kitchen before gently knocking on our door to let her know he was finished. Then she would kiss us goodnight if we were still awake then left us alone.

"Where Otou-san go?"

Her eyes widened momentarily in surprise before she looked down at her hands. She seemed to shrink in the dim room, the shadows clawing at her.

"Hiro…"

I bit my tongue to keep myself from blurting out. Maybe I shouldn't be bothering her about it. Just as I prepared to lie down again she spoke.

"Hiro...it's not that I am sad, I worry for our family." She smiled weakly, full of self pity. "Otou-san is trying to help us. I don't want to put the burden on him but it needs to be done…"

She fell silent as I stared at her. In a way, I understood. Even if I didn't know the context I could understand the desire to protect one's family from the harsh realities of our world. I was not a naive child. Even if I wasn't directly exposed to such things in my past life.

 _(I had no idea how naive I still was)_

"We be okay?"

Ryouko came and sat on our bed beside me, lifting me into her lap. I leaned against her chest and she rested her chin on my head, kissing me tenderly. "I hope so Hiro, I hope so." My mother wrapped her arms around me tightly, afraid I would disappear if she let go.

Hinami had woken up so Okaa-san shifted me to her other side so my sister could join us. We cuddled together on her lap until Hinami fell asleep in my arms.

It was another hour before our father returned. Okaa-san tucked me in but left without saying anything.

* * *

The day I learned the truth of my family and the world into which I had been born began like any other. Hinami and I awoke at about the same time as usual. We had a small pillow fight that turned into wrestling that turned into snuggling that turned into a tickle fight. Our bubbly squeals of laughter eventually drew our parents attention and Otou-san joined in while Okaa-san watched with a large smile.

We were now almost three years old. The reason we were so excited was because we were going to the park today.

Our parents had begun taking us out to explore the neighborhood over the past year. One or the other of them had taken us for walks to let us run around outside. We never ventured far and we still spent most of our time at home.

I didn't remember my first years of my past life. My time with my old family was fading away with each passing day. It felt like a _past life_ now, not something I had been snatched from and dropped off here.

Asaki, Ryouko, and Hinami were my family. I had accepted that fact long ago but it took much longer to accept on an emotional level. I am Fueguchi Hiro.

I still thought about my previous life quite often, mostly reminiscing or thinking of things I would have done differently. My knowledge gave me a huge advantage now but there was so many new things to learn. Language and culture were definitely the big ones. Canada and Japan were quite different.

Okaa-san had been teaching us to write. By that I mean we had colouring supplies and paper so Hinami and I would draw and make all sorts of doodles. I had been asking her to teach me so I could practice a bit. My little fingers gripped my crayon tightly as I carefully drew out the character for "a". It was atrocious. At least I had the memory of how to draw them, I just needed to teach my body.

So far my scrapbook was filling with incredibly poorly drawn and unrecognizable characters from my favourite games and shows from before. Many times Okaa-san would compliment me on my imagination.

It was now about noon so Otou-san would be preparing my smoothie. I still couldn't figure out what was in them. They were surprisingly metallic and meaty but I didn't recognize the taste. They always tasted divine and each batch had a different subtle flavour. Whenever I asked what was in them my father would put a finger to his lips and wink mischievously. Then we would laugh and I would drink my smoothie while he poured himself another cup of coffee.

Okaa-san had taken Hinami with her to the store nearby to pick up a few things for our outing later that afternoon. At that moment I was by myself as my father was in the kitchen. Seizing the opportunity to move around, I pushed myself up and carried my notebook into the clinic. It was a Sunday and he had closed up for the day to go out with us.

Finding a good spot on the floor, I sat down with my paper and crayons to begin colouring. Several failed attempts at drawing Master Chief later, my father came to join me with our drinks.

"What are you drawing today, Hiro?" He asked between sips of his black coffee, adjusting his glasses to make out my rather messy and confusing artwork.

I held up my recent masterpiece grinning widely, proudly displaying my work and full set of teeth. "A superhero! He's fights aliens!"

He cocked an eyebrow at my incredibly crude rendition of a rocket-launcher-bearing-Spartan and the crowd of brightly coloured Grunts being turned to a messy pulp. I even remembered the blue blood. "I see." Was all he said. I don't think it looked anything remotely like what I was aiming for.

The man laughed, reaching across and ruffling my dark brown hair before taking my paper and putting it on the floor between us. He then handed me my sippy cup containing another delicious brew. The dark red liquid disappeared down my throat as I upended it and chugged the whole thing.

"Someone's hungry today! Did Okaa-san forget feed you this morning?" He placed his empty cup on the tray, smirking as he did so.

I sighed happily as I finished my drink. "It tastes good, I want more!"

My father seemed to consider the idea before shaking his head. "Let it hit digest first. It's not good to overeat and we cannot afford to waste food."

"Haaaai!"

 _(We cannot afford to waste food)_

* * *

My father and I left our house and began the walk to the agreed upon park. It was a perfect day. The skies were clear. It was a warm and sunny summer day. We passed the numerous shops and restaurants near our house, even though we lived in a somewhat rundown area. Tokyo was an interesting city. We never ventured far from our home so I didn't get to see much of it, unfortunately.

Asaki and I made our way to the park to meet up with the female half of our family. We arrived before them it seemed, as neither of them were in sight. Otou-san seemed to be checking his watch often. It wasn't a big deal if they were a bit late, right?

After giving my father a hug, I ran over to the playground. There were a few other families here with a handful of children running around. I made my way under the large plastic dome with my colouring book and unpacked my pencil case.

After several minutes of drawing a slightly oval-shaped death star, I heard the delighted laughing of my twin as she and mother arrived. I always knew when Hinami was close by. I hadn't confirmed if it was a psychic-link thing unique to twins or what but somehow I just knew. For some reason my hearing had been sharpening. I probably wouldn't have noticed it if I didn't have a comparison but my ears seemed much more acute. Same with my sense of smell. I wasn't sure what was causing it or if my senses had degraded as I aged in my past life.

"Hinami! Over here!" I shouted through one of the many portholes in the structure.

"Coming Hiro!" She squealed happily. I listened to the crackling of pea gravel under her feet as she ran in my direction. A moment later she poked her head through the hole, blocking off a ray of sunlight I was using to draw by.

She climbed in and stood on the other side of my colouring book with her hands on her hips. "Guess what Hiro!"

"Nani?" I reached for my green crayon.

"Muuu Hiro!" She moaned, clearly not impressed with my reaction. "Look at meee!"

Taking the bait, I looked up from my battlestation and the imminent destruction a planet; the ray of sunshine encapsulated her, illuminating her brown hair with shining gold. Her bright yellow sundress was covered in little pink flowers with thin green stems interconnecting them. Hinami grinned widely, proudly displaying her pearly teeth.

She was the cutest child I had ever seen. Not to pat myself on the back, but whenever I went out with my parents people on the street could say how cute a boy I was and stuff like that. Classic "ohh look at you! You're so handsome!" Et cetera, et cetera, et cetera.

I never held a candle to my twin. Maybe it was a female thing. Regardless, I stared, open mouthed, at my adorable sister. How the hell could anyone be so cute. She continually surprised me with just how sweet and perfect she was.

Don't ever lose that smile, Hinami…

 _(...please...)_

"Hee hee!" She grinned triumphantly. It was then I noticed what she was prompting me to see. She had a new hairpin. It was light green with a big blue butterfly on the end. She wore it clipped into her bangs, holding them off her forehead. Okaa-san must have bought it on their way here.

I considered my options and quickly schooled my expression. "New shoes?"

Hinami's bright expression quickly morphed into a teary eyed facade even with gleaming, anime-like watery eyes that yanked my heartstrings with the force of a trebuchet. I don't know how she did it.

"Bakahiro!" My twin cried and threw herself at me. Her foot landed directly on my open colouring book, leaving a dirty footprint on the soon to be destroyed Alderaan. Millions of voices were silenced as I was tackled with the fierce righteous embrace of my sibling.

Rest in peace Alderaan…

Again…

I fought back. "Hinamiii!" We grappled each other with all our limited strength. After a couple minutes rolling around in our plastic igloo we collapsed in a heap, laughing outrageously.

I pulled my twin into a tight hug. "New hairpin! It's pretty!"

She smiled happily.

"Hiro! Hinami!" I knew my mother's voice anywhere.

"Here! Okaa-san!"

A few moments later she too poked her head through a much higher porthole, peering down at us. She smiled widely as he watched us snuggling together, drawn by our high pitched squeals of laughter and righteous fury.

It was moments like these I treasured the most. I knew that once Hinami and I grew up it was likely we would drift away from our parents. I hoped it wouldn't happen. At the time I thought everything would work out and my life would be a happy one. I knew that as long as I had my family, I would be alright.

 _(...)_

We left the park a couple hours later. Hinami and I completely lost track of time as we ran around playing with one another. I was comfortable around the other children we didn't know but my sister clung to my arm any time one of them came near. I enjoyed having her hold onto me.

The sun was beginning to set over Tokyo as we began walking home. Hinami rode atop our father's shoulders while I walked beside my mother holding her hand. We laughed and smiled happily, looking for all the world like a totally normal, average human family.

As we passed by a small warehouse, I thought I heard a strange sound. I perked up, looking around me to see where the noise came from.

I shrugged it off as my imagination but a moment later I heard it again. An odd squelching sound.

A moment later a new scent reached me. One that hadn't been on the air a second or two before. I turned my head, sniffing. It was odd. It smelled like my daily smoothies but fresher somehow. I couldn't make the connection yet but the aroma was very enticing.

Without realizing I had dropped from the conversation between my parents as we walked and before I knew it, my hand slipped from my mother's. It smelled so good.

What was it? I had to know.

Childish curiosity overruled adult logic that I should _not_ separate from my parents and my feet carried me away. I wasn't sure how my parents didn't realize but in the back of my mind I knew Hinami was excitedly pointing at something in the opposite direction. None of that mattered. I wanted _, needed,_ to know what was so deliciously captivating.

Very quietly, I pushed on the door to the warehouse. It was ajar and easily swung inwards. It was very dark inside. My eyes couldn't adapt to the inky blackness due to the daylight behind me so against whatever judgement remained in my brain I crossed the threshold and stepped into the shadows.

The door swung shut behind me, clicking as it locked on its own. I didn't notice. The smell was much stronger now. I still couldn't identify it but it triggered almost every happy memory from all my favourite foods of my entire collection of experiences. I took a small step further into the darkness, my own fear overpowered and cast into the depths of my mind. It was not needed here, something seemed to tell me. Like a mother with open arms calling her child to her, I took another step. And another. And another.

I froze as a loud wet crunch resounded from somewhere ahead of me. My eyes were adjusting to the darkness, I could distinguish outlines in the shadows. Further in I could make out the dim amber glow of an aged fluorescent bulb. It came from ahead of me, behind a large pile of boxes and crates. I took another step; much smaller this time. I could not stop.

The smell was overwhelming. It was intoxicating. It was aromatic. It was delicious. It was everything I could imagine my favourite food to be. I needed it.

I pressed myself against the crates and very slowly peered around the corner. It was warm. It was stuffy.

I needed it.

Like an addict craving his fix I slipped around the corner. By now my parents had probably realized I was missing but I couldn't hear anything beyond the blood thundering in my ears and all I could smell was the delicious _meal_ that lay just ahead of me.

The dim light was just around another corner, in a backroom of the warehouse. The smell and sounds intensified as I inched closer. I couldn't stop myself even if wanted to.

A loud crunch and a moan made me freeze. I stepped in a puddle. It glistened in the darkness. Very slowly, I bent and touched the liquid with my fingertip.

It was warm.

Lifting my wet finger to my nose I carefully sniffed.

My eyes rolled back in my skull as I inhaled deeply. It was _sooooo goood!_ _I needed more._ This was what drew me here. My miniscule awareness was certain of that fact. Tentatively, I stuck my finger into mouth.

A volcano of fireworks erupted in my mind.

I almost moaned as the wonderful flavour spread over my tongue. I needed more. I couldn't identify this divine concoction but that didn't matter. Nor did it matter what it was doing on the floor of a dark warehouse.

I needed more of it.

The sounds...there had to be something making it...there had to be more…

I followed the puddle that led me towards the light. It had to be over there…

The fluid glistened.

It was red.

The trail went around the corner into a small office in the back of the warehouse. The squelching and snapping and tearing grew clearer, crisper, fresher.

I reached the doorway.

I stood in the shadows just before looking in. It was a crossroads. A small part of me, mostly my past life, warned me to turn and back away then run as fast as I could.

I couldn't do that.

The smells had completely overwhelmed me. I couldn't think clearly. I didn't want to. All I wanted was to find the source. It was instinct driving me. An instinct I never knew I had.

That fact alone should have absolutely terrified me.

I carefully looked around the corner.

My mind was hazy.

My eyes saw what lay before me and what knelt above it but my mind did not.

My rationality was gone; left outside the innocuous warehouse where my parents were surely panicking. But none of that mattered to me.

…

I thought that dying would be the scariest thing I ever experienced.

…

I thought going down in an airplane, riding the steel cage into the ground, would be the most terrifying feeling.

…

I was wrong.

…

Oh how I was so incredibly wrong.

…

I would have laughed at the sheer absurdity of my situation if I wasn't frozen in a fear so deep, so isolating, so terrifying, so _primal_. I could only stare. I could only watch. I could only listen.

On the floor, was a man.

He had once been a man.

The once man wore grey slacks and a white shirt and tie. He looked like a regular businessman on his way home from work at the end of a regular day. His clothes were shredded and ripped. His stomach was torn wide open, his internal organs now very much external. He lay in a large ever growing crimson puddle. It lapped at my shoes, reaching out and drawing me in.

The once man was now a corpse. A fragrant, intoxicating, delicious, _mouth watering_ corpse.

I froze as I somehow observed the scantily clad woman crouched above the _meat_. She was thin, probably about the same build as Okaa-san. The woman had long black hair that fell about her head in a velvety curtain. Her short black dress was damp and stained crimson across her front. One of the straps slipped off her shoulder and dangled across her arm.

My breath caught in my throat. The woman looked up, surprised by the noise. Her eyes widened as she realized I was watching her.

As her eyes expanded, I fell captivated by them.

Pitch black sclera...bright crimson irises…bulging black veins surrounding each eye...

In a strange, _horrifying,_ exotic way, they were beautiful...

Her mouth fell open in shock. Blood _drenched_ her lips and chin, rivulets streaming down her pale throat and seeping into her dress. Her arms were soaked up to her elbows. She seemed to stare into the very depths of my soul.

After a moment, her mouth closed and her tongue flicked out to lick her bloodstained lips. She tilted her head to the side, her eyes slowly and carefully examining me. The woman frowned slightly before shifting herself so she knelt in the pool of blood facing me. She spoke in a silky voice laced with surprisingly genuine concern.

"Where did you come from, baby ghoul?"

* * *

 **AN: So...**

 **I hope you like that cliffhanger!**

 **With that, the proverbial shit has indeed hit the fan and all the pieces will click into place. I'm looking forward to writing the next chapter but I wanted to post this as soon as I had some time to edit it to keep you all satisfied :D**

 **The true Hero of Skill! Thanks for commenting! Tokyo Ghoul is one of my favourites too which is why I'm so excited to do this story.**

 **GUNdalf the Assault Wizard! Top tier name, thanks for the lols. I appreciate the encouragement!**

 **kitsunelover3000! Hiro's gender was something I completely overlooked until I read your review but it made sense at the time for the first chapter for a newborn not to know which they were. That's my story and I'm sticking to it. So...um...thanks for reminding me...as you see, Hiro now has his first encounter and so begins his unfortunate dive into the world that is Tokyo Ghoul! Their parents murder is a long time away, but as we know a lot can go wrong before that...Good luck with your own story! That sounds like an interesting concept!**

 **sucuri! I'll be getting into how much he knows once he connects all the dots together. Rest assured, much panic attacks and terror will ensue!**

 **sousie! Any later and I might have missed your review! Thanks so much for the support!**

 **Alright! Now I can really get this show on the road! *rubs hands together excitedly* Thank you all so much for the support, I truly appreciate it!**


	3. Chapter 3

**"Where did you come from, baby ghoul?"**

I was entranced by her mouth. Blood was messily smeared across her face and neck yet for the life of me I couldn't look away. She brushed her hair back behind her ear, trailing crimson across her flesh.

The woman extended her right hand towards me. She pointed directly at my face with her index finger before turning her wrist and curling her blood soaked digit in a "come here" gesture. Her nails were long, painted a dark purple.

My feet remained frozen in the warm blood pooling on the concrete floor. It glistened in the amber light that reflected off the smooth surface. It was beautifully macabre. The cadaver and the beautiful woman, both drenched in blood.

The scene before me etched itself into my brain. I was a long ways away from comprehending my situation. I could only stare wide eyed and terrified.

A ghoul...that's what she had said…

I knew the term. Everyone knew it in some meaning or another. A vampire's slave, a type of zombie, a flesh eating monster, they shared similar origins. Now, not only was I faced with a flesh eating, bloodsoaked woman, she was calling _me_ the ghoul? How did that make any sense?

I am human. I always was and always will be. There are no such thing as monsters. The only true monsters exist within people's hearts, either through malice or incompetence. I knew that for a fact, though I wish I did not.

In spite of the situation, I was fascinated. A tiny inkling in the back of my mind screamed at me but I could not hear its voice. The smell was too overpowering.

With a herculean effort, I managed to drag my gaze away from the strangely coloured eyes watching me. I flicked over the warm corpse. I could practically taste it with the fragrant blood spreading across the floor. Somehow I knew the corpse was still warm, the man died minutes before my arrival.

The small part of me that was still thinking rationally was presently marvelling at how I detected and was drawn to said corpse. How did I smell through a building and out on the street? How did I detected the sounds of snapping bones and tearing flesh from such a distance? Why did I go _towards_ such a thing rather than fleeing or simply ignoring it and continuing home?

I had no idea but I it happened anyway.

It was at that moment I discovered a new sensation. I was hungry. It was a different feeling from any sort of hunger I experienced before. I was accustomed to the urge to eat, more out of habit and anxiety but this was something else. It was crawling in my skin. It was gnawing at my innards. I was practically drooling.

"Baby ghoul, are you hungry?" she asked, her voice gentle. Questioning. Concerned.

There was a darkness within me. Something new. Something strange. Something unnerving. It wrapped me in its cold embrace and pushed me towards the _feast_ lying in wait.

I _was_ hungry.

Not a hunger formed by starvation, but a desire to eat. It felt like it was the right thing to do. An overwhelming urge to consume simmered within me, steadily growing more intense as I stared at the _meal_.

Deep in the recesses of my consciousness, my awareness kicked and screamed. "This is wrong!" It said. "What are you doing?" It begged. "Why is this happening?!" It wept. I ignored it. It was simple to ignore that which you cannot hear.

Every one of my senses was tuned and focused on the delicious _snack_ lying before me. I could hear the blood dripping to the floor from the snapped limbs and broken ribs. I could feel the humidity on my skin like a warm bath. I could smell the fragrant aroma of the organs and flesh, each with a captivating subtle difference. I could see the blood pooling within the chest cavity, lining the innards and broken bones as the white skeleton had begun to be exposed. I could only imagine how it would taste.

My final sense was begging for attention. It cried and wept at being left out from this amazing experience. Ever since tasting the blood not a minute before I was craving more. Every part of me was urging me to take those few steps closer, reach into the pile of meat and organs and immerse myself. I wanted to find the tastiest, most delicious morsel and utterly devour it.

My feet had yet to move.

Some part of me, some _pathetic_ part of me held me back. It refused to let me go. It refused to let me eat. I was hungry so I should eat. It wasn't fair! I wanted this! I needed this! I screamed in frustration.

The woman flinched as my mouth split open and my cry echoed in the dark warehouse. She glanced around, as if concerned my scream drew unwanted attention. I didn't care. Who would interrupt a meal? It was rude, selfish and disrespectful!

"Shhhh!" The woman hushed. "Not so loud, we don't want to be found out now don't we?" My screaming abruptly stopped. My mouth hung open, the sound silencing in my throat as the echo reverberated in my ears.

I made eye contact with the strange bloodsoaked woman. She was a witch. A temptress offering me my heart's desire in exchange for a kiss that would steal away my soul for the devil. I didn't want that. I couldn't stand for that. How dare she try to keep me from what was _mine!_ My face contorted into a wicked grin. She looked mildly surprised, her eyes widening and she inhaled sharply.

My right foot separated from the pool and carefully, deliberately moved forward. The tiny splash seemed to thunder like a crashing tsunami in the silent room. My weight settled before my left foot moved to join it's partner, waving in passing as it settled one length further in from the doorway. I took another step. And another. Each small movement carrying me further and further from my escape and a possible return to normalcy.

Each small movement carrying me closer and closer to what my body was begging me to embrace and a point of no return. A last ditch effort was made by my mind to shake me awake.

What would your family say?

I paused.

What would your parents say?

What would your sister say?

What would they say what would they say what would they say what would they say what would they say what would they say what would the saywhatwo **uldt** hey _sa_ ywhatwo _ulDthe_ **ysay**?

I couldn't move.

A growl of frustration left my throat, not sounding nearly as intimidating as my three year old body wanted it to.

I was only two steps away from the body now. It was almost within reach. All I had to do was lean forward, slide my small hands into the steaming pile of intestines and flesh, grab hold of _something_ and bring it to mouth. Then I would taste the wonderful _meal_ and all would be well. I would be full, I would be satisfied, I would return to my family and all would be as it should be.

My arms raised themselves of their own accord, reaching and snapping at the _feast_ just out of reach. Practically leaning over it now, it smelled so much better. It was so crisp and fresh, warm like the smell of freshly baked bread that rises into your nostrils and floods your senses. So utterly captivating and desirable.

I stopped.

Something prevented me from moving any closer. Why was it doing this to me? Why when I was so close!?

Get out

Me?

Why should I leave! This is my body!

Get out

NO! YOU LEAVE!

Get out

I WON'T!

 **I SAID GET OUT OF MY MIND!**

.

.

.

My hands shot to my head and I let out another screeching scream.

.

.

.

My vision went dark.

.

.

.

I blinked.

Where was I?

What had I been doing?

Why was there a…

Oh god…

Oh god no…

On reflex I threw myself backwards. I tripped over my own feet, landing on my ass in the wet concealing puddle. I felt the wetness soaking my shorts as my hands went to the floor to brace myself.

Very slowly, carefully, I brought a trembling hand in front of my face. My palm was dripping. It ran down my arm before dropping off my elbow and returning to the floor. I could only watch with a morbid fascination as I rubbed my fingers together, feeling the strange viscous liquid.

"Are you alright little one?"

My body stiffened. I had forgotten I was not alone.

Very slowly, tentatively, my eyes departed my bloody hand and tracked the voice. She was staring at me. I gasped as I saw her eyes. I seemed to remember seeing them somewhere before now that my head felt clearer.

Red iris…

Black sclera…

I had seen those before.

The events of the last few minutes came pouring back to me.

Yes, I saw her eyes when she first looked at me...but that wasn't it…

A story came to the forefront of my mind.

Something I had read in my past life...so long ago now...

It was a tragedy, the protagonist enduring endless suffering for the sake of others yet it cost him.

It cost him so much…

I could only stare at the woman kneeling before me, her legs tucked neatly beneath her as she rested in the pool of blood. Baby ghoul...that's what she had called me…

I couldn't believe it.

I couldn't accept it.

I…

Please no…

Of all the worlds…

Of all the chances…

If reincarnation was even possible and I had done it, why oh why was _this_ the world I was reborn into!?

No… it wasn't possible….

I must still be on the plane! Yes! The last three years must be the longest, most complex and linear dream I've ever had! Right?

.

.

right?

.

.

Nothing answered me.

Of course not.

I knew this was real. I knew where I was now.

Fueguchi Hiro…

Fueguchi…

Asaki...

Ryouko…

 _ **Hinami...**_

How the hell did I not make the connection before! I was born in Tokyo for fucks sake! How did my parents not tell me any of this!? How did I not know about the wards, the CCG, the doves, ghouls…

Ghouls…

Oh yes, I remembered now.

Hah.

Hah.

H **a** h.

hAh

h

a **H**

Hah

a-h

aha **ba** h

Ahahahahah

ah _ahahah_ ah

ahaha

hahahahaha-hahaha

hah _ahahah_

ahah-a _ **haha**_ ha

hahahahaa

hah **HA** ahahahahah

ahaha

hahAHAHAhah _ah_ ah

ah _a-h_ a **h**

ahh

h **aaaa** hahahaha

h-

 **ah** a _ah_ a

 **haah** _ **ahaah**_ **aa** **haaha** _ **aaa**_ **aaa**

aa

 _a_ a _a_ aaa

a-aa…

…

.

.

.

.

.

Fucking kill me

.

.

.

.

.

* * *

I woke up sometime later. I had no idea how long it had been or where I was but all I knew was I had been undressed and no longer covered in blood. My hair was damp and I was wrapped in a blanket.

I was not at home.

I turned my head very slowly to examine my new surroundings after carefully sniffing the air. I was alone. That was good at least.

I had gotten much better at identifying different scents, my family in particular. Nothing here reminded me of home. All I could detect was dust, mold, dirty laundry, bleach, and dried blood.

Lovely. Simply lovely.

Oh, and coffee…

I let out a laugh. Something inside me snapped and I let out another. It all came back to me.

"Hah….ha...haa…"

Pretty soon I was giggling, tears of mirthful insanity bleeding from my eyes. It all made sense now…

My family name, my parents coffee drinking, Otou-san's nighttime outings, why we hardly left our home, my parents eating without us, our smoothies…

Our delicious smoothies...

Hah…

ha...ha…

My giggles turned to sobs, my tears flowing freely now. Why was this happening to me!? What did I do to deserve this? I knew being born again would come at a cost. Why did I think I could have another chance at life? Why did I think I could be better? Why did I think things were going well for me?

My thoughts took a darker turn. I should have died in that plane crash. I should have _stayed_ dead. Why did I have to remember? Why did I have to know what this life had in store for me? Why was I a ghoul? Why were my parents ghouls? Why did I have to follow that scent….

I buried my face in the blanket, inhaling deeply. It must belong to that woman. Even if I didn't know her, her scent was recognizable. Or maybe it was the only thing my brain could processes and latched onto that string like a lifeline.

I couldn't not think about Tokyo Ghoul.

Yeah, I read the manga and watched the anime. I knew the plot. Not in the greatest of details but I was familiar with how literally everything went to shit time and time again. I was remembered Kaneki, Touka, Anteiku...Hinami...Ryouko...

My heart nearly stopped.

Fueguchi...my family name…

Given what incredibly little I knew of this world, so far the only discrepancy was me. I was the irregularity. If this world followed that path, I knew my parents would be murdered in ten years, likely before my very eyes, or at least Hinami's.

I didn't want that.

I didn't want my family to be torn apart.

I didn't want my sister, my wonderful sister, to become jaded and depressed. I had done that enough for the both of us. She came into my mind. Not her appearance in the story, but my sister. My three year old twin, always smiling and cheerful, always shy around people she didn't know...always by my side any time I fell to my nightmares and always greeting me with love and affection.

I wouldn't let it happen to her. I couldn't.

I knew the future. I could change it. I could save my parents. I could save my sister…

How?

I stopped abruptly. What could I possibly do? I was three years old. An adult in the body of an toddler. My mind was presently my greatest asset. And my only one.

My memories of the story became clearer, more detailed as I tried to remember everything. Was it really the same universe? Would things happen as they did in the story? I focused on what I knew of Hinami from Tokyo Ghoul and Re:

Her kagune. She was a mix of both our parents. A chimera, they called her. She had incredible hearing and smell, something I seem to have inherited as well. Did that mean my kagune would be similar to hers?

The first time hers emerged was after the death of our mother...if I wanted to do anything differently for my family, I needed to get mine out much earlier. I needed to become strong.

Not for myself.

For my family…

Heh...I was already starting to sound like Kaneki…

The realization sent chills down my spine.

I could warn him. Tell him not to go with Rize. I could stop him from ever becoming a ghoul...but what would happen then? In order to do that I would need to meet him before that. I would need to go to Anteiku and speak to him. I didn't even know what ward I was in, let alone where specifically the coffee shop actually was.

Should I warn him?

Should I try and change the future?

Everything from my past life was urging me not to. The world was different simply because _I was in it._ There was no guarantee things would happen the same way. Maybe Kaneki and Hide would never go to Anteiku, choosing a different place at the very beginning and none of this would come to pass.

I thought I was going insane in the beginning just from transcending my death...now? In a world I knew rather well, I was on a path for chaos. Darkness lay ahead of me and I could not see any light.

I pulled the blanket over my head, desperate to hide from everything. I couldn't sleep. I couldn't relax. I could barely breathe normally.

I threw back the blanket. I couldn't do it. I just couldn't! What was I supposed to do!

Memories of my past life resurfaced like drowned corpses, reaching out and clawing at me with dead hands. I kicked and screamed. More came and grabbed me. The water was cold. They pulled me down. I couldn't breathe. I was back in the plane. I was spinning uncontrollably. I couldn't move. I couldn't scream. Tears fled my eyes as I squeezed them shut.

Leave me alone

leave me

alone

leavemealo

nele

avemealo

nelea

vemeal

onele

aveme

alone

.

.

.

.

 _ **LEAVE ME ALONE!**_

.

.

.

.

The nightmares wouldn't leave me.

* * *

I awoke again.

In the distance I heard myself screaming.

Any moment now Okaa-san would come and lift me into her arms and hold me. Any moment now I would hear her soft gentle voice in my ear. Any moment now she would tell me I was safe and that she loved me.

Any moment now…

Any…

Moment…

Now…

My eyes flicked open.

It was dark.

I was alone.

Hinami was not beside me and my mother was not picking me up.

I tried to look around. I was soaked in sweat. I was not in my bedroom. I was somewhere else.

It was a rather dirty apartment. Bits of garbage lay strewn about, mostly empty rolls of tape and plastic wrap. There was a sizeable stack of newspapers beside the door. The curtains were pulled shut over the single window and from the lack of light beyond, I assumed it was after dark.

There was a small kitchen beside the doorway with a table nearby, also littered with waste. Surprisingly there were hardly any dirty dishes, just a rather sizeable collection of knives...oh…

Right…

I tried to see the other direction but a soft fabric barrier prevented me from doing so. I was on a couch it seemed. I couldn't make out the colouring or patterns in the dim light, even though my eyes were adjusted already.

All in all it was a very sparse abode. I didn't know about housing costs but it seemed to be pretty poorly maintained. From the scent of rot spread throughout the building, it was clear that the owners didn't seem to care.

I fell back onto the cushion. I should have been panicking again. Maybe I had accepted my life was fucked and I decided not to care anymore.

I was a ghoul.

Maybe I should have felt something but instead I just felt numb. Deadened. Absent. Devoid of everything...

The discovery of what I was had left me...empty...I didn't know what to think.

My mind replayed the events prior, how I slipped away from my mother, drawn by the intoxicating scent of a corpse. How I crept through a pitch black warehouse following a trail of blood. How I caught a ghoul in the middle of a meal. How I lost all semblance of sanity and nearly threw myself at the corpse...

I can only imagine what that _ghoul_ must have been thinking as she monitored me. First I startle her when she's in the middle of a meal then she reaches out to me out of concern for a random ghoul child then she watches me tear my own mind apart over the urge to consume human flesh until I passed out.

I am at least somewhat maybe possibly hopefully contented-ish that I didn't jump on that man and devour him. That was something at least, no matter how incredibly fucking insignificant it was considering how screwed up everything else became because of it.

That man...not a pile of meat or a meal...he was a person...it terrified me how easily I identified his body as a feast. It was like I completely overlooked what he is...was...

"I know what you said but I couldn't just leave him there!"

I froze.

A voice from outside drew closer.

It was female, young, and anxious.

I listened to the soft footsteps that came to a stop just beyond the door. A moment later I heard a rattling of keys before the unmistakable sound of metal fitting into a lock reached me.

They were coming in.

"Well what the hell was I supposed to do? Kick him back out on the street all covered in blood?"

The lock clicked.

I buried myself beneath the blanket, desperate to appear invisible or at least asleep. They were coming in!

The door swung open and I listened to the woman enter, the crackling of a plastic bag accompanying her.

"I don't care! I'm not someone who leaves kids to die, or worse, eats them like you, you sick fuck!"

The door slammed shut with a bang. She tossed the bag onto the table and her keys into a bowl of some kind. I could just make out a man's voice on the other end of her phone call. He was laughing.

"Oh no! No way in hell am I giving him to you!"

She sighed heavily and a chair scraped along the floor. A second later she slumped down into it, lifting her feet onto the table with a clatter.

"Look, I'll get the money for you but stay away from me while I figure out what to do with this kid. His kakugan was showing and he looked like he hadn't fed before and I do _not_ want you or anyone else turning him into another one of your fucking psychos!"

The man began to speak but the phone beeped softly, silencing him. There was a clatter as the device fell to the table and the woman let out a growl of frustration.

"Damn it all…"

Beneath my blanket I listened to her breathing as she gradually settled down.

My kakugan…

That's what the ghoul eyes were called…

" _His kakugan was showing…"_

The words spun around and around my head, confirming what I already knew but refused to accept.

The woman sighed heavily and she took a deep breath.

"Hey, you awake?"

I lay still.

"I washed your clothes for you."

Why would she do that?

"I don't know how you found me like that but that was incredibly stupid. Did your parents not teach you anything?!"

She grew increasingly agitated as she continued.

"Oh fuck me…" I heard a heavy thump as what I imagined her hitting her head against something would have sounded like. "Of all the…"

Her chair scraped against the floor harshly as her feet hit the ground. She was standing. She was walking closer.

I clenched the blanket tightly in my small hands. Stay away just stay away please!

Her footsteps came closer until I knew she stood right beside the couch. I felt the vibration as she sat down on the small table beside me, scattering miscellaneous junk as she did so. She sighed again.

A felt a hand land on my shoulder and I tensed. Her touch was gentle. She began rubbing my back, her fingers tracing my spine. I shivered.

"I'm sorry if I scared you...look...I'm no good at this...could you please come out from under there?" She sounded frustrated, though not at me.

Very slowly I pulled the blanket down over my head until my eyes peeked out. The lights were still off but I could clearly see her. Her pale skin seemed to glow in the darkness as she loomed over me. Her long dark hair was pulled up behind her in a ponytail. She smiled softly as she looked down at me.

I was afraid to look away but I cast a furtive glance at the rest of her and saw she was no longer wearing her skimpy black, bloodsoaked dress, and instead was dressed in a green tee shirt and a pair of jeans. She looked like a normal person.

Quickly returning to her face, I was surprised to see how young she looked. Without the blood smeared all over her like some gruesome necrophiliacs wet dream, she was rather attractive. To my surprise and horror, a thought drifted through my mind that I liked her more _with_ the blood…

She couldn't have been older than twenty. Barely older than my mother when she had me and Hinami…

Her dark brown, human, eyes met mine and she seemed to relax.

"Good, I was afraid you would be too scared to listen to me." She said.

I opened my mouth to tell her I had already been doing my panicking for the past few hours but I only gaped like a fish. No sound came out of me.

My stomach growled. That caught her attention.

"Oh yeah, right. I forgot about that." She slowly raised her hands in a sign of peace before standing and walking to the fridge. I watched her go, the blanket still pulled up over my nose.

She pulled open the door, the interior light spilling out into the dark apartment. The young woman rummaged around for about a minute, shifting things here and there. There was the occasional clinking of glass but mostly I listened to the crackling of plastic wrap and tape. I swallowed nervously. I had a pretty good idea of what was kept in there.

"Here we go." She kicked the door closed and opened up a cupboard. From it she pulled out a small plate then a knife and fork. Facing away from me, I could only see her backside as she tore apart one of the packages. She turned around with the plate and cutlery in hand then walked back towards me.

I burrowed deeper into the couch, pressing myself against the backrest. She frowned at my movements. Returning to her spot, she sat down again on the low table and set the plate in her lap. Holding the knife and fork, she cut off a thin strip of the red meat on the plate. I didn't need to ask to know what it was.

Skewering the morsel with the end of the fork, she popped it into her mouth and bit down. Her eyes flickered until they returned to their natural ghoulish state of black and crimson. She cut off a smaller piece and held out the fork for me. She sighed at my reluctance to move. "Look kid, we're both ghouls so just eat up. You'll feel better afterwards."

I stared blankly at her eyes, utterly fascinated by them. I wondered what mine looked like, if they would be as beautiful as hers.

The young woman put down the knife and pinched the bridge of her nose. "Okay, you know what, screw it. I'm starting this over." She set the fork down on the plate and put them on the table beside her. Then she placed one hand on her chest and bowed slightly.

"My name is Satome Shiori. I'm nineteen years old and I'm a ghoul. I am the one who brought you here after you walked in on me having dinner last night." She finished with a forced smile. "And this," she gestured to the small studio apartment, "is my home."

"Now," she picked up the fork and leaned closer to me. "What is your name, baby ghoul?" She rested her elbow on her knee and placed her chin on top of her fist. Shiori flicked the fork between us absently as she watched me.

How should I respond? This was an excellent opportunity for me. Here was a ghoul I was unaffiliated with who I could grill for information beneath the guise of not knowing I was a ghoul. Though that was still technically true. I now knew I was a ghoul and my parents behaviour was all but revealed to me. But even if I knew the story and world of Tokyo Ghoul, I needed to know how much of it carried over into this world.

What would a normal three year old do? I carefully pulled the blankets down below my chin. "Hiro…"

Shiori smiled. "Nice to meet you, Hiro. Do you have a family name?"

I pulled the blanket over my mouth again. Even if she was being nice I still didn't know her. I had to play this out slowly and act my age. What would a normal three year old ghoul waking up in a stranger's house after catching them eating do? Hmmm...probably try and run away or attack them? That wouldn't work.

"Are you hungry? You should eat. I don't have much stored away because I had to leave early last night. That was supposed to last me for the next month." Shiori held the fork out for me.

I felt something twitch in my eyes as the tiny morsel of meat drew closer. My eyes locked on the glistening red piece of flesh and Shiori smiled again. "There we go, that's it. Go ahead. Eat it."

It smelled good. Not quite as good as the corpse from before but maybe that was because it was still warm and fresh. This was refrigerated and kept for who knows how long. I was salivating. Why was I so hungry right now?

I bit my lip. What was she trying to do? I remembered how she looked before, drenched up to her elbows in blood. Did she plan to eat me? I thought most ghouls frowned on cannibalism, though that was just my knowledge from the story. Who knew if that applied here or not.

Regardless, she had taken me with her. Was that a kidnapping or a rescue? My parents were close by when I disappeared so how did they not find me? Were they out looking for me now? Of course they would be! They would be terrified right now!

I paled. Hinami would be scared. Okaa-san would be traumatized that she lost me...I wandered off but she was holding my hand when I left... Otou-san would be worried…

I needed to go back.

My determination growing, I pulled the blanket down and sat up. The ghoul watched me curiously. I needed to go home. They needed to know I was alright. At least I hoped I was alright.

But first… "Where is Okaa-san?" I needed her to take me home.

"Okaa-san…" Shiori lowered the fork, caught off guard. "You aren't an orphan?"

I shook my head.

She breathed a sigh of relief. "What's your Okaa-san's name? Maybe I can help find her?"

So far so good Hiro, keep it up.

"Fu-fueguchi…" I was nervous so my stammering was believable. I didn't know my address. I didn't know my phone number. I didn't know here in the city I lived. I didn't know where I was now...I didn't even know what ward I lived in. My parents never told us, not that a toddler would understand.

Was sheltering us that much really the best option for ghouls? Did they want us to be human so badly?

I watched the woman's ghoulish eyes for any spark of recognition. She was thinking but nothing gave away her intentions. "I don't know anyone by that name. I'm sorry. Do you know where you lived?"

I shook my head. God this was so frustrating! If I could just act normally and not like a stupid scared child!

I clearly ignored the fact that I was a scared child at the moment. Time to slow this down.

"What's a g-ghoul?"

That caught her off guard. Her eyes widened and she leaned back. Surprise etched her features.

"You don't know?"

I shook my head.

"A ghoul is a special type of person. We aren't like normal humans." She scratched her head, probably thinking of a way to explain this without further traumatizing me. "Remember how I said you found me when I was having dinner last night?" I nodded. I sure as hell wasn't forgetting that any time soon. "Ghouls can't eat normal food. The only thing we can have is humans. Ordinary people."

I didn't think a normal three year old would be able to follow this so I looked at her blankly. I pointed at the fork in her hand and the meat attached. "That?"

She glanced at the fork. "Yeah...it's human meat."

I stared at her, watching for any patterns. "Why does it smell good?"

"Because you're hungry. When you don't eat the hunger becomes stronger. It makes food more enticing." Shiori sighed at my blank look. "I mean it smells better."

She held the fork closer to me. "Go ahead. You'll feel better afterwards."

The piece of meat glistened in the dim room. It was shiny and smooth, like a raw steak. I liked steak. How would it taste?

As much as I didn't want to, I knew I had to eat. It was a person. I knew it but if I didn't I would go crazy like before, maybe even worse. I reached out, taking the fork from her. I licked my lips.

Raw flesh.

Meat.

Why did it have to smell so appealing…

How would it taste?

I already knew.

I'd been eating flesh for two years now almost every day…

My wonderful smoothies, pureed human with extra blood…

Why should this taste any different? I liked the chunky bits...they were the best part…

Why was it only now a problem after knowing what it was? My morality was the only thing holding me back. A pointless, useless mindset from a dead person. I _am_ Fueguchi Hiro! I am a ghoul! I am not a human! I never was! I never will be no matter how hard I try! Memories of a dead man haunt my every thought and action. Why won't they just leave me alone! I don't want to remember any more! Just make the nightmares stop!

Just make them go away…

Shiori seemed taken aback. "Hey hey it's okay, you don't have to cry. It's alright."

Was I crying?

I patted my cheek. It was wet and cold.

Why was I crying?

Why won't the memories leave?

Why do I remember what normal food tastes like? I can't I ever have it? Why can't I ever eat it?

Why do I remember!?

I clenched my eyes and jammed the fork into my mouth.

.

.

.

It…

.

.

.

It was good…

.

.

.

I pulled the meat off the fork and passed it over my tongue, exploring the flavour and texture. It was tough, chewy, a little bit stringy but it had a very strong taste.

It was savoury. Rich. Full. I bit down with my molars, trying to break it apart.

Chew.

Chew.

Chew.

It was slow going.

Chew.

Chew.

Chew…

It wasn't bad.

The texture was weird. Eating raw meat is different than cooked, you need to chew it longer. A memory explained to me from an anthropology course it had studied. The memory showed me passages and notes about apes eating meat and how they would sometimes chew for up to an hour before swallowing if it was uncooked, depending on what kind of meat.

Could I eat cooked meat? Did it have to be raw? Could I smoke it or dry it and make jerky? Could I season it? It had such a pleasant flavour, completely un-repulsive.

I held the fork back out for Shiori.

"More please."

She smiled, reaching for the plate.

.

.

.

I ate the whole thing.

.

.

.

* * *

Shiori helped me get dressed after I ate. She stood me on the counter in her bathroom so I could see myself in the mirror. Shiori stood behind me in case I fell as she pulled my head through the collar of my shirt. She had washed them.

I could only stare at my reflection as she dressed me.

My hair seemed to be darker, thicker, nearly covering my forehead and almost reaching my eyebrows. I couldn't look away from my eyes…

My kakugan…

Crimson irises…

Black sclera…

They glowed in the dark.

I liked them.

Shiori's eyes had returned to normal after she ate but mine stayed that way. She explained my eyes would change any time I was hungry or smelled blood. If I didn't learn to control them I would be easily identified as a ghoul and killed.

She told me a bit about the doves and the CCG, that they were to be avoided at all costs and to keep a low profile. I listened quietly while she talked. Her voice was nice.

Then she got talking about kagune and how ghouls fight. She explained the different kinds: ukaku, kokaku, rinkaku, and bikaku. The type depended on where the kagune organ was located in the body. They started at the shoulders and descended from there.

Ukaku ghouls were the fastest but had the least stamina, their kagune were shaped like wings and would fire projectiles. Kokaku's were heavy, slowing down the ghoul with the weight but they were typically stronger because of it. Rinkaku were whiplike tentacles and had lower durability however the ghouls usually had much faster regeneration. Bikaku's were the lowest, forming at the tailbone and were more of an "all rounder" type.

Shiori didn't get into too many details but she did tell me she was a rinkaku.

Like Rize.

I wondered what mine would be. Would I be a chimera like my sister probably would be? I never saw my parents kagune so I'd have to ask them directly...when I got home again we were going to have a long talk…

If I didn't break down in tears and them doing the same…

Focus Hiro, focus.

"I don't have anything to hide your eyes so we'd better stay in until you settle down." Shiori told me as I followed her out of the bathroom. "We need to be careful when we go out."

I yawned. I had a very long night and for a three year old, it felt even longer. In spite of how tired I was, I didn't feel even remotely close to being able to fall asleep. After the past day, I wasn't sleeping until I was back with Okaa-san. If I even could fall asleep on my own and not just pass out from exhaustion.

My body had other ideas unfortunately. As soon as I sat back down on the couch my eyes grew heavy. My body felt energized from the meal but I could tell it was sapping my strength to focus on digestion.

I curled up against the pillow beside me, my hands resting on my busy tummy. Strangely, my head was clear. I felt calm. Satiated. Satisfied…

Content…

I let out a deep breath as I relaxed.

.

.

The haunting memories weren't coming back…

.

.

For the moment I was grateful.

.

.

Unfortunately I had plenty of material for new nightmares.

.

.

And much much more to come.

.

.

I'll never forget what happened that day. The day I learned I was a ghoul and was taken from my family. I thought my life couldn't get any worse.

Foolish.

Shiori and I had set out that morning to track down my family. It was grey and overcast, completely different from the day before. She told me we were in the 19th ward but without knowing where my home was, it was useless information.

I asked her if there was a sort of ghoul hierarchy or if there was anyone she knew that might know my parents. She didn't know. She wasn't very high on the totem pole and was essentially a slave of another ghoul. A ghoul who was unfortunately interested in me.

She told me if we ever encountered him, I would have to run. He would not show mercy to me just because I was a child. He ate children. Human, ghoul, it didn't matter to him. He was a pedophile. He organized entertainment for other ghouls. Shiori told me enough that a child would understand but I didn't even need that much. I remembered her phone call on the night we first met.

She told me I would be safe. She told me she would protect me. She told me she would help me find my family again.

My world was not a friendly one. I knew I was going to suffer living here. I just wished I could take care of myself. I wished I had the chance to grow up more before getting hit with the backhand of god. I wished my life wouldn't turn out like every other story in this rotten world.

I was only one person. I was only one child. I couldn't change this world even if I wanted to.

That was the last time I tried to be who I remembered being. The last time I thought I was the same person before that plane crash. I didn't even know if they were my memories or if they belonged to someone else and if I was given them by accident.

All I knew was that I had to do everything to get back to my family. I would do _anything_ to go back to them. If only the witch who captured my soul would have let me go instead of handing me over to the devil.

* * *

Our family wasn't ever the same after Hiro disappeared. Okaa-san never forgave herself for losing him. It absolutely shatered her heart that we never found him again. Otou-san hid his pain better but he was also devastated at the loss of his son.

Me?

How would you feel if your brother, your best friend, your _twin_ all but vanished off the face of the earth? It hurt more than you could ever imagine. I never knew how much he held our family together until he was gone. I never knew how much he held me together…

Okaa-san barely left the house any more, even after this much time passed. She would spend all day looking through Hiro's old colouring books, filled with all his strange drawings. It was all we had to remember him by.

Ghoul families don't keep photographs.

In case the doves find them.

Otou-san told me we couldn't go to the police for help. If they found out we were ghouls they would kill us. They would kill my brother if they ever found him.

I just wish I had something else to remember him by. There was a drawing he made of me when we were little. It was the day before he… before he disappeared… Otou-san had gone out that afternoon so we were playing on the floor of the clinic with Okaa-san. She was busy with me while Hiro sat there like he always did with his colouring book open on the floor.

I remember all the times he would sit there drawing or learning to write instead of playing with our toys. It was weird, how much he did that. It was like he was trying to be much older than he actually was. Looking back on it, he had always been that way, it only took losing him for me to realize it.

I began to read. I found a small comfort in the escape from my sad existence. I almost never left the house and I couldn't go to school. It was so lonely. Maybe I could find the people and places my brother used to draw. That was one of the only things I had of him.

I spent ages agonizing where he went or if he was still alive. I can't imagine what happened to him that day. One second we were walking together then the next he was gone. If only I could have seen where he went… by the time my parents checked the warehouse, all that was left was a trail of his small footprints and the body of a man.

We never found a trace of him after that.

My parents told me our family's secret after we got home that day. How Hiro and I were ghouls and so were our parents. How we weren't human. How they tried to shelter us from the realities of our cruel world. How any of us could die or disappear at any time. I hated it.

Why did we have to hide who and what we are? Why were we hunted for simply existing? Why were we born into a world that hates us? Why did my brother have to disappear? I never found an answer.

The only thing I knew was that my brother was gone. And he was never coming home again. The worst part was never knowing. If I knew what happened to my sweet brother, maybe I could sleep easier. At least I would know…

Otou-san thought he encountered another ghoul that day in the warehouse. There was only human blood, he said, so Hiro didn't die there. He must have been taken.

That was the worst outcome of all. I remember Okaa-san holding me before he came home. She was scared. She was crying. I had never seen her so terrified and worried as I did that day.

As the days turned into weeks and the weeks into months and years without any word, she grew distant. It seemed as if she had given up on everything. I had to ask for food each week, just so she would feed me. Okaa-san was becoming thinner and paler with each passing year. She went longer and longer without eating.

I tried to remind her I was still with her. That she hadn't lost us both. That I still loved her. She would smile sadly and cup my cheek before hugging me. I could feel her thin arms against my back. She was fading away.

Any time I had nightmares Okaa-san would come over as fast as she could. She would hug me tightly but I knew she was remembering all the times Hiro woke screaming and she came to him. None of us were the same without him.

I just wish I could somehow undo the last seven years so Hiro would still be with us. I wish Okaa-san would take care of herself. I wish Otou-san would come home more often.

I wish my onii-chan was still alive…

* * *

The door of my dark cell cracked open with a screech, jolting me awake. It was hard sleeping on the cold damp stone but I had grown used to it. Or, as used to it as a ten year old boy could, anyway.

It was night time. At least I think it was. I was so far underground that I had no idea what time it was or even what day. Each time I returned to my cell I scratched another line in the wall. So far, I'd already filled up three of them.

"Get up brat." The grizzled voice of my handler/tortured barked through the doorway. "A new one's arrived for you." I brushed aside my long hair, it had been years since I last cut it but it was something of a game to the hosts. Mine almost reached my knees. An easy way to tell who had been here the longest.

Securing my long ponytail with a strip of wire, I forced my exhausted body upright and staggered over to the doorway where my 'owner' stood waiting. I glared at him through my bangs. I was going to murder this man some day. My perpetually active kakugan showered him with all the pathetically weak hate and loathing I could muster. He just laughed.

"You never give in don't you brat? Oh well not to worry, this next one is sure to be a good match for you." He laughed again. He checked his golden pocket watch before straightening his dark blue suit. I never saw his face, he always his it behind a full red and white mask in the shape of a sparrow.

I looked forward to tearing his wings off. It was the only thing keeping me from shredding my own wrists apart. Unfortunately I wouldn't die.

I wished I could.

Not only would they do whatever they could to prevent me from killing myself, my own body refused to let me die.

I had yet to awaken my kagune, it normally emerges when a ghoul hits puberty and I was only ten. However, I figured I was a rinkaku because of my regeneration. Many times I lost fingers or toes during the fights, or had broken limbs. Every time I was healed that night. I even lost my hand once. It grew back over that month but I was starving.

I was kept weak so I couldn't fight back outside of the matches but I was growing stronger each time. I was growing. It would happen soon. I was getting stronger and faster with each fight. My body had learned how to survive in order to protect my mind, something I had hidden long ago.

The only food we got was food we earned. That meant our opponents. Sometimes they were human, sometimes they were ghoul. I didn't get a chance to pick and I needed absolutely everything I could possibly get.

Fortunately for me, at least, I had been put against kids my own age with the odd exception. My advanced mind gave me an advantage over my regular opponents. It was enough that I made it this far.

I just wanted to die.

But I could not die.

I refused to die, both my body and soul.

So I fought. I killed. I slaughtered. I showered in the blood of my opponents for the amusement of our customers.

Yes. I was a gladiator. A child gladiator to be precise.

The sick twisted fuck threw me to the wolves on my first day. I was tossed in with a group of other kids and told "Last one alive gets to leave these pits and fight in the arena."

I looked around at the other children in there with me. Some were human, some ghoul. I could tell them apart by scent quite easily. The youngest could barely walk and the oldest seemed to be around 5. As I studied my pitmates, as we called each other, I heard one of them sneaking up behind me.

That was the first time I ever killed someone. It was slow. It was painful. It was utterly terrifying. And he just would not die fast enough. You never consider how hard it is to kill another kid with just your bare hands.

I had to start getting creative. I had to figure out a way to disable them. I quickly learned the best and most efficient way. It worked since the first time.

Eat them while they're alive.

Break their legs so they can't run. Break their arms so they can't fight back. Break their nose if they scream too much. Rip out their tongue to get them to shut up. Crush their throat to stop their screaming. Eat their flesh while listening to the thundering euphoria of bass and screams and cheers of the crowd.

And most of all, put on a good damn show.

Because at the end of the day, that's what the customers want. It's what they paid to see.

And I was a crowd favourite.

They had nicknames for me. Ripper was my favourite. I got it one time I had to take down a grown woman unarmed while she had a crowbar. My concussion healed within minutes but as she battered away at my body, something snapped. The next thing I knew she was on the ground, sobbing and bawling her eyes out. Only, she had no eyes.

She had no fingers, no toes, no ears.

I had ripped her completely apart. As I stood over her with her blood dripping from my mouth, I laughed. She tasted good and I was hungry. So damn hungry. That was how I got that name. When I was finished, there was nothing left that resembled a human.

I had managed to carve out a name for myself in this hell. That's what I knew it was now. This was my sin and punishment. The sin of failing my family. The sin of falling to my ghoulish urges. The sin of trusting. The sin of having hope.

The sin of wanting to be saved.

No one would save me.

I could only save myself.

And bring my retribution down on everyone around me.

* * *

 **AN:Well well well...you can thank sucuri for the inspiration for the ending here :D I was wondering what to do with Shiori and how to progress the timeline along. Always expect the worst, my friend. Always. Shit, Fan, I hope you get along nicely and don't make a mess of the carpet.**

 **Poor Fueguchi's, I feel bad doing this to them...But also super excited at the same time!**

 **Apparently people like this story! Nice! I'm absolutely loving it! I love it you love it! Yay!**

 **Thanks again for the reviews and all the favs and follows!**

 **GUNdalf, his kagune will be coming out soon, next chapter probably. Hinami's kagune is one of the things I like about her and is one of the big reasons why Hiro is her twin and not in a different family.**

 **sucuri, this is your fault. I just want you to know this xD Regarding Hinami, she won't be as 'young' as she was in canon and you caught a glimpse of what her family devolved into so she couldn't rely on her parents all the time. I'm still working on sorting her out but she certainly will not be coddled.**

 **Reishine, The true Hero of Skill, and sousie, thanks for your support! I hope you all enjoy this chapter.**

 **I may be switching between Hiro and Hinami's perspectives to show the story progressing but it will primarily stick with Hiro. I don't often write first person narratives so its all an experiment.**


	4. Chapter 4

**AN: This chapter is pretty dark and disturbing. Thou hast been warned but hopefully undeterred.**

* * *

Sparrow kept a firm hand on my shoulder as we passed the other half dozen cells in the dark corridor, each housing three or four starving children. One side of the wall was for humans, the other for ghouls. I had my own room. The last time they tried to give me a roommate I ate them. Sometimes they would mix the kids together. I listened to the screams in the night when they realized there was food in their cages.

Dirt and grime stained the dark brown floors, dyed over the years with dried blood. The ceiling was lined with dim lights, each in need of replacement. Like everything in our cell block, only useful tools could afford to be maintained.

I could feel the other kids eyes following me as I passed. I didn't look at them. I could smell their sweat andI knew the sound of each of their breathing by now. Sometimes when the handlers were away they would talk about escaping. I would listen to them whisper to one another. One of the humans muttered "monster" under his breath. My eyes flicked to the left, instantly finding his. It was less than a second before I looked ahead again but that was more than enough time for him to realize I heard him. The rest of them knew not to say anything when I was passing through.

From the subtle shift in Sparrow's breathing, I knew he caught my reaction. His grip relaxed to a more "friendly" one before he stage whispered to me, his hot breath burning the back of my neck. "You'd think they'd learn by now eh, _Monster?"_ Sparrow was good at his job. Even if his entire purpose was to sell me to the crowds as the Ripper, or any other nickname they came up with. It was an unfair partnership like any other. Sparrow would arrange the fights, bring in sponsorship money, keep all the profits, and supply the fighter. I would tear apart other children in the bloodiest, messiest, goriest, and most exciting and scream inducing fashion then I would eat the rest and go back to my cell.

I was slowly growing stronger. I was getting just enough food. The less damage I took the more money he made and I had to spend less time healing. We passed the rest of the cells without any further comments. Those who had been here for a while knew the protocol: _Stay away from_ _him, he is always listening._ When I reached the door at the end of the block and passed through, they all heaved a sigh of relief. Sparrow guided me up through the facility passing other handlers and their performers on the way. Some of them look at us with fear, some with envy, some with hatred. The performers came and went but the owners stayed the same. Many of them had lost their best to me.

The backstage was a simple locker room, grimy and full of mold just like the rest of the place. Sparrow tossed me a small bag containing my costume. It was like a jersey, a way to identify us out on stage. Mine started out white but was a different colour by the time I was finished. I changed into the white shorts and dress shirt, rolling up the sleeves. We were always barefoot. The handlers organized us by colour when we performed. The more common wore blue, yellow or orange. Then you got purple or green. The longest runners got either black or white depending on their styles. White made for the best show. You could always tell the brand new ones, they got to wear the clothes they came in with, marking them.

Pulling free my ponytail and adjusting my collar, I passed Sparrow the bag with my other clothes. The man nodded. We didn't use words. We had done this hundreds of times. Nothing needed to be said.

I waited on the platform for my turn to rise. The entire arena floor was filled with trap doors and hatches for our "dramatic entrances." All I had to do was stand and wait to come up through the floor. I didn't even need my enhanced hearing to listen to the crowd growing to a frenzy. Sparrow was good at his job. This was his establishment and he knew how to put on a show. His deep voice appeared over the speakers above as he welcomed everyone and began his introduction of "tonight's feature event."

My platform began to rise.

My bangs sheltered me from the dozens of spotlights surrounding the circular arena. The floor was bare metal and stone with high walls on all sides. There was no way out apart from the floor lifts. Up above were rows and rows of plush seats that could hold somewhere around three or four hundred spectators surrounding the arena pit. I sifted through the myriad of scents of the assembled audience. The only humans were on the other lifts. Everyone else in the crowd was a ghoul. Another usual night. Sparrow introduced me, not by my name, but my collection of titles and achievements. He didn't know my name.

I stood alone in the centre of the arena. My platform sealed into the smooth floor with a soft click. I quickly tuned out the rest of the welcoming speech as I focused on identifying my opposition. The lift across from me began its ascent and soon after a woman appeared. The scent of her blood drifted across the gap between us. The woman looked to be in her late twenties and apart from a bloody gash across her forehead she appeared to be quite healthy. A human. She glanced around in a panic before settling on me some thirty feet away. Over the murmurs and laughter of the audience, she called out to me. "Hey did they kidnap you too! Are you alright?"

I said nothing as I watched her like a hunter stalking prey. She was far enough away that she evidently could not see my kakugan else she would be screaming. I watched her facial muscles twist into a desperate, teary eyed smile. She thought we were in this together.

I remained still with my face shrouded as I waited for her to draw closer. The crowd fell silent as she approached. She saw me as a child, an innocent thrown into this hell she found herself in. The air was electric with anticipation, every single person in the building except for her knew what was about to happen.

However, when she was a mere two metres away, another lift activated. I recognized the sound instantly. It was the primary lift, the largest in this arena and it was used for "special guests:" namely the scrappers.

I recognized this staging. The other small lifts would bring out their guests while the primary lift brings up the beast. By the time the beast is in the arena, there will be six or seven humans running around either trying to fight one another or band together. By throwing me into the mix, I was a wolf among the sheep. Whatever misguided maternal instincts this woman had would be her delicious demise.

The woman placed one hand on my shoulder and pulled me behind her as she slowly backed away towards the wall. The other lifts had delivered their guests and the stage was nearly assembled.

Ghouls are typically 4 to 5 times stronger than humans. Even though I was still a child, I was about the same if not stronger than most fit human adults. I healed from injuries and fractures in minutes and I could tear people apart with my bare hands. It wasn't easy but nothing worthwhile ever truly is.

The special guest for the evening was about half way up to the arena by now. It wasn't a scrapper I had fought with or against before. I could smell the rusted metal blade and the stench of sweat as it wafted upwards. The woman gripped my shoulder tightly as the metal screeched and the other participants looked at one another warily. It amused me that she was so trusting of a child she had never seen before. The screams commenced once the scrapper emerged and began tearing them apart. The woman never suspected a thing until I leapt onto her back and buried my teeth in the side of her neck.

* * *

The damp stone greeted me with its uncaring cold shoulder once I scratched another centimeter long line in the wall. The mark joined it's family of hundreds upon the rough and jagged rock. After completing my daily routine, I lay down on the floor to get whatever rest was possible and to digest my latest meal. Sparrow had seemed disappointed with me today. He was rougher than usual and ended up breaking both my legs. I grimaced as I stretched out my limbs on the floor in the straightest lines I could manage. They would be healed by the time I awoke.

"Ghouls heal quickly from injuries." He had explained as he repeatedly broke my fingers and toes in my first lesson. "Do not let fear hold you back." Whatever accursed gods which condemned my soul to this existence at least were preparing me for the future. Sparrow taught me how my muscles worked by skinning me. Then he showed me what my bones looked like. Sparrow taught me so many interesting things about human and ghoul anatomy.

It was not long before I did not fear the pain.

Maybe I made my move too early. I blew out through my teeth. My hunger got the better of me. The woman held me close and the scent of her flesh was intoxicating. The scrapper, an eight foot behemoth of muscle and beautiful brutality, began cleaving the guests apart as the audience above bayed for blood. Chaos ensued.

The woman's blood squirted all over me as she struggled. When she finally went down I was drenched. I stood over her warm corpse licking my fingers when the scrapper noticed me. Three guests were still alive when our showdown began. I dodged the giants massive limbs, gouging at his face and neck when I scaled him. All I had to do was ensure he did not catch me. It was fortunate his owner did not arm with a weapon capable of cutting me. The blow from his cleaver did not pierce my skin. However the force of the impact shattered my arm and hurled me across the entire arena. Eventually I brought him down. It was just the two of us. My hand was just small enough to fit his eye socket. With my fingers pointed and wrist locked, I drove my arm into the beast's skull.

By body continued repairing itself as I reviewed my actions. It had not been my best performance but my own objective was met. I was still breathing and my stomach was full. I closed my eyes and let the darkness draw me in as I lay contented with those two small things.

* * *

A commotion in the hall woke me. The distant mutterings and whispers of my neighbours grew louder along with the sound of heavy footsteps. I knew the clink and crackle of those shoes and that weight.

Sparrow.

Accompanied by the barefooted shuffling of a child.

I didn't need to look at my door to know he had stopped at my cell. The lock clicked open and a body hit the floor beside me.

Sparrow chuckled as the door scraped shut. "Get along you two." The man said before his footsteps retreated down the hall. Once he finally disappeared my guest made a sound.

A whimper.

A weak and pathetic noise.

I flexed my toes, finding my legs had healed during my empty rest. Sensation returned to my cold flesh as I coaxed myself awake. Fingers cracked and bones shifted audibly. Finally my eyes fluttered open and I turned to examine my next meal.

They reeked of sweat, urine, and feces. If hopeless fear had a scent, that would be it. I lifted my hand to my lips. Though the blood and brain matter was dried and crusty, I began preening myself like a cat. The guest finally realized they were not alone and skittered to the far corner. My red clothing was still damp as I slowly raised myself upright.

I peered at the stranger in my home through my bloody and matted hair. I recognized the twitch in my eyes as my kakugan slipped away, returning my human eyes to the fore. It wouldn't be long before they returned as my hunger would only remain sated for so long. The first thing that greeted be was a pair of white shins and pair of eyes that gleamed in the weak light from beyond the cell. The green orbs were wide and completely frozen in place. On me. Upon the head was a mangy mop of red hair. It looked unrealistically scarlet. Was it dyed? It disappeared behind the tucked knees and clenched arms as they shrunk into the corner.

Their bloodstained pillowcase of a dress was tattered and torn and barely reached below their thighs. The skin beneath was pale and milky white. My gaze locked on the smooth folded legs that glowed softly. My tongue darted across my chapped lips.

After shifting myself, I leaned my back against the wall and let my legs stick out on the floor. This was my cell; my territory. The last time Sparrow brought me a cellmate had been...I glanced at the wall opposite me and eyeballed the number of scratches…two hundred fifty marks ago. I hadn't left my cell for seven sleeps when the meal arrived. Sparrow had stood and watched as I tore the girl apart and devoured her. The other cells were utterly silent as she screamed again and again.

I had just eaten. Why would he leave another here after so long? He didn't even stay to watch this time. I tilted my head to face the occupied corner and waited.

And waited.

The silence endured for three cell rotations before they moved. There were few ways to measure time except for sleep and the times I left my cell. In between, the handlers would collect kids from the other cells. It was tiny but the newcomer coughed softly. Would they speak? Would they ask for help? If they tried to threaten me they would die in the most excruciating way possible. They were lucky I was not hungry…

Yet.

I breathed in their scent once more. I sifted through the various odours and smells until I isolated _their_ scent. The scent of their blood, flesh, and skin. All blood smelled similar but everyone, both human and ghoul, had a unique note to them. It was how I profiled and categorized people. They shifted once more but kept their eyes on my shadowed form.

"Are...are you one of the monsters?"

It took my brain a long time to comprehend her words. Ancient cogs and machinery left to rust in my mind slowly began turning as a long lost generator switched on. My eyes widened in numb surprise when I processed what she said.

She had spoken in english.

* * *

When I returned after one sleep later to my cell and crawled to make one more scratch in the wall the guest was still there. They did not move from the corner in the time I had been away and I returned drenched once more in blood. Sparrow's lessons guided me as clenched my jaw as I popped my dislocated shoulder back in place. The girl flinched as the loud noise reached her.

I rolled the joint several times to get the blood flowing again and exhaled softly. The pain was nothing to be afraid of. She watched silently as I began to lick my hands and arms clean.

After I made the third scratch they spoke again.

"You made all these?"

The second sentence. I didn't know how to talk. Like shoveling coal into a steam engine, more systems came online as my brain gradually reactivated and I understood what she asked.

I nodded.

* * *

The fourth scratch later a handler tossed a plastic bottle and a small hunk of meat onto the floor between us. I took a sniff as it travelled past me and instantly identified the disgusting piece of beef. It smelled utterly revolting. I would have vomited were it not for my desire to keep what little scraps remained in my stomach.

She devoured the peace of meat and chugged the water the instant the handler passed.

After my tenth scratch Sparrow came and took her out. She was silent as she passed me and stepped into the light. Her grey dress was stained all over though her pale skin and scarlet hair remained vivid. Eighteen sleeps she spent in her own filth and we stared at one another.

She returned some time later but went immediately to her corner. She smelled dirty. I watched as she found a small bare section of the wall and made a tiny mark with her fingernail.

The scent of her blood was more potent. I didn't see any wounds besides bruises on her wrists and ankles. She collapsed to the floor and as her buttocks hit the floor the scent intensified.

Our eyes met and for the first time, she cried.

* * *

The red haired girl sat beside me one sleep after she made her eighth scratch. She slumped down the wall and tucked her legs to her chest. We both stared at the wall opposite until eventually she broke the silence.

"Why do they do this?"

I didn't have an answer but I understood her words more easily. The next five sleeps I didn't leave the cell, but I wasn't feeling hungry.

* * *

The performance that time was different. There were eight of us in total. It was a mix of ghouls and humans, all about my size. Sparrow provided a weapons table in the centre of the pit. There were knives, hatchets, crowbars, saws, and more.

With a scream, the kid next to me in the ring charged. He wore blue. He raced towards the weapon table to grab hold of something. A moment later several of the other kids ran towards him. I waited.

The blue kid got hold of a cleaver and swung at a yellow kid that chased after him. His swing was weak. It slashed yellow's arm, catching flesh and drawing first blood. Green ran up behind them and smashed the back of blue's head with a spike of rebar. There was a loud crack and blue fell. The crowd cheered.

Yellow picked up the cleaver and slammed it into green's leg. It sliced deep into his knee and he went down but not before stabbing at yellow with the rebar. It hit his throat. It wasn't hard enough to pierce but he fell back choking, dropping the cleaver.

Four of us had yet to move. Black, pink, purple, and myself. Brown was charging at purple since she was the closest. Brown tackled her but purple kicked him in the crotch and gouged her fingers at his eyes. Both of them rolled around screaming. Pink had fallen down on his own. He stared wide eyed at me next to him.

When I took my first step, the music changed. It instantly drew the attention of each of the other performers. The bass grew as I calmly walked towards the weapon table with my head bent forward. Green and yellow looked up and saw me walking towards them. Blue was still alive but he would be down for a while.

Green and yellow glanced at one another, forming a wordless alliance in an instant. They picked up their weapons and charged together. I closed my eyes and listened to their approach. Their feet slapped the ground and they growled as they drew closer.

I sidestepped green's rebar and ducked out of yellows cleaver swipe. The crowd laughed as they stumbled and fell into one another. Just before coming to a stop I lifted my heel and slammed down onto the side of yellow's back leg, right on his knee. There was a loud crack and he screamed.

Green leapt to his feet, backing away and holding his spike of metal like a sword. I waited for him to attack me. He was sweating. I watched it bead on his temple and run down to his chin before falling to the floor. As the droplet hit the ground, he charged. He swung high, it was easy to dodge and slam my fist into his throat. He dropped the rebar with a loud clang and clutched at his neck. I caught his left hand and pulled him towards me. His eyes widened in fear.

He tried to scream but it came out in a wheezing cough. He couldn't breathe. I dragged his hand higher to pull him further off balance and swung my heel into the side of his head. Green fell to the side but I kept hold of his hand. His momentum spun him, but not his wrist. It crunched as I turned it the other direction.

I let go as yellow staggered towards me on his one good leg. His face contorted in rage as he swung the heavy cleaver but I punched the side of the blade, knocking it off course. It kept going. Directly into green's stomach.

The scent of blood flooded my nostrils. Green was a human. I hadn't eaten for a several sleeps.

I spun, kicking yellow in the side of his neck. He flew to the side before landing on his head with a crunch. The crowd roared. Green was clutching at the cleaver imbedded in his gut when I stepped on his throat. I grabbed his outstretched broken wrist and squeezed.

The others watched me in horror.

I did not waste food. The other ghouls had begun to taste more bearable.

Tearing green's arm from his shoulder, I sank my teeth into the warm flesh. The taste of sweat and dirt instantly passed as hot blood met my tongue. My fangs bit deeper, severing the piece of flesh and tearing it free. The meat, the blood, the excitement and screams. Sweet ambrosia.

I took another bite as green's cries met my unhearing ears. He was food. The other remaining performers stood aghast as I feasted. Blood seeped and splattered across my white shirt in a crimson tide. I threw back my head and roared. My arms stretched out above me as I bent over backwards, drowning in euphoria, fingers twitching and muscles spasming.

Soon there were two of us left.

I was full. For the first time in many scratches and sleeps I had a full stomach. A bite here, a mouthful there. I spread my feeding across the entire arena, sampling each dish that came before me.

I turned to face black. He was watching, having hardly moved since the rising curtain. Two different performers. Two different styles. Different strategies. I sought food. He sought a duel.

Blood dripped from my face and fell to the floor. I was drenched from head to toe. Blue's arm dragged along the floor, the bone scraping upon the metal. I passed the cluttered pile of weapons and tossed the bloody limb off to the side. From ten feet away, our kakugans glared at one another.

I blinked and black was gone. His feet touched down off to my left before scraping against the floor and I knew he was coming straight at me. I calmly turned my head, catching black's surprised expression as he flew towards me.

The boy bared her teeth and spun, kicking his leg out aiming to catch my neck. It was quick, not enough to catch me off guard but he was fast. Was he an ukaku? I crouched beneath his swing and slid to the side. I kicked off the ground and met him midair as he jumped again. His fist caught my shin but with momentum on my side I powered through the blow. I knocked him off balance as we each landed, him on one foot and me on my hands. I spun this time, windmilling with both legs outstretched and my foot connected with his jaw. There was a dull crack that reverberated up my leg and he stumbled back.

We traded blows again and again, each time he got slower and slower by small margins. Neither of us went for weapons. The time it would take to grab one would give the other an unprotected back and the end of our dance. My left hand hung limply and would no longer form a fist but apart from scrapes and fast healing bruises, that was the extent of my injuries. Black on the other hand was starting to breathe more heavily and his right leg was bent at an unnatural angle. He stood on her other leg, even resorting to using his hands to throw himself at me again and again.

He had speed but not stamina for drawn out fights. I was the opposite. If I wasn't as fast, I was stronger and had much higher endurance. My hair nearly reached my knees, his barely touched his shoulders. Even if he was taller by two heads head, I would bring him down. I had eaten...but I could not waste food.

As black tried to jump again something shimmered around his back. He stumbled and landed on his face; something dark blue was coalescing above him. Some instinct screamed at me to move and a second later I found myself standing above the other boy. I tore his shirt off, shredding the fabric and I laid eyes on what was within him. Below the skin behind his shoulder was a dark mass. The skin seemed to twist and morph as if trying to burst free. Without thinking I drove my straight hand into the centre of the spot and squeezed. He screamed as I dug around inside him until I found it, and ripped it free.

The dark blob of flesh gave off a strange light as it lay in my clenched fingers. A hush settled over the arena as the audience watched me take a bite. The thing tasted awful but something quickly flooded my veins as I swallowed and it entered my stomach. Black was crying as he flailed with his remaining limbs, desperate to get it back.

I crammed the rest of it into my mouth and swallowed it whole. Then I slammed my foot down on the back of black's head.

* * *

Twenty two of my own scratches and eighteen of hers later something different happened. I woke up as the footsteps stopped outside and the lock of our cell clicked open but the girl was out cold. A strange smelling man entered my cave. He reeked of sweat and alcohol as he practically stepped over me.

The girl didn't notice until it was too late for her. The strange man dragged her from her spot in the corner and flung her to the floor. She cried out in pain and surprise when her head hit the stone. Somehow my black tangled mess of hair shrouded me from his sight, making him believe it was only him and the girl. Maybe he did see me but didn't know who I was.

He was panting and drooling when he climbed on top of her. He was an adult and she was maybe a head taller than myself. She was dazed from her injury and in no state to defend herself as the man grasped her dress by the chest and tore it off her. Her flesh lay bare. She wore no other clothing beneath. I traced the small swells of her breasts and thin waist. My eyes trailed lower and I saw what made her bleed every time she made her marks on the wall.

I was familiar with mutilation. It was a subject I was intimate with after all. Yet the bloody gouges and scars covering her pubic region showed me something new. The man laughed, a high pitched squealing, and began to unfasten his belt. She seemed to know what was happening and she went limp beneath him. Her eyes stared straight ahead and had completely glazed over.

Until…

Her head flopped towards me.

There was a spark of recognition in her eyes. That was all it took for the life to return and the fog to clear. Her green eyes widened when she realized she did not escape like the other times. Our eyes met and the longer we held our gaze the more alert she became. Her lips quivered. Moisture formed at the edges of her eyes and began to fall. She mouthed a single word as the man roughly forced her legs apart.

"...help…"

The man bent low and licked the side of her face, trailing his tongue from her neck to her hairline. He laughed when he tasted the saltiness of her tears.

My kakugan burned in the darkness and something erupted from my back, slamming the man into the wall.

* * *

I was in a strange place. I tried to look around but my body did not move. Everything around me was pitch black. A figure emerged from the darkness beneath me followed a moment later by a small owl and scorpion. Both creatures were small enough to perch on their shoulder and were white with black highlights.

The figure drifted closer and I was able to distinguish its features. It had incredibly pale skin and long dark hair. The dense curtain surrounded them, covering their face. The two miniature creatures merged together into a winged spiny blob before embedding itself into the person's back. They twisted and writhed, the hair parting to expose the mouth wide open in silent screams.

The skin and hair was changing. While the colour remained the same, the pale skin expanded and grew harder like an exoskeleton of an insect. It became thicker and heavier while the hair braided together in seemingly sentient strands that developed hooks and barbs at the ends. The face was overgrown with the white bone with a series of horns protruding from the centre of the forehead then along the skull like a mohawk. Suddenly the dark eye sockets lit up with crimson fire then turned upwards to where I watched the transformation. The jaw unhinged and numerous fangs extended from the bones.

The now encased figure raised its arms towards me. Each limb was sleek and smooth save for the joints where black writhing flesh surged beneath the outer bone. The articulated plates across the chest and back buckled and meshed together as it moved. The hands and feet had evolved into long claws and talons, each tipped black. Its burning eyes locked onto me and I swore I felt it smiling…

I flinched and the image was gone. I was awake again.

I was wet.

It was warm.

Why did that feel familiar?

Something creaked and crackled in my cell with me but it was a sound I never heard before. The air was heavy with the scent of blood.

I opened my eyes and found the redhead cradled in my arms. The girl was naked. Her arms lay folded between her small breasts and her legs tucked up around me. Her pale skin was stained and dirty. The girl's scarlet hair stuck to her neck in a wet matted mess but I could barely hear her breathing.

The twisting and writhing noise returned causing me to look up. Something else was in my cage. A body lay against the opposite wall though it was not much of a body. It was half of a torso. Further away was a leg and an arm in the other direction. Each had large chunks missing but the head was nowhere to be seen. Something else moved in the cell with me. My head whipped around to locate the source of the sound.

It was a long tentacle with what appeared to be bony ringlets covering a black or dark red fleshy interior. The bones were white like a cleaned carcass, each with four bladed points spaced around the rings. The crackling I heard was the shifting ringlets as the small blades rubbed against one another. It seemed to originate from my lower back.

I reached out to touch the kagune and it responded to me. Both arms curled around, just far enough away that the spikes weren't touching me. The kagune was about the same thickness as my leg but doubled the width with the blades and spines lining each surface. There was a barbed spike at each tip like a gruesome arrowhead. The two tentacles were dripping with blood and bits of flesh stuck to the numerous spines. It didn't take me long to piece together what I had done to the man trying to rape my roommate. Something else drifted above me. A heavy shadow passed over as something large curled around us in the darkness. From the corner of my eye I saw what looked like a large white wing bending around me.

The wing was about two metres long and was primarily bone white. Its edges were black with large pulsing veins of the same colour meeting in the centre in a glowing red eye. The tip seemed to split apart and rather than being a single point, it separated similar to feathers or claws. The kagune grew and shrank gradually as if undecided on its size. I reached out to touch it and the wing expanded to surround my right side and drew closer. It was firm yet smooth and surprisingly gentle to the touch. It felt like a barrier, something to shelter me. Both wings grew once more until the girl and I were completely cocooned. I felt my other kagune encircling me just beyond the shell, skittering against the stone walls of our cell.

There was something so incredibly familiar about my newly emerged kagune. Each were distinct and had their own shape and design but it was as if the two had been fused together in my body. I had assumed I was a rinkaku but it seemed I had a koukaku as well. I knew I had seen them somewhere before…

Blades and flower petals...

An image of the sky and sunlight streamed into my mind showering me in warmth. A young girl in a yellow sundress with flowers and a butterfly in her hair appeared before me. She was smiling so brightly. She looked so happy…

I knew her from somewhere…

Suddenly more images sprang forth. I saw a beautiful woman reaching out to me from above, her face so soft and gentle. A smiling man appeared next to her and wrapped one arm around the woman while his other waved at me. Their scents filled my mind like they were the most precious treasure in the world that I kept hidden away, even from myself.

Within my dark cocoon, I gently pressed my hand on the glowing red eye. It felt like a warm star watching over me. By the dim light, I stared at the girl's face as memories of my past fluttered to and fro. She was pretty. The shape of her face and body were that of a young teen and she was undeniably attractive. The scent of blood was becoming overwhelming.

Slowly, my black and white wings parted and one of my two spined tentacles speared one of the legs lying in the centimetre deep puddle covering my floor. There was a wet squelch as my kagune impaled the severed limb then dragged it towards me. I took the leg from my coiling rinkaku and tore a large chunk from the calf. Blood dripped onto the girl's pale skin. The colour spread like poison across her. What did I feel? Was it pity? I didn't want to see her in pain any more or endure whatever that man was about to do to her.

The warmth inside me was becoming hot. _Angry._ I gripped her tightly. I had lived in this hell for long enough. My four extra limbs bristled with anticipation in an odd show of support. With them I could break free. Where was this determination coming from?

As I prepared to stand I finally noticed something was wrong. Blood seeped into my lap and it was not until I rolled her over that I saw it. Along her back, crisscrossing her spine, were numerous deep cuts. The vertebrae had been sliced apart leaving her likely paralyzed.

I glanced up at my rinkaku and the countless sharp blood covered blades. Not all of it belonged to that man.

Her body was still warm when I bit into her flesh. She was the best tasting thing I had eaten in longer than I could remember. As the first person I have ever killed unintentionally, I couldn't overlook the bittersweetness of her blood. Nor could I stop the first tears I had cried in years. The images of my precious family I had hidden away melted my frozen shell I made to shelter myself.

Salty tears streamed down my cheeks as I hugged the warm corpse. Her fingernails were cracked and split from her marks on the wall. Over eighty times she left our cell and returned to make another mark. In that time we hardly ever spoke. Touching fingers and holding hands communicated far more than simple words. I didn't want to eat her. I didn't want to kill her. Somewhere along the line she was not food anymore. If she were a ghoul then she could recover from this injury but as a human she had no chance.

Her arm flopped to the floor and her head slumped back against my arm. I watched her face; so still and peaceful. Finally absent of pain and torment. Maybe it was better for her this way. She was free and no longer trapped in this cruel world. My white and black kagunes rustled against the walls of my cell, the strange appendages scraping through my hundreds upon hundreds of marks. The sounds drew my attention to my wings and spines like some hybrid of an angel and demon. This world was well suited for a creature like me.

She didn't deserve to come here into this hell. I was already a monster, or made into one anyway. I took another bite before pushing her body away.

I lowered the girl to the floor and slicing off a lock of her hair with my rinkaku. Even if I somehow wanted to take her with me, she would not survive and her body would only slow me down. I tied the lock of hair into a knot so it would stay together then slipped it into my pocket. Covering her naked body with the remnants of my shirt and her dress, I faced the iron bars of my cage.

My throat was rough and refused my commands but eventually I managed to speak a simple word in my old tongue.

" _Sorry…"_

When I got to the surface, I would bury her.

Smashing the bars with my wings felt almost too easy. The metal door blasted off its hinges and flew across the hall into the cage across from me with a horrendous crash. Like a demon emerging from the mists, I stepped beyond my cell for the first time of my own volition. The dust cloud coiled and churned around me as my wings flexed and fanned in the corridor. My rinkaku spines chittered across the metal bars and concrete, destroying my calendar in the process.

A hush fell over the other cells. There was no way they hadn't heard the commotion. A few pairs of cautious eyes appeared at the bars lining the hallway followed by gasps murmurs. I ignored the sounds like I always did and strode past, my bare feet clapping slowing along the floor and my kagunes creaking and crackling as they trailed behind me.

Silence reigned among the others until I reached the end of our cell block.

"Aren't you gonna let us out?"

My koukaku shrunk until they were each a metre long and half as wide. I turned and looked back down the hall. Every other occupant had their faces pressed to the bars of their cells trying to watch me; a collection of wide-eyed children with terror and hope etched upon them. My face was moist with blood and tears yet none fell for them. They called me the monster… They were afraid of me… A pathetic collection of those unable to stand on their own. Would they seek the aid of the one they scorned?

The lock of hair in my pocket weighed down on me like a brick. If they died, so be it. I raised my rinkaku tentacles and like a bladed tornado, slashed them against every available surface. Screams lit up the halls of both fear and pain as those who did not move back had their faces shredded. Somehow the spines tore through the metal bars and the occupied cells unlocked. I returned to the door and passed the threshold, unconcerned whether they got out on their own.

Numerous flavours of blood flooded the hall, erasing the scent of the girl from my nose. Though I couldn't pick out hers in the cacophony of fragrances, it was locked securely in my mind. I wasn't hungry anymore.

The halls beyond my cell block were bare and empty. There was a different scent in the air, something unfamiliar. I visited each cell block that I remembered passing in my previous trips through the facility and repeated my act of "heroism" as some of the kids called it. Each group recovered quicker than the last as both human and ghoul sought freedom. Soon enough there was a small crowd that decided to follow me; a mix of both genders and species. The others had fled in all directions upon discovering their freedom but these did not. They tried to approach but all were fearful of the lazily flapping wings and drifting articulated spears.

Something else was going on that I did not understand. Where were all the people?

After stopping at five cell blocks I had yet to encounter a single adult. The rapist had been the only one and where had he come from? The dozen or so children appeared oblivious for the most part but some were beginning to look concerned. I retraced my steps to the path to the arena that I was familiar with. That was the only place that I knew of that had some sort of exit.

Without anything to attack as I slowly wandered the halls my kagune retreated into my back. The extra appendages dissipated into a dark cloud of RC cells and I stumbled, nearly tripping. I wasn't sure I had heard it properly the first time but without the constant crackling of my kagune I could distinguish the sound more clearly: clashing, clanging, banging and booming. Screams and yells. The unmistakable symphony of combat coming from up ahead.

I felt like walking in a dream through the empty halls. Dim lights and shadows surrounded me as I dragged myself along the wall. The sounds were coming from the arena but why? There were always people around whenever I was taken from my cell. What was going on this time?

A boy with shorter hair ran past me towards the noise. He stopped at the end of the hall at an intersection. I knew the arena was to the left but he was staring in the other direction. His mouth fell open and he pointed around the corner at something we could not see.

An adult voice reached my ears from the direction he was pointing. "What the fuck are you doing out of your cell!" A moment later the boy flew backwards to the left hall followed by a man in a black suit. The boy hit the ground with a loud thud but the man stopped at the intersection as his head turned towards us. "Wha?!" Before I could react the man charged. A dark green kagune sprouted from his back and swung at me.

With a loud cry, the group of kids behind me surged forward. I could only blink in numb surprise as one of the boys caught the man's kagune with his stomach while the others piled on top of him. Their screams of repressed rage filled my ears. Fists slammed downwards as they pummelled him. Bits of torn clothing flew into the air as the team of prisoners ripped the ghoul apart. The group didn't care if they were humans or ghouls because in that moment they finally had a real taste of freedom. They spent it on pure unbridled revenge, holding nothing back as their screams and fury became unleashed.

A smile tugged at the edges of my lips. The wall was the only thing supporting me as I observed the spectacle. It never occured to me how much _fun_ it was to watch. Always I had been a performer but now I was the audience. I came to understand the appeal as the man's struggling became weaker. With ten young teens beating him, even if he was a ghoul, he would be hard pressed to defeat them all. The grin grew as the impaled boy fought through the pain and slashed at the man's eyes, drawing blood to match his own. Other kids battered him with their hands and feet while more bit and tore at his limbs. Blood flowed across the floor.

Eventually the man's screams and flailings ceased and the mob devoured him. As I watched the group eat I was overcome with a strange emotion. The boys and girls, the humans and ghouls. They ate him all the same. How often did you get to see such kinship between our species? In my eyes they had become food, no matter which. Ironically, what truly brought them together for me was food once again. I was no different.

We were all the same. We were all monsters.

One of the ones without a kakugan approached me. She was two heads taller than me and her face was cut and scraped, likely by me. I looked up at her smiling face, dripping blood both hers and not. Her eyes burned with an intense flame as she outstretched her hand to me. "Let's get out of here." The girl's black hair reached her shoulders, not a great indication but she was not fresh. I took her hand and she pulled me upright, holding me beside her. Her hand trembled as the adrenaline coursed through her. She grinned with excitement. "What do you say?"

The nine other kids roared in approval. Did they want freedom or revenge? I looked between them as the group stood and faced me. Human. Ghoul. It did not matter which. A kakugan was the only way to distinguish them. All were covered in the same blood. All were eating the same food.

What you were born as did not make you a monster. I looked from human to ghoul, and ghoul to human. I could no longer tell them apart. It was time put on our grand finale.

* * *

 **AN: Took me a while to get this one organized and I sat on it for quite a while. I wrote a chapter of about 11k but then decided I didn't like the direction so I scrapped most of it. It's honestly very challenging to write first person of someone who is emotionally shut down and closed off. Hiro is starting to reawaken after numbing himself to his daily trauma so it will be a slow process before he is more normalized. I hope that came across but something like this chapter would probably have been easier to do in the third person.**

 **I keep thinking back to his goals of writing and such and how he completely missed out on all of that and is now a killing machine. Oops! Normal society will be an interesting change, especially with Anteiku ghouls who don't hunt.**

 **To everyone asking about his Kagune and GUNdalf with the kakuja, at first I didn't want him to have one because literally everyone and their dog has some form of one or another later on in the plot. Also a lot of MC's in other stories have them as well like they are free samples at a fruit stand. However, as I was writing and how he fought, killed, and ate other ghouls in addition to the humans, him developing a kakuja sort of happened. It will appear but probably not until he's older and more canony stuff is happening.** **Regarding the kagune, they are similar to his parents but are quite distinct due to the ghoul portion of his diet of the last seven years. I hope you liked them!**

 **Thank you everyone who reads, favs, and follows this story. It's heartwarming how many people are enjoying this.**

 **Reviews!**

 **sucuri: ty bb! I'm still planning out the future so I don't have much set in stone yet. The fact that this was my second time writing this chapter proves such. I want to get caught up to the canon pretty quickly so I will probably do some more stuff from Hinami's perspective after I finish this 'arc.'**

 **GUNdalf: Writing a mental illness in the first person is pretty challenging. You actually gave me a lot to think about when writing this chapter. His SI-ness makes him pretty different but by this point he is fully embracing his ghoul nature out of a matter for survival. He is definitely going to have his issues, if that wasn't already clear but this chapter was mostly mindlessness with a brief awakening.**

 **BloodRaven, sousie, PalaeonMichael, Furukawa, Accelerator Chan, and Guest: Thanks for your comments! I really appreciate the support form everyone! Hopefully I've answered everyone's questions. I'll see you in my next chapter!**


	5. Sunrise

"Hey Hiro, you're up early again."

I didn't need to look to know who stepped out to join me on the roof. She was the only one who visited me like this. If she were trying to sneak up on me I would have heard her just the same.

"Good morning Setsuna." I returned her greeting.

The black haired girl sat down beside me, two paces away, holding her plate with a a pair of rice balls in her lap. Setsuna was fifteen. Like her hair, her eyes were dark and slightly sunken in her skull; leftovers of her own time in the darkness of Sparrow's nest. I never knew if the blackness was natural or due to something else. It felt wrong of me to ask. In the last four months, we never spoke about our time there.

"Are Kaneda and Tetsuo back yet?"

Setsuna grumbled something unintelligible around a mouthful of rice. I looked up from my stolen sketchbook and pen as she choked. After an uncomfortable several seconds of hearing her quite audible chewing, she swallowed and cleared her throat. "Not yet. But it's only five."

"They were supposed to be back seven hours ago."

That seemed to sink in for her. I was growing concerned how relaxed the girl had become recently. Apparently living with ghouls made her forget how unusual our group's situation really was compared to the rest of the city. She shouldn't feel safe around us. If we got hungry and she was close by… I batted the thoughts away. Satsuna was one of the few people I would not eat no matter what.

Looking back on it, it was strange how we all pulled together despite our opposing lifestyles. Four months had passed in the blink of an eye since we escaped Sparrow's talons. As we all stood over the dead ghoul, a pact was formed between us all. We became brothers and sisters in spilt blood. Unfortunately we would not stay that way forever.

Only six of us were still together. The rest had fallen to ghouls and the CCG. That day we snatched our freedom was a dark time for the ghouls. Corpses littered the facility and none of them were our kills. As we crept through the facility we came across a squad of heavily armed humans. They were Investigators and we would not be alive if the actual humans among us collapsed at their feet in gratitude for "saving us."

At the time, the doves did not know there were ghouls among those abducted for the arena. Thanks to my liberation of the other cell blocks, the support staff were overwhelmed when escapees reached their perimeter. It gave us barely enough time to be escorted to the surface and two humans from our group distracted the guards and allowed the rest of us to flee.

We never saw those two again and I never heard their names, not that I was very cognitiant in those early days. The remaining eight of us managed to slip through the blockade due to a counterattack from the defending ghouls. From there, we ran.

My memories of the escape are somewhat unclear to me. I remember sights and sounds, my return to the surface was a complete shock to my body and senses. With my first formation of my kagunes I was teetering on collapse. Years spent living in a filthy and bloodsoaked biome prepared nothing for me for the scents of urban ghoul-infested Tokyo. Ironic.

When I awoke later we were in a dark warehouse. The others had taken turns carrying me in our flight but we were down to seven. The sirens wailed outside for the rest of the night and long into the morning. Stepping outside blinded me. My eyes burned like some sort of vampire when I first beheld the sunlight. I healed quickly for the pain was nothing compared to my time in the nest yet sensations filled me with a sense of relief. I was above ground. I was free.

The girl who first reached out to me was Setsuna. She was the second oldest after Kaneda who was sixteen. Kaneda became the de facto leader while I was unconscious. They look to me for approval before making any big decisions now. Probably because I was the one who freed them. Or they were just afraid of me. It was a while until I was able to function like a semi-normal person and not attack people when they came close to me.

It was an ongoing project.

Tetsuo was 13 and one of the most recent to be trapped in Sparrow's nest. The boy was one of the humans and even though he was a new member of our family, he was adapting to our lifestyle rather well. The other three were younger than me. The boys were human and cell mates so they stuck to one another like shitty grade school glue. Mako and Tsukasa were their names. The last of us, another ghoul and girl, was Tama. Kaneda, Tama and I were the only ghouls left. The others… well… we could not keep everyone with us.

I butchered Miroku when I heard him trying to attack Tama when the rest were out getting supplies. When they came back and found me lying in a pool of his blood and dismembered limbs with the young girl crying in my arms they suspected the worst. It was his bad luck that I was hungry but with what he was trying to do to Tama, I _relished_ shredding him. Why Miroku tried such a thing I do not know but it certainly changed the group dynamic afterwards.

"Do you think something happened to them?" Setsuna asked and pulled me to the present. As the second oldest she tried to put on a smile for the younger ones and read to us whenever we found books. She included me among them and ironically, I was the furthest behind everyone in terms of literacy. If I had a sense of pride anymore, it would be wounded.

"This city isn't safe." I didn't need to say any more as both of us knew the dangers that faced our little group.

"We know that Hiro, you worry too much." She gave what she hoped was an encouraging smile. It was more of a grimace. Her grin cracked and faltered and her eyes turned downwards to her lap. She took another bite of her rice ball, chewing softly. A small pattering of footsteps drew near and another ghoul's scent reached me.

"Good morning Tama-chan. Did you sleep well?" The seven year old gasped from the doorway as she poked her head around the frame. A moment later she joined us on the roof of our hideout. It was just an abandoned tenement building. Not many people came here so it was relatively safe. Tama sat on my left and dangled her legs over the edge of the roof. She nodded in her typical silent manner. After Miroku she stayed closer to me even though she watched me disemboweled him.

Setsuna smiled brightly at the young girl. "Hi Tama-chan! How are you feeling today? Did you eat enough yesterday?"

Tama flinched. She was shy about being a ghoul and especially so around the remaining humans in our group. She nodded quickly and hid behind her bangs. We never spoke about our time in the nest but whatever Tama endured had damaged her on a very deep level.

She wasn't the only one. I clenched the small black bag in my lap. I had yet to find a place to bury it so I kept her with me in a small pouch.

I looked to the distant horizon where the sun was just beginning to appear over the bay. Ever since leaving the nest I made a promise to myself to watch the sunrise as often as I could. So far that meant every day for the past month. Setsuna had been joining me for the last few weeks as I watched the world turn to day.

It helped me think of my last happy memory from so long ago.

I was concerned. We finished off most of our food the day before so Kaneda and Tetsuo went to acquire more for the group. Obtaining food for the others was easy. It was simple for a ghoul to rob a store with our enhanced speed and agility. I had gotten quite good at it too and thanks to that new talent, each of us had at least one set of clothes to wear. It was better than the rags we left with. The older boys went together the night before to hunt. Even if one was human, Tetsuo demonstrated he was able to kill outside the arena as well as in it. The likelihood of any of us having something remotely close to a normal life became slimmer with each passing day. I never had any hope for myself but the others might have a chance.

The sun edged over the harbour across the city, making it six hours overdue for our friends. The gentle warmth thawed some of the ice coating my veins and heart, though not much. With my daily ritual completed, I took Tama's hand and went back inside to join the others. Physical contact was something I was still getting used to. Forcing myself not to tear into people if they touched me was sometimes very difficult. My instincts and reaction time remained as sharp as it did when I slaughtered for the arena. If I initiated the contact it was easier to manage.

Setsuna led the way into the dilapidated apartment building to the few rooms we claimed as our own. Mako and Kira sat on the floor sharing a dry bowl of cereal. They looked up as we walked in and smiled when Setsuna sat with them. Tama clutched my hand tighter as the three humans spoke to one another. I patted the young girl's head and she gave a weak smile in response.

Watching the humans made me think how strange our group was. Ghouls and humans coexisting was truly possible on a small scale. We took what was needed to survive, be it supplies or food and shared amongst ourselves. While it was achievable due to our shared experience in the nest I often wondered if the two species could get along.

Naive.

The prospects were grim. Even with the ancient memories I carried, I knew it was foolish to wish for such a thing. As long as people saw each other as ghoul and human there would be no peace. Hell, even humans can't all get along and they _are_ the same species. These boundaries are not something that can be broken down entirely. Our diet could not be ignored. A shift in perspective of that scale would be impossible without some earth shattering event. I did not know if one was coming or not.

I did not know how events in this world would play out. The uncertainty nibbled away at me like a tapeworm that I could not remove for what I knew had long since left my mind. There was one person I could ask for advice but I did not want to go for a number of reasons. It was my single lead on finding my family… but I could not bring myself to seek them out. I lived each day paralyzed with indecision. It was so much simpler when all I had to do was sit in my cell and wait for the next fight and meal.

"Hiro-nii?"

Tama's soft voice shook me from my thoughts, returning me to reality. I was often lost in my mind and the others had begun to comment on my spaciness of late. I guess I wasn't used to the company of others. The small bag in my pocket suddenly felt much heavier. A reminder of what I left behind and what lay ahead.

I took a deep breath and braced myself. No time like the present.

"I'm going out today."

Four heads turned toward me.

Setsuna seemed taken aback and the two boys were surprised. They were scared. Tama gripped my arm just a tiny bit tighter.

"Are you sure?" The eldest asked. "We always waited for the others to get back before leaving again. "

"I know," I told her and the others, "but there's a place I need to go."

Conflict crossed her face before she nodded in understanding. She could look after the others for a while without me and she suspected there was something eating at me.

Maybe if I had told them where I was going it would have made things safer. They understood me well enough not to try and stop me.

* * *

An hour later I was strolling the streets of urban Tokyo. It was still early in the morning so the only ones out and about were those on their way to work. The city welcomed me back with its concrete and steel arms and the morning chill. I stuffed my hands into the pockets of my purple jacket as my flip-flops paced the sidewalk. With my hair in a single braid that went well past my waist, lots of people weren't sure if I was a boy or girl, not that it really mattered. It was still the body of a child even if it was an inhumanly strong one.

The sun was starting to warm the air when I entered an internet cafe that had just opened for business. I wandered the shop until sitting down at one of the computers. It was my first time actually entering the cafe though I had walked past it on several occasions. I had a small bit of money from the wallet of my most recent hunt so I at least seemed less homeless than I actually was. People were always suspicious of children on the streets as they were often ghouls.

I spent the first several minutes getting reacquainted with the PC before searching what I wanted to know. Somehow to my immense relief and confusion our group had wandered into the 20th ward over the last month. I studied the maps as often as I could for I had lost too much time in learning the local geography. Fortunately it seemed fate was being kind for once in my life.

Searching through the web I located what I sought. I was scared to go looking on the chance it didn't actually exist. My head hit my hands and I heaved a sigh of relief. It was there...and now I knew where it was. A small smile spread my lips as I discerned enough of the page description to understand the directions. Long ago I wanted to learn write but now I hardly knew anything anymore. If not for Setsuna teaching the younger ones I wouldn't even be able to use the computer. Tama could read and write better than I could and she was by far the youngest. I did learn more effectively in a tactile environment anyway.

I managed to print off a map and directions and tucked it into my pocket. The owner thanked me as I left a few hundred yen on the counter and stepped outside. The morning air was cold as I inhaled the freshness into my lungs. I would never take the surface for granted again. It was now a bit later in the day and my route to the cafe led me past a group of students. They completely ignored me, a sandal clad, shorts wearing preteen as they moved en masse to school. Some were on their phones or chatting animatedly with their friends. Unfortunately I couldn't read much of my map or some of the street names in Kanji so I ended up stopping on a corner to decipher my directions.

"Hi there! Are you lost?" A cheerful girl's voice reached out to me and I looked up from my map. A girl much taller than me stood on the other side of my paper. I knew she was human without even trying to smell her. She wore a beige cardigan over her school uniform and had light brown hair that was almost blonde in the morning sunlight. Before I could respond the teenager snatched my printed map and rotated it so she could see. Her soft brown eyes lit up with excitement.

"You're going to Anteiku aren't you!"

I nodded, unsure if I should be correctly interpreting her enthusiasm as a threat. She took a step closer and my body screamed out at me to attack her.

"My friend works there! She can guide you!" She looked over her shoulder in search of said friend. I poked my head around her to see who she was waving over and a simultaneous chill and warmth seeped through me. Dressed in the same uniform as the girl before me, a girl stalked towards us with a scowl on her face half obscured by her hair. The girl eyed her friend lazily and yawned as she called out:

"What is it Yoriko?"

Oblivious to my shock or the girl's apathy and tiredness she chirped excitedly, "This girl is trying to get to the cafe you work at! What a cool coincidence!"

That woke her up.

A single violet eye flicked from Yoriko and landed firmly on me. It widened in surprise as she mouthed "Hinami?" before her gaze hardened and she approached me. With a hunter's intensity she scanned my body and face.

"Tou-" I managed to cut myself off from saying the rest of her name on reflex. Before either of us could speak Yoriko waved my map between us. "Touka-chan what's with that face! You should help her!"

Kirishima Touka leaned down so our eyes were level with one another. "Why do you want to go to Anteiku?" I couldn't imagine her not knowing I was a ghoul. She stared at me until I came up with a satisfactory response that would make sense and hopefully get her help...not that I wanted to tell her I was the long lost twin of some family friends of hers.

"I missed breakfast."

Yoriko failed to understand the significance of my answer, thankfully, but the the violet haired girl got my message loud and clear. I hoped she would help me but there was something about her that put me on edge. Maybe if was the surge of anxiety, relief, panic, comfort and fear I felt from finally meeting someone I technically knew or it could have been that the violet haired ghoul was even more beautiful than I imagined. I was too old to have a crush on her, I berated my preteen body. My mouth quirked into what I hoped was a harmless grin. Touka searched my eyes for something, her own curious but guarded and cautious.

"Do you have a sister or something? You look just like someone I know." she asked. My breath hitched as her hand reached for my face. I tried to stop her but she vanished from my sight in an instant as darkness l filled my vision. A bloodied knife morphed into existence an inch away from my eye and a mask of bone white and crimson materialized before me.

The scalpel brushed my temple, the incredibly sharp blade piercing my skin and slicing down into my cheek. Chains and leather straps bound my limbs to a cold steel table. A scream forced its way from my throat as my face peeled away. Blood curried my vision and the bird mask drew closer. Another blade appeared in the corner of my eye, a jigsaw with rusted but still razor sharp teeth.

I squirmed.

The chains tightened but Sparrow pulled the scalpel from my sliced face and stepped back as the saw bit into my left arm. The teeth tore my flesh and gnawed upon the bone. Tremors shook up my shoulder.

 _Kill_

My other arm broke free and managed to wrench the saw away. With a crunch the rest of the bindings fell away and my vision cleared. It was the pit. Sparrow stepped back and immediately settled into a combat stance. The scalpel clattered to the floor and the saw wielder backed away.

Like some primordial reawakened beast, I roared. Years of suppressed rage and vengeance boiled over from my core.

 _Kill_

Sparrow braced to block but the faceless partner dove between us. I wove beneath the outstretched arms and drove my fist into their gut with nothing held back. The figure doubled over and collapsed with a gasp. Sparrow retaliated with a kick to the side of my head.

My vision blurred as I flew to the side and hit the ground. Hard. Sparrow didn't kick like that.

"...ri..."

My head spun and ached like I was in an airplane.

"...riko..."

The pavement snapped into focus beneath me instead of the metal and dirt of the arena.

What happened? Where was I?

I slowly looked over my shoulder and dread spread through my veins like a numbing toxin. Touka was kneeling on the sidewalk, her hair falling around her face in a dark curtain. Beside her, sprawled upon the ground and clutching her stomach was her best friend.

"Yoriko?" Her voice was timid and meek, afraid. She gently shook the downed girl's shoulder. "Hey Yoriko wake up…"

A small crowd had gathered around us. Realizing I was still there, Touka looked up, her eyes burning with hatred and rage.

Oh fuck.

"YOU!" she all but screamed.

I backpedaled, pushing myself away from the infuriated girl as she stormed towards me. I barely made it a metre before she trapped by collar and hoisted me effortlessly into the air. Her beautiful eyes radiated raw and unbridled hatred. She snarled. Black veins were beginning to emerge around her eyes.

All around us pedestrians stopped on account of our fight. Several had phones out, cameras trained on us to record the exchange. I tried to find my voice to warn her but her intense grip left me barely any room to breathe. My body screamed at me to fight and tear her apart with instincts honed from years of combat. I forced myself back and squeezed my eyes shut to block out my sight. A sputtering gasp escaped my lips.

"What was that!?" Touka growled again, misunderstanding my choking and weak slapping at her arm. It must have looked like I was petrified in terror.

"Not...here…" I managed to get the message across and she froze a second later. My toes brushed the ground as both my sandals had long since abandoned me and fled. Touka's head tipped slightly, her eyes disappearing as she fought back against her transformation.

My feet touched down when she finally lowered me to the ground again. I breathed a sigh of relief. "I'm so-"

Her clenched fist smashed into my face with the comparable force of a sledgehammer. I felt my jaw crack and my head snapped back from her strike. My teeth clenched and went clean through my tongue. Again I struggled against my urge to let loose and tear into her. Could I beat her? Possibly but I would certainly not fight surrounded by humans. Didn't she pay attention to her surroundings?

Without warning she released my collar, dropping me in an unceremoniously heap as blood quickly pooled inside my mouth. The pain slipped away leaving a warmth in my fractured nerves and a dull throbbing. Touka was furious. Yoriko was unconscious, thankfully, and her presence was probably the only thing holding the older girl from ripping me apart on the spot, damn the the crowd watching us.

"If I ever see you again brat," her burning eyes radiating fury, "I will kill you."

My hands clenched as a spasm of anger shook through me. Arrogant bitch! The righteous glare on her face utterly pissed me off.

"Until next time then!" I half growled, a direct challenge if ever there was one. An ounce of shock appeared on her face.

I turned and Touka shifted on her feet as if unsure to pursue me or stay with Yoriko. My hands clenched into small fists and I forced my way through the dozen or so spectators. I really needed to break something. Preferably animate.

"Did you see that?"

"Yeah! Do they know martial arts?"

"What's with that hair?"

"Do they know each other?"

"That was right out of an anime or something!"

"I already posted it, that was sweet!"

"Fucking teenagers…" I muttered under my breath.

Touka did not follow me and no one offered to help her or Yoriko. Not that I was expecting any of them to.

* * *

Numerous fist sized holes in an alley wall later I slumped to the ground behind a thoroughly dented dumpster. I fiddled with my braid and inhaled deeply of the somewhat unpleasant air to try and calm down. That did not go well. That did not go well at all. If Kirishima Touka was anything, she was not one to forget a grudge. She recognized me though. Or she mistook me for Hinami for a moment.

It used to be when I thought of her my chest would ache. Now I felt nothing but the cold pavement. I didn't know her anymore. "Pull yourself together!" My attempt at encouragement deflated as quickly as it came. I almost did not want to see them again. I did not want them to know what I became.

I survive hundreds of battles in the arena and can kill without hesitation but the thought of facing my family is too much for me. The cafe was just across the street. It was mid morning so it was rather busy now. No one would pay attention to me if I slipped inside. My toes curled on the pavement once more reminding me of my lack of footwear. It was fine. I was more comfortable without them anyway.

SMACK

My cheek stung.

Get this over with. In and out. Nice and easy. No one will recognize me. I hopped the median and stopped outside the Anteiku lantern. It was a beautiful design. The stairs before me rose into the shadows of the interior like a gateway. Would it take me to heaven or hell?

I was raised in hell. One more time wouldn't kill me.

Deep breath…

I reached the door. Muffled laughter and ambient conversation with the clinking of dishware cluttered my hearing. The bell above the frame jingled excitedly, almost overeager, as it welcomed another guest. The warm inviting aroma of fresh coffee flooded my senses as I crossed the threshold to a small chorus of:

"Welcome to Anteiku!"

The interior was… not exactly what I was expecting. Yes, the wood finishing, tables and chairs beneath the large wide windows was what I pictured. However, the atmosphere was strange. It felt inviting and friendly. It unnerved me. Most of the tables were occupied with adults of a variety of ages. I knew right away that I was the only child and I wanted to slaughter everyone on sight.

Flashes of bright and colourful images appeared before me, each lasting only an instant as they transposed themselves onto the scene. I saw the cafe, hand drawn and animated that melted away to leave me with the very real interior. It was a perfect match; as if the drawings themselves had been giving life and turned to reality. It felt so familiar...the first place I recognized in a long time.

The tables were filled with very real customers, ghouls and ignorant humans enjoyed one another's company. A tall slender woman with long dark hair turned towards me. She wore half a dress suit with a vest overtop a white dress shirt and a black skirt that reached her knees. Her tranquil but curious face was quite striking as she welcomed the new customer. On the other side of the bar, a man with slightly poofy hair, for lack of a better word, and a similar uniform was busy filling several white cups with steaming black liquid. A soft smile graced his serene face as he worked.

I wouldn't have imagined them to be gang leaders and ghouls known to terrorize the entire 20th ward. But here they were: Irimi and Koma, looking for all the world to be happy and peaceful people. My chest tightened as another wave of nostalgia washed over me. This place was truly special. I could tell the moment I stepped inside. The two were the only employees in sight though the cafe was perfectly content under their care.

I already knew I did not belong in this place.

Irimi's brown eyes narrowed almost imperceptibly when she noticed my attire and missing components. My cut lip had long since healed. It was early spring and the mornings were still quite cold. We would often cuddled for warmth beneath our blankets to stave off the chill as the nights were difficult without any heat. The others did. I did not want them touching me though Tama-chan refused to sleep with anyone other than myself. She was the one exception. Irimi placed her tray and blank notepad on the bar and stepped towards me. I watched her approach, she moved gracefully and smooth like a cat.

"Hello there. Aren't you cold, dressed like that?" The woman smiled gently as she knelt before me. Her face began pleasant and enticing but her brows arched in confusion or concern when I flinched away from her outstretched hand.

"I..." I began, taking a small step backwards. "Is the manager in?"

"Tenchou?" Irimi indicated to an empty bar stool beside her. "He just stepped out to run an errand, something about another of our employees but he should not be long. You are more than welcome to wait here for him." She was careful not to touch me as she guided me to the seat and I climbed on. The leather crackled gently as my weight settled.

"Koma-kun, a cup for our new friend here. House blend." Irimi said to the man behind the counter as she headed to a table to collect their empty dishes.

"Coming right up." Koma lifted a kettle and began to carefully pour steaming water over the ground beans. His hands were completely steady as he alternated between pouring clockwise and counter. The dark liquid dripped into the carafe below the filter in an ever increasing but constant stream. The man wore a look of intense concentration but was finding obvious pleasure and relaxation from the outwardly simple task.

It was a beautiful thing to watch, really. The steaming brew reached my nostrils and I inhaled deeply. It was… amazing. With a final flourish, Koma completed his pour then set the kettle aside. He selected a clean cup and saucer and gently filled it with the steaming coffee. Koma winked at me and smiled as he opened a small wooden box and withdrew two sugar cubes.

I opened my mouth to tell him I did not want them when his signal clicked. The cubes were brown, with a slight red tinge to them. Somehow I knew, or remembered what they were and did not object when he placed them on the pristine white saucer along with the coffee. Koma set the loaded saucer on the bar in front of me and smiled warmly once more. "Enjoy!"

I returned his grin, though somewhat awkwardly, and looked down at the lazily swirling liquid. It was fresh, clean, pure and untainted. The opposite of me. My fingertips trembled and my skin tingled as I wrapped my hands around the steaming cup. The warmth seeped into my flesh and my fingers burned with the unfamily heat. Strangely it did not hurt but the sensation gripping my heart instilled a small ache that completely bypassed my awareness. I almost didn't want to taste it, to make the warmth in my hands last as long as possible. Koma noticed my hesitation. "Go on, give it a try. I am certain you will like it."

As I lifted the cup to my chapped lips I tried to remember the last time I had anything other than flesh, blood, or water. I came up blank as the first drops rolled over my tongue. My lips closed around the small sip and the warm cup rested gently at my opening.

I knew the taste of coffee quite well, or the old me certainly did. Coffee was almost a required subject for university. However this was _my_ first taste. I was not a connoisseur or taster so I did not know where in the world this specific bean was grown or how the technique of the barista influenced the outcome of each individual cup. But I did not care about any of that.

It was good. Damn good. So good that when I swallowed and the liquid burned my throat that for a moment -a single moment- as I savoured the delicious bitter aftertaste that I believed I was normal. The warmth moved deeper inside of me and the thought drifted away like a leaf fluttering past on a windy day: here for a moment then gone and lost in the swirling mass of its dying brethren. I was not normal. The chill of reality returned.

Koma watched with a careful eye before nodding to himself and stroking his chin thoughtfully, apparently satisfied with my reaction to his coffee. "If you think that was good, get the manager to make some for you. The man is an artist." I could see the admiration in his eyes as he began to clean the spent grounds and replace the filter. "If you need anything, just let me know." I took another sip, longer this time, savouring the bitterness and finding as much pleasure as my first taste.

"Delicious…" The reformed murderer beamed. The coffee was incredible. I added learning to make my own to my rather short list of goals. I sniffed one of the dark sugar cubes and confirmed my initial suspicion. How they manufactured blood infused sugar cubes was beyond me but I appreciated the effort. I popped it into my mouth and let it break apart and dissolve on my tongue. It was sweet. I relished the taste of blood.

Irimi chuckled as she appeared beside me, no doubt finding my behaviour childish in some way. "How is the coffee? Koma makes the second best cup in Anteiku." I swallowed the mix of sugar and saliva before answering.

"It was amazing." I took another sip to wash the stickiness from my mouth but I caught the look the two employees shared. "While we wait for the manager, how about you tell us a little bit about yourself? I'm Irimi Kaya, and the one who made your coffee is Koma Enji." He nodded when indicated.

"Hiro… is my name…" They both looked at me expectantly when I did not continue. They would know my family name soon but I did not want to share it yet. Hopefully I could after talking to Yoshimura.

Koma leaned across the bar and asked in a hushed tone. "Are you an orphan?" Irimi smacked his arm immediately.

"Don't ask that outright!" She pushed the man back and apologized profusely. Koma began to defend himself from Irimi's berating when I finally answered.

"Not exactly…" was all I said.

I scratched the back of my head right around the base of my braid. "Say...your hair is really long!" Irimi commented in an effort to change the subject. "How long has it been since you had it cut?" This time it was Koma who recoiled at her question. The man blanched and made a quick shushing motion at his colleague.

The warmth was gone. It slipped away in an instant and the heat from the gently steaming cup in my hands did nothing for the permafrost settled in my veins. I stared ahead, unseeing as the damp and darkness tightened its grip on me. Scratched and gouged stone pressed into my back. Dying faces with mouths and eyes wide in horror and terror clawed at me. Screams of pain and fear reverberated within my skull. The bird mask flashed before me and my entire body tensed. A faint crack trickled in from beyond the darkness and mass of blank faces surrounded by bloody primary colours. I felt wet and warm. It was like a warm blood soak only it felt unpleasant…

A startled cry pierced the shroud and my eyes snapped open to refocus on my hands. More importantly, the remains of the shattered coffee cup and the dark liquid now staining my lap.

oh

I quickly hid my coffee and china shard covered but uninjured hands beneath the bar. The silence in the cafe did not last long but it was practically overwhelming as fear and shame draped themselves around my neck like a heavy yoke. Irimi snatched a cloth and I let her drape it over my hands to cover the lack of blood. "Come on, let's get you cleaned up." Still dazed and wanting to curl up in the darkness I slid off the stool and she led me around the bar. "Koma-kun, I'll be back in a few minutes." Koma nodded resolutely before moving to the other end of the bar to pick up the broom and mop. Irimi opened the door marked "Staff Only" and stepped aside to let me up the stairs ahead of her.

We entered the staffroom on the second floor and Irimi pointed to the sink. "Wash your hands. I'll see if we have any of Ayato's old clothes… they might fit you." The warm water washed over my hands and I cleaned off the shards of the shattered cup. I felt numb again, like before.

Another relapse. Twice in one day. They were happening more often.

The dark haired woman returned as I shut off the tap and was drying my hands with the towel from downstairs. She held a pair of black jeans and white tee shirt in one hand and another towel in the other. "We have a shower here, you can use it and change into these when you are done, okay?" I joined her at the door, ignoring her concern as she guided me down the hall.

Hot water.

I hung my head as the water cascaded over me. It was my first shower on the surface… the knowledge of the momentous occasion did nothing to detract my frustrations however. I punched the wall, fracturing a tile. My long braid clung to my back the water turning it black and heavy like the belts and cables I was intimately familiar with. I ground my teeth together and smacked my head against the wall. I lost track of how long I stood in the water but I finally began to wash myself when the temperature dropped.

"Hiro, the manager just got back and is waiting for you down the hall. I'm going back downstairs." Irimi called through the door. I could sense her reluctance and uncertainty. Did she pity me?

Monsters do not deserve pity.

At some point she had taken my old clothes away to probably wash them. The new clothes did in fact fit but were a tad large. Why did they still have them? How long ago had he left? I found no answers anywhere other than the faint lingering scent of someone I did not recognize infused into the fabric. I walked barefoot down the hall, savouring the sensation of carpet and not concrete, rusted metal or gravel.

When I entered the room Yoshimura stood facing the window with his back to me. The scene was like something out of a dramatic movie with the sunlight streaming through the blinds and casting lines on the floor and sofas. The room felt familiar. It might have been the one where the important meetings took place. A trio of special tea cups, two yellow and one blue, rested on a shelf behind a panel of glass. They were simple and innocuous. But to me, I recognized what they symbolized and who exactly the third cup was for.

The man himself was an impressive sight. Broad shouldered and tall, he stood straight with his hands clasped behind his back as he surveyed the street through his seemingly closed eyes. He turned when I reached the nearest of two sofas and the coffee table in between and regarded me with a calm and collected temperament. His voice was deep and resonant, a sound you expect to hear from an elder or monk. "I see now what Touka-chan meant."

I gripped the back of the sofa, my fingers digging deep into the fabric. So that was what Irimi meant by errand. The closed eyed man read my reaction and nodded solemnly.

"It is nice to meet you...Hiro-kun… You can call me Yoshimura. I own this building and the cafe. Irimi explained your behaviour when I returned and I am relieved the situation did not get out of hand." Yoshimura pointed to the sofa as he sat down opposite me. "Anteiku is a special place. I wished to create an environment where humans and ghouls could coexist, at least for a time, and to prove to the younger ones that there is more to life than murder and vengeance."

The sofa was too soft. It felt wrong. "Anteiku provides shelter for those who need it and governs the 20th ward. So," The old man fixed me with a pointed stare from behind his closed eyelids. "What brings a new ghoul to my shop, hmm?"

Suddenly I felt very small before this man. His voice was polite and respectful however I instinctively knew I should do whatever possible not to rouse the sleeping dragon. I broke away under his gaze and looked aside, finding the trio of teacups once more.

"Is Yoriko-san alright?"

He hummed. "I believe so. The nurse said she would be fine with some rest and I appreciate your concern. That is not what is most important, however. You and Touka-chan fought, albeit briefly, in public and drew unwanted attention to yourselves. By now this has undoubtedly spawned rumors at her school and her life there will become much more difficult. Additionally any suspicious behaviour in public draws the eyes of the CCG and that is something that must be kept to a minimum. Am I understood?" The old man neatly folded his hands in his lap. Every motion he made looked elegant and regal despite the directness of his statement.

"She said she would kill me if I saw her again."

"That sounds just like her. I have no doubt she retaliated due to your attack on her friend. Touka-chan does not have many friends and Yoriko-san is very precious to her." Yoshimura smiled thoughtfully. "While she may be harsh, she cares deeply for those close to her."

I massaged my jaw absentmindedly. "That was obvious."

"Indeed. She told me you attacked her unprovoked however I do not think you are the type of person to do such a thing. If there is one thing I have learned in my lifetime is that there are always two sides to every tale." He explained. "What brought you here today? I would have thought such an encounter would discourage you from coming here."

I recalled the events leading up to my current predicament and nibbled the inside of cheek. He was right. Maybe I should not have come after all? No, that would not work. I needed to have this conversation or else nothing would change. "Where do you want me to start?"

The man cocked a single eyebrow at my unusual response. "Perhaps at the beginning?"

My now somewhat unravelled braid found its way into my lap where it coiled around my fingers like a snake. The strands, still damp from my shower and somewhat matted, clung tightly to one another. Where to begin indeed. Death? Rebirth? An infancy I can only sometimes recall before pain and darkness infected me? I gripped the elastic securing the end and looked the man in the eye. It was not the beginning, but it was sure as hell close to one.

"What do you know of a man named Sparrow?"

Yoshimura leaned against the back of the sofa, his posture relaxing and he stroked his chin thoughtfully. "Not very much of the man himself, I am afraid. Though I have heard of him. One has to keep himself informed of the goings on in this city though that man's, ahem, _activities,_ are something I find abhorrent. But how would one as young as you know about…Ahh..." His hand lowered and a change washed over his demeanor. The kind grandfatherly gentleman twisted into something chilly and unfamiliar. "...I believe I understand the situation now."

His fingers interconnected in a bony knuckled weave. "When, and how, did you escape his clutches? The man and his employer do not easily let go of those they induct."

His employer? I thought Sparrow was his own boss...did he report to another? Were there more places like his nest?

"I've been on the surface for four months. There was a CCG raid and we were able to escape."

"May I ask how long you were underground?"

"I don't know."

"What do you mean?"

"I don't know exactly but this," I lifted my coiled braid, "is how long I was there." From my outstretched hand in front of me, my hair tumbled downwards until the tip brushed the carpet at my feet.

For a long time we sat in silence as Yoshimura no doubt came to some understanding about my display. "Hiro-kun...I am truly sorry…"

"I don't want your pity." I snapped at him.

He looked taken aback. "Whatever you endured, I won't ask for you to share. Obvious it haunts you yet in spite of that you remain remarkably calm discussing it."

I let my hair drop and sank into the seat. "The only thing I'm not calm about is readjusting."

"To what?"

He was prodding, trying to get me to open up and explain. He would make a good therapist if he wasn't one already. The old man felt like a distant relative. I did not know him but I was strangely comfortable in his presence. Maybe it was just because I had yet to freak and attack him…

"This place!" I gestured wildly in frustration. "I murdered people for years! Since I was a child!" Ignoring the fact that I was still a child I lifted the hem of the borrowed shirt to expose my stomach. The skin was pale, incredibly so, and not an ounce of fat to be seen. The abdominal muscles were well defined just like the rest of my body but that wasn't what I wanted to show him. I wanted him to see the scars.

Ghouls have nie impregnable skin that will not break under knives and gunfire. I knew that first hand. What could injure ghouls were other ghouls kagune or quinques belonging to the CCG. I do not know where they came from, but Sparrow's instructional instruments of the fallibility of my own flesh were of that make. Ghouls also heal incredibly quickly, leaving little time for scar tissue to form. Usually. What could cause such a thing? Malnutrition. Starvation. A body cannot heal if it is not fed. Blurred images of blood and limbs flashed through my mind, no doubt remnants of my bouts of flesh-deprived insanity.

Yoshimura stared aghast at my body, or the mangled mess it had became. My limbs were thin and scrawny but muscular. White lines crisscrossed the flesh of my chest and arms, some more defined than others. "Hiro-kun, please. Put your shirt back on. I understand."

"Do you? Do you understand that I can never be normal? I can never not be a monster!" I laughed. "I actually miss the fights! I miss killing people! I try to fight myself by why should I?" I shook with mirth. It made perfect sense! "I'm a monster! That's why I want to kill everyone I meet! That's why Touka hates me! That's why Irimi pities me like I'm some pathetic freak! That's why nothing in my entire life goes the way I want it to!" I collapsed into the sofa following my screaming tyrade. My chest heaved and my breath came out in ragged gasps. I had never spoken that much before. Whatever anger and rage had fled...numbness began to settle inside. "I can't even have a conversation without freaking out!" I coughed weakly.

Yoshimura watched and listened carefully throughout my rant. It was as if he was recording the entire event and reviewing it before carefully considering his answer. I savoured the quiet. Damn. He got me to open up without even trying… I squashed the the thoughts that he reminded me of the old me's grandfather.

"For calling you a child earlier, I apologize. There are not many who could have endured what I presume you have and remain as aware of themselves afterwards." He smiled and seemed to relax a tiny bit. "You have seemingly on your own tried to reintegrate into the world. That is surprising and a very good sign for you. Additionally, you were concerned with the wellbeing of Yoriko-chan whom you injured. I do not believe a monster as you believe yourself to be would express such. You seek redemption do you not?"

"No I…" I sank into the sofa, unsure of myself and unable to answer. He was right. I was a monster but something deep within me rejected it. I only noticed it since reaching the surface.

He didn't ask me anything else about my past and instead turned the conversation towards himself and Anteiku. It was a welcome distraction as he described how the cafe managed the feeding grounds over the 20th ward. He seemed troubled over a newcomer to the ward, some troublemaker from the eleventh ward or so he claimed. Whoever they were, they liked to cause chaos and had a _very_ large appetite. In return I told him about the small group I lived with. He was especially interested in Tama, even going so far to offer us a place to stay if we needed it. I thanked him for the offer. He was genuinely interested in how we all got along. It had not occurred to me what exactly I had wanted to get out of this introduction for my friends… if I could call them that.

Irimi knocked on the door some time later with a tray and coffee for the both of us. It was just as good as Koma's. She apologized for upsetting me earlier and I thanked her for the clothes. She brought my old clothes with her in a plastic bag and said I could keep the new new ones. I looked through the bag and was relieved to find the small black pouch with them. I did not know if she looked inside but either way I was glad she did not ask what it was.

"Yoshimura-san" I began but hesitated and collapsed into myself. It was another minute of tense silence before my mouth cracked open. I tried not to think about the consequences of what I was about to say. They were overwhelming in the extreme.

"...what...happened…"

It was Irimi who responded first. "What do you mean Hiro-kun?"

I forced myself not to look away from Yoshimura. His face was neutral and impassive. I read nothing from him.

I dredged up whatever meagre courage I could find within myself and regurgitated the question that had plagued me for years. The question I had never managed to bury or forget, even if for a time I could not recall who it was about.

I cleared my throat and, in a very soft whisper, asked:

"What happened to my family?"


	6. Revelation

"Was it a good idea? Letting him go like that?"

Above the street on the second floor of Anteiku, Irimi and Yoshimura watched the boy glance both ways before crossing the street. He walked with a weak posture, his shoulders bent forwards and holding himself close together. The stance of one intending to appear small, or unassuming.

"What would you have done?"

The dark haired woman turned away from the window with a sigh. "It may have been too much all at once." She leaned against the sill. "I would have encouraged him to stay and reconnect with his family. At least it would give Ryouko-san some piece of mind."

The older man remained quiet as the boy below made his way further down the street. He turned a corner and disappeared.

"Did you not hear him? He wished to keep his return a secret until he was ready to see them."

Frustration seeped into her voice. "But why? Shouldn't he want to see his family again?"

Yoshimura turned from the window to face his companion. "I will presume what it is that Hiro wishes. The boy is… damaged… and I do not mean that in the normal ways of those who suffer what he has endured." It was a testament to the man's fortitude that his posture and stance remained tall and firm as they always did. His voice however, was laden with sorrow.

"He was only three years old." he spoke softly. Irimi's fingers tightened around her elbows, her arms crossed beneath her breasts. "I am amazed he even remembered his family from before that time." Yoshimura explained. "Does that not make you wonder? Would you remember a life prior to the one he just survived? How has he not forgotten? Children do not remember those early years, yet he somehow has."

"But why won't he act on that? I don't understand."

The elder ghoul's shoulders sagged momentarily, betraying his own weariness.

"I am afraid that neither does he."

* * *

 _ **Earlier...**_

 _"What happened to my family?"_

 _The room's other occupants were silent as my words drifted upon the stale air of the lounge. Irimi's brow furled in a slight frown and it was clear that she did not know to whom I had referred. However my gaze was fixed upon the man seated opposite me, the ghoul elder Yoshimura. He had not moved a muscle in the tense minute since I spoke. Had he heard me? Undoubtedly. Eventually, it was the old man who made the first move. Very slowly and with patience and severity, he opened his eyes._

 _In the entire time we had been visiting he had kept them sealed. Why, I did not know. A nervous scratch tickled my throat and I swallowed. His kakugan was active and focused intently upon me._

 _"Your family?" He asked slowly, inspecting me once again as if re-evaluating his opinion of me. "Ahh… I see… Please excuse us Irimi-chan. Why don't you check with Koma-kun downstairs in case he needs any help with the customers."_

 _Rather than appearing offended, Irimi nodded in understanding before gathering her things and making for the door. She bowed before departing though she cast a concerned glance back inside as the door closed softly. I listened to her as she began to move down the hall after several seconds. Her heels clicked on the wooden stairs as she returned to work._

 _I took a sip of the coffee Irimi had made for us earlier. It was delicious and just as heartwarming as Koma's had been. Glancing over the top of my cup Yoshimura remained focused on me and had leaned forward somewhat._

 _"Well then, Hiro-kun, I certainly have an idea of who you could be, what with Touka-chan's rather, shall we say, emotional retelling of your encounter." The man's eyes narrowed in concentration. Our eyes met and held the other's gaze and I felt like he was reexamining me in a new light. Suddenly he relaxed and the intensity faded from his gaze._

 _"Shall I tell you a story?"_

 _I cradled the warm cup in my hands and settled it on my lap then nodded my assent, wondering where he was going with this._

 _Taking a slow sip of his own coffee the old man cleared his throat gently before he began. "Many years ago there was a young couple I knew. The man was a doctor, or as much of one a ghoul could be given the circumstances. Since ghouls are unable to visit hospitals for a multitude of obvious reasons that I am certain you are aware of, this man became rather well known in the community."_

 _A shadow passed over Yoshimura's face. "The man opened his clinic to humans and ghouls though he was repeatedly attacked by ghouls who disliked him for his practices. Out of fear for himself and his wife, he sought protection from the local ghoul organization of that ward. Unfortunately, the 13th ward was and remains to this day a terribly dangerous place. Such as it was in order to prove himself valuable enough to protect, the man indentured himself to them and fell under their employ." Yoshimura took another sip then returned his cup to the tray._

 _"He seldom spoke to me about his time there but it was evident he was not comfortable with the things he was coerced into doing. It was only a little while later that his wife became pregnant."_

 _The cup in my hands suddenly felt much warmer and my fingers tightened around it._

 _"That was when I first met them personally. The pair arrived here with what few belongings they had with them and asked for help settling here. I obliged, for I had no reason to refuse and I welcomed the addition of a doctor to our community. As you can imagine, his old employers from the 13th ward were somewhat displeased with his departure. They sent several men to convince him to return but he refused." He sighed sadly. "Given how that confrontation was resolved, I am not surprised he went back to work for them after what happened."_

 _"What do you mean?" The words left my mouth without thinking even though deep down I knew exactly what he was talking about. Yoshimura crossed his legs and clasped his hands in his lap, leaning back slightly as he did so._

 _"His wife gave birth to a healthy pair of twins a few months after they found a home for themselves. They drifted out of contact for a while as they stayed close to home to raise their children." A wistful smile formed upon his thin lips. "I remember them telling me about one of their children who suffered from night terrors. He would scream throughout the night but would fall silent when held, almost as if haunted by some terrifying dream. I visited them once when the children were almost two years old." His smile grew as if the memory was pleasing to him. "The boy was engrossed with his paper and colouring when I first saw him and I still remember the intense concentration on his face as he drew. The girl was eager to meet me although she clung tightly to her mother the entire time I was there."_

 _My eyes had fallen away and were fixed firmly downwards upon the trembling surface of the coffee in my cup. His story instilled a distant longing in my heart. More than anything, I was stunned. I never remembered Yoshimura visiting us before. Maybe I had and just had not recognized him. Or something…_

 _He took my silence in stride and continued after another sip of his drink. "They were a wonderful family… truly a heartwarming sight to see… another year passed by them in the blink of an eye before tragedy struck. From what they told me, they had gone out to visit a park as a family and were on their way home when their son disappeared."_

 _The paths branched apart. I remembered the scent, the blood… the witch. Her scent wafted through my mind: a combination of oils and iron with a certain feminine musk. If I passed her on the street I would no doubt notice and find her. What was her name again?_

 _"To this day they do not know what happened to the poor boy." Yoshimura shook his head sadly, oblivious to my internal turmoil. "However the family was never the same…"_

 _I perked up. What did he mean?_

 _I asked as much._

 _His smile bled out in an instant._

 _"The loss of a child is a terrible blow to any parent. Especially to such wonderful people as them. The first months were filled with panic and fear as they desperately searched for their son. Without any sign or sightings of him they gave up hope on ever seeing him again. I believe the mother suffered the worst of it. The poor woman…"_

 _Yoshimura's aura of sadness and sympathy was palpable. A different kind of numbness wormed its way through me and stabbed at my chest. He knew what my parents endured, to some extent._

 _The small ache inside twitched and spasmed as it grew unabated. My throat was rough and uncooperative when I tried to speak. I choked on the words._

 _"w-what...happened to her?"_

 _"At the time she clung to his colouring books because they were the only thing they had of the boy. She loved her daughter dearly and I believe the girl was the one thing that kept her from taking her own life." He hung his head. His voice was full of pain and sympathy._

 _"Did she...you know..?"_

 _Yoshimura shook his head and my shoulders sagged in relief._

 _"No, she and her daughter are alive and well. It was the girl's 11th birthday last week and they spent the day here."_

 _Eight years…._

 _She was 11 now. "Hinami…" I whispered her name. Yoshimura looked at me curiously as if seeking affirmation. Hinami was alive. Kaa-san was alive. The momentary relaxation leapt aside as if electrically shocked and tension returned in its place._

 _"Wait…" I realized something in his statement. "What about the father?" He didn't mention Tou-san..._

 _"Alas, he has been gone for quite some time now."_

 _"You don't mean dead right?"_

 _"I do not believe so, but it has been a long time since I last saw him. Over half a year now."_

 _"I see…"_

 _We sat in silence, each lost in different memories of a time much happier. It was about a minute later that the old man spoke again, and when he did, I was not prepared._

 _"So," he fixed me with his intense gaze. "Putting all that aside, it is a pleasure to meet you once more. Fueguchi Hiro."_

 _My mouth fused shut. This whole time he knew. To him it would have been obvious. I suspected he knew but what was the point to all this? My mouth suddenly became very dry and my throat parched._

 _Yoshimura calmly sipped his coffee, smiling gently in satisfaction at both the drink and the effect his words had upon me._

 _"What do you plan to do now? Will you see them?" He asked._

 _In my stunned silence at his revelation, I found myself unable to answer._

* * *

 _ **Present...**_

My toes curled into the soft sand and pea gravel of the playground where I sat watching the other few children playing nearby. After leaving Anteiku I needed some time to myself. Yoshimura's tale of my family in my absence left me feeling hollow and numb; more than normal at least. I had been in the park for at least an hour by my guess and no one came up to speak to me in that time. Surprising, since a moody, glum looking eleven year old alone in a park would be concerning. Maybe people don't care about others as much as I thought at one point in my life.

Irimi offered me some shoes but I turned them down saying I was more comfortable without them. That earned me a few raised eyebrows but Yoshimura, whom I had given an overview of my time in the nest, nodded in understanding. I ended up accepting a pair of sandals at her insistence though. The dark haired woman seemed incredibly reluctant to see me go. The city was bustling with daily life. Cars and pedestrians streamed everywhere with no care of anything but their destinations, for that I was thankful.

Before I left, the manager handed me a small package wrapped in brown paper and told me to share it with my friends. He smiled in that grandfatherly way of his and bid me farewell and expressed, again, that Anteiku was always open for me to return.

I wrapped the package in my old clothes and stuffed it to the bottom of my bag that Irimi had given me. Not that I was expecting to be searched on my way across the ward but getting caught with my dinner would be very bad for me. Thankfully the CCG had a low presence in the 20th ward and street inspections were uncommon, or so I had come to understand. It's not like I knew anything else about the other wards.

Part way through my walk I pulled on my purple jacket. It wasn't exactly cold, especially with the sun shining overhead providing warmth, but I did not want anyone to see my scars. That would raise questions I was not about to share with anyone on the street.

Yoshimura's words hung in my head. _"What do you plan to do now? Will you see them?"_

I wanted them to know I was alive. But did I want to see them? Of course! How could I not? I wanted to embrace my twin and hug my mother and father. I wanted to be together and happy again.

But.

It felt like a distant dream. Some childish irrational fantasy. Everything Yoshimura told me clung to me like black tar seeping over my skin. My family was broken. It was no longer the family that I remembered. That family died the day I parted ways. But should it become whole again were I to return to them? That was something I did not know.

"Yo."

Lost in my thoughts I didn't notice someone approaching until they sat down on the bench beside me. My hand snapped up and caught their outstretched wrist before I realized what was happening. I stared wide-eyed at the person next to me, completely caught off guard. They laughed sheepishly and scratched the back of their head with their free hand.

His light brown hair stuck out in all directions like a bird had tried to make a nest atop his head...while he was sleeping. A pair of warm brown eyes gleamed with curiosity and a vibrancy I had not seen in anyone for what felt like a long time. Like me, before I changed, he wore shorts but with a yellow jacket. Around his neck rested a pair of shiny new headphones with a red threaded cord tucked down the inside of his shirt. I could still hear the song playing, for some reason he chose not to pause the music when he approached. He was grinning widely in spite of my grip on his arm.

"Hey, I'm sorry to startle you. Would you mind letting go of me now?"

My fingers unfurled and released his wrist which he then massaged with his free hand. "Damn, you have one hell of a grip there!" He laughed again then scratched the back of his head again in some mild embarrassment. How was he so happy?

My suspicious glare was clear enough that he retreated somewhat though his enthusiasm continued unabated. "Woah there, I'm sorry. No need to get angry."

I clutched my bag on my lap, making sure the package within was hidden and secured before flashing a glare in his direction. "What are you doing."

The older boy cocked an eyebrow at me. "What do you mean?"

His knee was almost touching mine. I shifted away from him about a foot. His presence and enthusiasm were becoming unnerving. Did he not understand I didn't want him here?

"Why did you grab me?"

"Hmm? Oh that," he grinned, chuckling at the fact that it was _I_ that grabbed _him._ "-you looked lonely so I wanted to check if you were alright."

"I'm not lonely." I snapped back at him.

"You're here by yourself aren't you?"

"So?"

I eyed him warily. How long was he watching me? As if reading my mind he chuckled then spoke again. "I walked past the park about 45 minutes ago and saw you here. Then on my way back you were in the same spot so I thought I'd come over and say hello. Were you waiting for anyone?" I dodged his second attempt at patting my shoulder, much to his amusement.

Taking my bag with me, I stepped away from the bench while the older teen chuckled to himself. "My bad, my bad, I didn't mean to upset you or anything. It's just, well, you kind of reminded me of my best friend with the way you were sitting here."

I turned to face him, taking in his carefree expression as he reminisced with a small smile. He looked both content and concerned at the same time. I raised one eyebrow which caused him to grin at me.

"Are you alright without your parents?" He asked carefully.

My gut twisted and my throat suddenly felt dry once more. All I could do was nod and keep my the grimace off my face.

Without waiting for or giving a response, I started across the park and away from the growing crowds as more people entered the park. The older boy waved and called out a goodbye but I kept going without turning back.

* * *

It was past dusk by the time I managed to backtrack through the city and when I reached the internet cafe and the night's chill settled around me. Numerous shops either opened or closed as their staff cycled for the evening shifts and what they hoped to be another uneventful night. Everyone knew the nights in Tokyo were far from safe as that was the time most Ghouls went out to hunt.

The owner was manning the till as I stopped outside the window and watched the interior. A number of older teens were grouped around a half dozen computers either gaming or showing something to one another. Unconsciously my fingertips ghosted the condensation forming on the glass and I tried to see what they were doing. Several of them laughed suddenly and they sported wide smiles and eyes glittering with mirth. The boy seated at the PC hung his head in shame and I managed to catch a glimpse of his screen where in large blood red letters the words "YOU DIED" appeared over a black screen. I felt … cold as I watched them. The player recovered quickly with a small smile splayed across his face and he respawned at a bonfire.

My fingertips squeaked softly on the glass as I lowered my hand and turned away from a painstakingly familiar normalcy. With a deep breath, I flipped up the collar of my jacket and tucked my chin behind the zipper to keep warm. I set off down the sidewalk again sticking close to the road's edge to keep out of the light from the shops I passed by. After about four blocks I twitched and caught a faint scream on the air.

I stopped and listened as the sound drew slightly closer and it became clearer. It wasn't a scream. At least it was not a scream that I recognized but over the following seconds I managed to place the sound. It was a siren. Whether it was police or an ambulance I did not know as they were certainly something I had learned to avoid like the plague.

The wailing screech grew louder and louder and the people in transience upon the sidewalk began to take notice. Sure, sirens were not uncommon here but it stuck me as odd that so many people were clearing the sidewalk. It sounded like the vehicle was on the same street as me and was approaching fast. The truck screamed past like a banshee a moment later, parting the cold air as it went and buffeting me with its wake. I caught a glimpse of the white armoured truck as it passed and instantly knew it was not a police car.

I stared at the retreating rear doors where its serial number and more importantly branch ID resided. The lettering was black against the white metal and the abbreviation was short and succinct. A chill seeped through me that had nothing to do with the night air. The three large letters spelled out a message of death and despair and not a moment later the truck turned the corner and left my sight.

C.C.G.

My feet stuck to the concrete for a long moment before I broke out into a dead sprint after the truck, easily pursuing its wailing siren. To my knowledge there was nothing in that direction that could warrant such a vehicle. Except for one thing. Our home. I rounded the corner as quickly as I could and the tenement building came into view, and to my growing despair, a half dozen police cars and the large white truck were stopped just beyond the barrier of parked cars.

I skidded to a halt and crouched behind a parked van before peaking around the cover just as the back doors of the CCG truck split open and someone stepped out. Six armed police stormed from the truck and split three on either side and trotted towards the police barricade. Each carried an automatic rifle of some kind and their faces were hidden beneath helmets, tactical goggles and dark balaclavas. One of the men began ordering the police officers standing nearby and even from my distance I could see the surprised and shocked expressions. Clearly they had not been expecting this sort of support.

That begged the question though. Why was there a tactical assault unit here? What were they preparing to deal with? I frowned and carefully moved to the other side of the van for a better view. It was like they were preparing a raid.

I nearly slapped myself when the realization sank in.

They were here for us of course … for me.

Thankfully the streets had cleared of civilians as they fled the area as soon as they saw the CCG truck arrive. No one wanted to be near them because the CCG only meant one thing.

Ghouls.

I darted across the street, moving near silently with my bare feet, and carefully began moving closer to the barricade one car at a time. I managed to get within three cars from the truck when another person stepped from the shadowy interior and into the orange tinted street lamps. With a silent curse, I ducked behind the wheel well of a Mazda and peered over the dark grey hood. From the heavy metallic footfalls, whoever it was, they were large and very heavy.

"Listen up," the man said in a gravelly baritone as he rounded the truck. "The report claimed there were two other Ghouls in this location and though they may be young, they may still be dangerous." A short chorus of "Hai!" resounded from the assembled team and they snapped off a quick salute. I ducked behind the car once more and out of sight.

From my short glance, the large man wore a white trench coat and carried a silver case in his right hand. Other than that, he looked unarmed. I should have been afraid of the rifle toting soldiers but it was this one man that gave me a twisting clench of fear. A Ghoul Investigator … With no way of knowing his rank I had no idea how strong he was and while I had plenty of experience fighting adults, I had yet to fight one armed with a Quinque capable of killing me.

Their footsteps began moving away from me and in the direction of the rundown complex before them. The normal police stood back beside their vehicles as the 'professionals' moved past. I skirted closer on the outside edge of the cars, freezing when my plastic bag snagged on a hubcap. I stilled, terrified of alerting them to my presence and drawing their attention. My thundering heartbeat drummed inside my ears and I held my breath, praying they did not hear the sudden noise..

It may have just been louder in my head but the police didn't seem to notice. I waited another minute before moving again, straining my sensitive hearing and keeping track of their movements. Very carefully I disentangled my bag but could not free it without tearing a hole in the bottom. I nearly swore as my old clothes unfolded and released the brown package from Anteiku that landed on the pavement with a meaty clap.

I snatched the parcel and stuffed it into my pocket but shoved the small bundle of clothes in the wheel well of the car before peeking out again. They had not noticed, it seemed. A small smirk blossomed at the adult's incompetence but that was quickly wiped away when one of them looked over in my direction. I ducked down once more but I could have sworn he looked right at me.

I slid to the back of the car and dove across the sidewalk into an open alleyway. It was dark and more importantly, broke line of sight with the police. I quickly scaled the wall of a building and clung to the window ledge on the third floor. From there I shimmied along the ledge and climbed higher up the wall. Once I reached the rooftop I pulled myself up and crouched beside a large air vent. Then, I crawled to the edge of the roof and finally got a clear view of the Investigator and his team reaching the main entrance of our home.

I glanced up to the top floor where our rooms were located, thankfully there were no lights to show any presence so I had no idea if anyone had seen the approaching vehicles. I frowned as the operatives knocked down the front door and entered. If there was anyone inside they should have heard the sirens coming long before they arrived and unloaded.

That begged the question though. What had happened during the day while I was gone? Had Kaneda and Tetsuo made it back safely? Perhaps more importantly and much more urgent was the fact that a CCG Strike team had located and breached out home. That was not something that had ever happened to us before.

With nothing else to do, I waited.

What felt like an hour passed before the strike team finally exited the building and even from a distance, their aura of frustration was very palpable. They were thankfully empty handed and I let out a quiet sigh of relief. That was until the investigator stepped into the light and I nearly slipped off the ledge in shock. What I first noticed was he was not carrying his quinque and in fact the operative behind him was holding it in his place. In the taller man's arms was a body.

And from the dark hair and clothing, it was someone I knew.

 _Setsuna…_

One of the operatives -for lack of a better word - helped the Investigator place her down on a stretcher and they wheeled her over to the barricade. I couldn't quite see her condition but judging from the large red stain over her stomach, it clearly was not good. Another operative returned from their truck with a trauma kit and began working to stabilize her. She was alive, thank god. First aid was never something I learned properly, especially with my rapid healing, and even then my knowledge really only extended to taking people apart rather than putting them back together.

With conflicting emotions raging within my mind, I held back from jumping down as the men carefully loaded Setsuna into the truck while the paramedic of their team stayed glued to her side. Once her stretcher had been secured, the Investigator addressed the local ward police. "Cordon off the building immediately. No one is to interfere with this investigation." He turned to one of his operatives. "Call an ambulance for the girl. Tell them I requested it." The operative nodded and went into the front of their truck to use the radio.

There was a collective sigh from the men before they quickly got to work establishing a spiderweb of police tape over the entrances to the building. The operative tending to Setsuna climbed out of the truck and stood before the Investigator after about five minutes. "Sir, I've stabilized the girl and sedated her until we get her to a hospital."

"Good work. Inform me when they arrive, I'm going back inside." His gravelly tone brokered no argument and the other man nodded firmly. "The danger has passed for now, I'm going to learn what I can about what happened here. Give them a report and tell them I want an interview with the girl when she wakes."

I settled down on the roof edge and kept an eye on the police as they filtered around the building and the commander returned to the building. Whoever he was, he had a firm hold on his men and they worked much more efficiently and diligently than the regular police officers. The comparison was actually painful to observe. While the police seemed terrified out of their wits, the operatives moved with precision like an actual military unit that knew what they were doing.

The tall Investigator collected his quinque case and another bag of some kind then returned to the building. He disappeared inside once more and the remaining men settled into their tasks with quiet professionalism. From my position on the rooftop, I could just see into the back of their truck and I tuned out the extraneous sounds of human activity to listen to Setsuna.

Her breath was very faint, nearly impossible to detect over the beeping and gentle hum of the instruments surrounding her but I was thankful she was being cared for. I heaved another quiet sigh of relief. This was not at all how I wanted things to happen but if she would be treated by the CCG there was a good chance she would be well taken care of. As far as I knew the CCG had a large department dedicated to the victims of Ghoul attacks. I shivered and pulled my jacket tighter. It was cold up on the roof with no shelter from the wind and I was not going anywhere until I was sure Setsuna was safe… er. Safer.

Setsuna was a good girl. I liked her. Really I did, but it was only a matter of time until something happened where she would be forced to pick a side. She seemed fine with us being Ghouls, just as long as we didn't go after her. Which was fair, I suppose. I had changed a lot since leaving the nest and I was finally thinking more about the future. I don't think I could function like a "normal" person any more even by what Ghouls considered normal. Even then, there was no childishness left in me, just wistful nostalgia and occasional reminiscing.

Setsuna though, she could have a future. More importantly, she was actually human and more than capable of rehabilitating. If messed up people and psychopaths could work for the CCG then there was actually hope for her because she was far from any of that. Maybe she wasn't though. Maybe she hid her problems because she did not want to worry us, or me. I shook my head gently to reassure myself as best I could. This was best for Setsuna. She would get off the streets and be able to live a normal life.

That was enough for me.

My eyes widened at a sudden cry of surprise and unmistakable fear that came from inside the building and my head whipped around so fast I nearly smacked myself with my braid. It took less than a second to place the voice but in that little time I was already airborne.

 _Damn it!_

I grit my teeth and ran towards our home over the rooftop and leapt as high as I could. I rocketed through the air and my twin rinkaku exploded from my back and trailed behind me. The familiar white bladed appendages stabbed into the ground to catch me before kicking off once more using my kagune to hurl my small body upward.

There was only one person I knew who that voice could belong to and there was no way in hell I was leaving her alone. Any relief I felt at watching Setsuna being treated was shredded at the thought of these men getting their hands on Tama. There was no way in hell I would leave her to whatever fate the investigators had in store for her.

I reached the building quickly, using my rinkaku to leap like a frog until I tucked into a ball and flew into an open third floor window. I skidded across the floor with my rinkaku stabbing into the wall before me to catch my momentum before I slid through the open door and into the hall.

"NO!"

Tama screamed from further down the hall and I shot off towards her. In the back of my mind I knew my kagune would not hold out for very long and I would need to move fast. Not eating for several days left me feeling weaker than I would like. I dove into the room at the end of the hall and whipped one of my rinkaku towards the room's other occupant, not caring who or what it was. My kagune hit something but my gaze quickly locked upon the young girl cowering in the far corner. Tama gasped when I came to a sliding stop between her and the other person and it was then that I finally took stock of the situation I intruded upon.

My rinkaku had been blocked. Not only that, the bladed appendage had gotten stuck. Still panting from my sprint that could have broken an Olympic record, I gaped in shock at the large man presently holding my writhing rinkaku with his bare hand.

Let me say now that this was not something I had ever seen before. My eyes flicked to his own and the same familiar red ember like glow of his eyes looked down at me from beneath the shadow of his dark green trench coat. "That was rude, you know." He said softly thrnhe gave my kagune a small tug that threatened to pull me off balance. I stabbed my other rinkaku towards him to try to free it but he neatly sidestepped and cracked the one in his hand like a whip. The motion rocked through the tentacle and I could only stare in shock at the approaching wave that flicked me into the air and sent me crashing into the ceiling.

Somehow by reflex, I released my kagune and they dissolved into dark mist as I fell to the floor. Dust and plaster caked my front and I tasted the familiar coppery tinge of my own blood. I noted for some reason that the Ghoul had not taken any other action against me and seemed content enough to let me recover. Why though, was utterly beyond me.

I coughed and groaned when I tried to sit up. Nothing was broken but getting thrown into a wall -or ceiling in this case- was never a pleasant experience. Certainly not one for relaxation or peace of mind. The adult Ghoul patiently waited for me to stand and I immediately placed myself between himself and the girl behind me. I still didn't know what this man was doing here but I adamantly refused any more harm to come to Tama.

Questions sprang to the forefront of my mind and as I opened my mouth to speak, he placed a single finger against his lips and shushed me. Then I heard it. We weren't alone in the building. The investigator was far from silent as he ascended the rickety staircase and reached our floor.

The Ghoul crouched softly and brought himself down to my eye level then raised his hands in a placating gesture. "You know this girl, yes?" He whispered but in the tense silence I heard him fine. I quickly nodded. He seemed satisfied with that answer. "Good. I need you to get her out of here before the dove sees you. I can stall him for you but both of you need to be gone as quick as you can. Do you understand me?"

I nodded again, my voice somewhere in the bowels of my throat and seemingly unresponsive. I watched as the man withdrew a strange mask from his coat pocket and secured it to his face. When he dropped his hand and stood tall I was struck by how large this man was. The memory of him catching my rinkaku without any damage whatsoever instilled a deep unease within me. He was undoubtedly strong. Were I more prideful I might have been offended and attacked him out of spite but something in him gave me pause. The fact that the top of my head barely reached his elbow certainly played a part in that.

His mask looked like a huge beak but there were strange goggles covering his eyes that vaguely reminded me of a plague doctor. The man stuffed his hands into the pockets of his coat then calmly strode out the room and stopped in the hall out of my sight. I heard the dove stop and with a hiss and a metallic thud, I knew his quinque was released. Doing my best to ignore the happenings outside, I knelt beside Tama and she practically launched herself into my chest.

"Gomen, Tama-chan. Are you alright?" Her shoulders shook when I tenderly hugged her _-probably the only person I was capable of touching without the instinct to tear her arm off-_ She was utterly terrified and that in and of itself was horrifying for me. She showed so little emotion that this much of a response demonstrated just how upset she was. If I was going to get any answers to her they were going to have to wait.

"We need to go now. It isn't safe." In response the young girl burrowed deeper into my arms, clutching at my shirt and shaking her head.

"..an?" She mumbled into my chest as she inhaled between her quiet sobs.

"Hmm?" I grasped her shoulders and created a bit of space between us and took in her quivering tear-stained visage. It hurt to see her like this. Her tear-stained cheeks were smeared with dirt and her bottom lip looked swollen. Her soft brown eyes fixed on mine and I could feel her fear and hurt in them.

I berated myself for the tenth time since getting back.

She sniffled loudly and rubbed her eyes with the back of her hand. "W-where is Setsuna-neesan?"

I pulled her back into a hug, this time letting her head rest against my shoulder. "Setsuna-neesan is safe. She was hurt but people are taking care of her now." Tama shivered again and nodded and I gently rubbed small circles in between her shoulder blades. I could feel her begin to relax in my arms. She had evidently been worried for the older girl.

Our embrace broke quite suddenly with the beginnings of brutal sounding combat breaking out in the hall beyond. With that I knew it was past time for us to leave, and it would be best to do so as quickly and as quietly as possible. It wasn't that I didn't trust the trench-coated Ghoul, _because I didn't_ , but he was purposefully buying us time and I was not about to waste the opportunity.

"Come on Tama-chan, we need to leave while we still can." She nodded in understanding. I smiled at her, thankful she knew the situation well enough and she trusted me in times like this.

She let me pick her up and carry her and I moved over to the window and peered out. A handful of the operatives were approaching once more with their weapons readied but once they entered the building I would be in the clear. I waited for several more seconds before crouching and jumping out the window once Tama secured her arms around my neck and held on tightly.

The cool air buffeted my face as we fell and the familiar sensation of my stomach flipping upside down on itself made itself known to me once more. I still had trouble with heights… and falling in particular... This time, with Tama in my arms, I forced down the feeling of unease and managed to stick the landing from the third floor.

My knees buckled but I pushed off as soon as I was able and sprinted across the shadowy parking lot and jumped the stone retaining wall lining the perimeter. Shouts and gunfire erupted from the building behind me and it only encouraged me to move faster.

With holding Tama with a firm but not uncomfortable grip, I scaled another low building and fled across the rooftops away from what had once been our home. There was only one thought at the forefront of my mind.

What were we going to do now?

* * *

 **AN:**

 **Hey everyone, I apologize for the break since my last update. Happy new year!**

 **I've been distracted from this story for a while partly because of my goldfish-like attention span and life getting hella busy these last few months. I don't want to abandon this story, though I've been having trouble making time to work on it.**

 **I hope you all enjoy this chapter and I look forward to any feedback or comments. Honestly I don't like the quality of this story in general so I may do some work on the earlier chapters to get them to a level I am more comfortable with but we will see how that goes. Writing in the first person is not my preferred style but its good practice.**

 **Hopefully the next chapter will come out sooner. I don't want them to be too short, but maybe if I make them about 2-3k I can get them out more often. Need to work on setting realistic expectations for myself. *smile***

 **Lastly, thank you all so much for all the favourites and follows! Every time I get a notification it motivates me to go back and work on this some more. So thanks, I really appreciate all the support.**


	7. Return

AN: I bet you thought you'd seen the last of me! Huehuehue. So after spending a long time avoiding this story and working on all sorts of new projects that will probably never see the light of day, I RETURN. And with a plan this time. I had given up on this story because I wasn't satisfied with it but I've decided to keep it going. I have a rough plan for an actual story arc and this section actually turned out much better than I was hoping. I have ideas for what to do in the next five chapters and now that Hiro has reached an appropriate age, I'm dialing back the timeskipping. I don't have any ideas for actually getting to the start of canon Tokyo Ghoul, but hey, I'll keep the door open for down the road.

I also learned that most of my other stories came about because I was procrastinating from writing this one... I hate how I am most productive when I am avoiding doing something else... figures

Enjoy!

* * *

 _Previously:_

 _I pulled her back into a hug, this time letting her head rest against my shoulder. "Setsuna-neesan is safe. She was hurt but people are taking care of her now." Tama shivered again and nodded and I gently rubbed small circles in between her shoulder blades. I could feel her begin to relax in my arms. She had evidently been worried for the older girl._

 _Our embrace broke quite suddenly with the beginnings of brutal sounding combat breaking out in the hall beyond. With that I knew it was past time for us to leave, and it would be best to do so as quickly and as quietly as possible. It wasn't that I didn't trust the trenchcoated Ghoul, because I didn't, but he was purposefully buying us time and I was not about to waste the opportunity._

 _"Come on Tama-chan, we need to leave while we still can." She nodded in understanding. I smiled at her, thankful she knew the situation well enough and she trusted me in times like this._

 _She let me pick her up and carry her and I moved over to the window and peered out. A handful of the operatives were approaching once more with their weapons readied but once they entered the building I would be in the clear. I waited for several more seconds before crouching and jumping out the window once Tama secured her arms around my neck and held on tightly._

 _The cool air buffeted my face as we fell and the familiar sensation of my stomach flipping upside down on itself made itself known to me once more. I still had trouble with heights… particularly the ones that involved falling from them. This time, with Tama in my arms, I forced down the feeling of unease and managed to stick the landing from the third floor._

 _My knees nearly buckled but I pushed off as soon as I was able and sprinted across the shadowy parking lot and jumped the stone retaining wall lining the perimeter. Shouts and gunfire erupted from the building behind me and it only encouraged me to move faster._

 _With holding Tama with a firm but not uncomfortable grip, I scaled another low building and fled across the rooftops away from what had once been our home. There was only one thought at the forefront of my mind._

 _What were we going to do now?_

* * *

I think it must mean that there is something deeply wrong with me if I think that a warm, clean bed, was incredibly uncomfortable. Then again, by this point I was no longer surprised by my inner contractions, or how many things felt backwards for me nowadays. Letting out a huff, I rolled over and pulled the soft cotton sheets and blankets tighter around my shoulders. My head sank into the feather pillow and the pillowcase was cool and smooth against my skin.

It was… nice.

It lasted only for half a minute before I rolled over the other way and readjusted the blankets. I was back to facing the open window and the moonlit sky beyond. Everything was quiet and calm. A perfect night.

And how unsettling it felt indeed.

I imagined sheep jumping over a fence, followed soon after by a surprisingly athletic cow catapulting itself into outer space where it ignited its own farts to function as a rocket booster. The cow aimed itself in an intercept trajectory with the distant moon. I silently observed the interplanetary bovine with the sheep surrounding me, they had given up hopping the fence and looked a bit put off by the who extravagant display.

"Steve always was a showoff…" one of the sheep said to me, as if it was a perfectly normal thing to say in such a situation.

Of course it had to be Steve. _Fuckin' Steve…_

As much as I wanted to curse the existence known as Steve and his spacefaring bovine reincarnation, I was distracted by the sound of the lock on my door unlatching with a soft *click.* I knew who it was, as it was a pattern that had been established for the past two days now.

The door cracked open and then was closed again, following by the silent interloper crossing the room to my bed where they stopped. She had taken a bath earlier in the evening and I could still clearly smell the scent of her borrowed shampoo that infused the air surrounding her with a light citrus scent.

"Hiro-nii?"

For the third time in half as many minutes, I rolled over to my other side, this time any intention of falling asleep nor pushed aside and momentarily forgotten. She was clutching the hem of her pale green pyjama top with both hands. They looked cute on her, and they had little space ships on them, but in the gloom, I could have sworn one of them looked like Steve. I blinked, and rubbed my eyes as I pushed myself up on my elbow.

"Can't sleep, Tama-chan?"

Tama nodded nervously. Her hair was still a little damp, and had been combed off to one side and hung down the right side of her face. Tama's dark brown eyes fixed intently on my face and her tiny pink lips split apart and she gently nibbled on her bottom lip. The expression was something no seven year old should be able to pull off and I found myself caving instantly.

I cursed Steve once more before lifting up the edge of my blankets and shuffling backwards to free up some space for her to join me. Her eyes immediately lit up in the darkness and she gave a small smile that masked the obvious relief in her posture. It was only a second later that she slid under the covers and cuddled up beside me.

Once I pulled the covers back over us I lay down on my back and wrapped my arm around the younger girl. Tama tentatively placed her arm across my stomach and pressed herself against my side, finally laying her head on my chest, with her ear directly above my heart. The fruity scent from her hair wafted into my nose and I did my best to draw some measure of comfort from her particular scent. I rubbed her shoulder through her pyjama top and she let out a deep breath, snuggling herself closer.

Tama managed to fall asleep quite quickly. In fact, barely a minute had passed since she settled down and she was out like a light. She tightened her grip on my and after a while, began shivering-her telltale sign of suffering another nightmare. I gently pressed my lips to the crown of her head and kissed her, inhaling her scent and tucking it away in the deep protected recesses of my mind.

The girl tensed at my touch, but eventually her breathing evened out and she managed to relax. Her leg shifted and settled on top of my thigh. I was thankful that my prepubescent body did not react, as the thought crossed my mind that such a thing would be wrong on so many levels.

I shut my eyes and evened out my breathing and in my mind's eye, Steve completed his orbit around the moon and slingshot himself back towards the Earth. The warm body snuggled beside me distracted me enough that I actually managed to drift off as I watched Steve burn up on atmospheric reentry.

That was why cows never went into space...stupid Steve…

* * *

Five circles clockwise.

Check.

Three circles counterclockwise.

Check.

Slowly taper off the pour with another two clockwise circles.

And...check!

I set the kettle down on the stove element and bent over to watch the dark brown liquid steadily drip from the filter into the waiting carafe. It was a slow but fascinating process. The aroma of the freshly brewed coffee flooded my senses, drawing me into some fantastical hallucination wherein the Starbucks woman laid waste to an army of teenage white girls-wearing ugg boots and infinity scarves-with Poseidon's trident, only she summoned a tsunami of coffee rather than seawater. I blinked the image away and glanced at my collecting brew just to make sure that there wasn't a kraken swimming around inside.

"Why are you doing that?"

I looked over to the chair at the end of the small table where Tama sat with her elbows propped on the edge, and her chin cradled in her cupped hands. The young girl wore a pale blue sweater that was about two sizes too big for her. The sleeves were long enough that she could completely wrap her hands in the fabric. We were inside and since it was warm and heated, she wore a pair of grey shorts that stopped just shy of her knees. Her feet were bare, and they kicked back and forth beneath the table.

"Hmm?"

Tama pointed with her sleeve-covered hand at the carafe where my coffee was being consolidated. I had been practicing for almost half an hour, and had consumed more coffee in that time than my entire life leading up to this point.

"I'm trying to figure out how Irimi-san does it. Her technique is so good that you can taste the difference right away whenever I hame it." I had given up very quickly of trying to imitate Yoshimura. The man was a god when it came to making a cup of coffee. He had made us some the other day when we first arrived to help us calm down, I had just run half way across the ward carrying Tama on my back the entire way. I was afraid he would turn us away but he only smiled in his grandfatherly way of his and ushered us in and out of the cold. It was almost as if he had been expecting me…

Yoshimura hadn't asked me a thing, only guided us upstairs and showed us a room where we could stay. Then he encouraged us to sleep and promised to speak to me in the morning. That was now three days ago. And in that time, I had been practicing my skills. If coffee was the only thing besides water that I would be able to drink for the rest of my life, I sure as hell wanted to know how to make it properly. It also might help me out if I ever wanted to look for a job… that's if things would even be normal enough by the time I was that old anyway.

"Why?" she asked with a slight tilt of her head that made her look utterly adorable. The last drops fell to the container below and I began to pour myself an experimental cup. There were almost half a dozen empty or mostly empty cups littering the kitchen of the breakroom where we had been for most of the morning so far. Some of them had been better than others but even my best cup was a far cry from anything served in the cafe beneath us.

"I'm planning ahead." I lifted the fresh cup to my lips and inhaled the steam through my nose. The airborne caffeine went straight to my head, immediately perking me up. This one smelled promising.

The girl fumed, obviously not understanding why I thought coffee was so important, but she watched on as I carefully took a sip, mindful not to burn my mouth. It would heal in a matter of moments but in the meantime my taste buds would be completely shot. Not exactly ideal for taste testing.

I took a small sip and let it flow across my tongue before allowing it to pool at the back of my throat.

"Ahh…" I exhaled after swallowing. That one was much better. Before I could offer the cup to Tama, the door of the staffroom swung open and Irimi stepped inside. From the corner of my eye, Tama froze the moment the door opened and she immediately shut in on herself. Her legs stopped their lazy swinging and she tucked them as far beneath her seat as they could go. She leaned forward, to make herself appear smaller. Her wide brown eyes locked onto me with a desperate intensity. I could see the fear and uncertainty. I positioned myself so I stood between Tama and our guest, even though we both had nothing to fear from the young woman.

Tama grasped a small handful of the back of my shirt. Thankfully, Irimi noticed the change and kept her distance, purposefully approaching the other end of the table from where Tama and I sat and stood, respectively. Irimi was wearing her normal work uniform, and her long black hair was tied up in a neat bun. She looked elegant and friendly, what with the tender smile she sent our way. She was trying to reassure Tama and hopefully make her feel more comfortable. I bowed my head in a gesture of thanks and her smile became a bit more relaxed. Irimi glanced at the table and my recent handiwork.

"I see you've been busy, Hiro-kun." She surveyed the mess I had yet to clean up, her expression both curiosity and exasperation, in a humorous sort of way. I held out my most recent batch for her to sample. Thankfully it was still hot and the best that I had managed to create thus far, not that my "coffee sense" was all that developed to begin with.

She accepted the cup from me, her warm slender fingers cupping my own momentarily. Then she pulled back and raised the cup, her nostrils fluttering as she studied my creation. Irimi smiled and her pink lips parted before she took a slow sip.

I watched carefully, a small part of me wishing her expression would show something besides smug satisfaction of someone sharing an inside joke and they already _knew_ you needed them to explain it to you. Finally she swallowed the rest of her drink. My eyes fell to her smooth throat and I watched with a morbid fascination as the muscles in her neck ferried my concoction into her body.

Oh boy…

Her long and satisfied exhalation afterwards was just a little bit too sultry for our company but damn was it effective. The small smirk she sent my way didn't help me much. If this was her new reaction to my coffee I was definitely going to capitalize on it.

"How was it?" The words left my mouth and a part of me died inside when she composed herself. The smile she gave was radiating warmth and no small amount of pride.

"That was good. Much better than when you started." Her smile shifted into an amused smirk. "But you still have quite a ways to go before you can make something we can serve here." She laughed when I stuck out my bottom lip in a childish pout. There goes that idea.

"Don't worry Hiro. It took me months before I could make anything half decent, and you have a big head start from when I first started working here," she said with a reassuring smile.

"Any suggestions on how I can improve?" I asked.

"The most important requirement is patience, which, somehow you already seem able to demonstrate." The woman paused and crossed her arms, holding the empty cup delicately by the rim. "It's almost as if…"

"As if what?"

"No, never mind." She shook her head then placed the cup in the sink. "Make sure you wash all these and I'll see if I can get some lunch brought up for the two of you."

I groaned inside my head, and she seemed to catch onto the gesture. I never liked washing dishes. Tama, however, pressed herself flush against my back and peered cautiously over my shoulder; spurred into semi-action at the mention of food. Irimi calmly watched Tama attach herself to me, but the girl refused to look at the young woman. She would have been lying to say that Tama's reaction was not concerning. I had not shared too many details with Irimi, but she knew we were the only two survivors from our group. I was the only one Tama had left.

Setsuna should be safe now, but there was no way of knowing for sure at this point. Even if I never got to see her again, I was relieved that she was away from us and free to live her own life. My feelings did not matter, I told myself, although I could not completely rationalize away the dull ache in my heart caused by her absence. Tama, however, was someone I would stay with and protect. Besides, she needed me just as much, if not more than, as I needed her. I reached behind me and grasped her small hand to give a reassuring squeeze. She laid her forehead against the base of my neck in a gesture of trust. I wouldn't leave her again.

Irimi stayed for a few more minutes for the rest of her break before collecting another package of beans to take back downstairs. In the meantime, I ferried over my assortment of cups and mugs I had been using over to the sink. Tama helped carry some of them but she stayed glued to my side the entire time the older ghoul was in the room with us.

At first I was a little confused why she stuck to me so much now but it made sense. Without Setsuna to look after her, I was the only one she had and even though the ghouls of Anteiku were friendly-with the exception of one-she didn't know any of them. The girl had a deep seated fear of strangers, not that I could blame her. Poor thing. Still, her presence was comforting and I enjoyed her mostly silent company. She reminded me of…

Well…

Someone I had been fiercely avoiding thinking about for months now. Up until this past week.

Would them knowing I was alive and "safe" be a relief for them or would it open old wounds? Wounds needed to be cleaned in order to heal properly though. But they had a right to know, right? I fisted my hands in the soapy dishwater, clenching the sponge far too tightly and keeping it from absorbing any of the hot water.

Tama was watching my every move, almost as if she was trying to memorize all my behaviors and patterns. What would she think?

"Ne, Tama, can I ask you something?"

The girl seemed surprised and her eyes widened slightly. After a brief moment of silence she pursed her lips and nodded.

 _Here we go…_

"Did you… have a family? Before… you know…" I couldn't bring myself to say the words themselves. I knew next to nothing about who Tama was, not even her family name. We didn't speak about our pasts during our time living together and Tama was practically mute except for when she was being taught by Setsuna or if she was with me. Asking her about this may stir up unpleasant memories and scare her, but I had to know…

"Ah…" I could see her begin to close in on herself right before my eyes. It sent a sharp spear of guilt through me. As her mind went to places she had no desire to revisit, her shoulders slumped forward and her head dipped, her eyes disappearing beneath the fringe of her bangs. I rinsed then dried my hands and gently grasped Tama's small shoulders. She flinched at the touch but did not pull away. She stood perfectly still like a statue, her breathing had gone incredibly shallow to the point that even my enhanced hearing had difficulty picking it up. That's if she was even still breathing at all.

"Gomen…"

She did not resist when I stepped closer and wrapped my arms around her, engulfing her in a gentle embrace. I pulled her to my chest and guided her head into the crook of my neck and began to stroke her hair softly. Her arms remained limp at her sides.

This was precisely why I did _not_ want to bring up this topic. I knew Tama had severe trust issues that probably stemmed from her time in the nest, if not before. Was it worth it to make her remember just because I was too scared to make a decision on my own?

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have brought it up." To my immense surprise and relief, Tama shook her head and her arms slowly encircled my waist. She clutched at my shirt. The uncomfortable silence stretched for several minutes at least before my wandering mind returned to when she inhaled sharply.

"I did…" she began, so softly that with her mouth pressed to the side of my neck, it was only the breath that fluttered upwards into my ear that allowed me to hear her.

"...my mother…"

To be honest, I was surprised. Obviously I knew she had parents at one point in her life. She wasn't a clone or something. My surprise came more at the fact that she _told_ me she had a mother. That implied a relationship far beyond a biological benefactor. What exactly that relationship meant for Tama, however, was beyond me. But judging from how some of the tension left her small frame and she snuggled deeper into my embrace, it could not have been such a bad thing. Right?

What would her mother have been like? I conjured up an image of a dark haired young woman in her early twenties in jeans and a green tee shirt. That was certainly an oddly specific image. I could tell Tama was thinking pretty hard about what to say. As far as I knew, none of us ever spoke about our families and this might have been the first time in over a year that she had to. I would not lie and say that she never thought about her parents, but it certainly was not something to be discussed.

What brought on my bout of curiosity though? I felt I was genuinely interested in what Tama had to say. On the one hand, she was so soft spoken that any conversation with her was like pulling teeth, just without the animosity, pliers, saliva, or anaesthetic. Okay, so it was nowhere near as bad as that sounded…

The girl sighed heavily and I could literally feel her reluctance. This whole thing was even harder for her than it was for me, and I was the one who brought it up. I opened my mouth to apologize right at the same time she pulled away from me, leaving me to stare at her with my mouth agape like a small fish. Her eyes were narrowed and she looked off to the side. Not at me. Had she always looked this pale? I could see her lower lip tremble as she stepped out from my arms. I let them fall limply to my sides.

I was taken aback. The girl suddenly looked much older than a seven year old, even one forced to live through what we both had. It was like the gradually growing spark in her eyes that I had tried my best to nurture and feed had died out right before my eyes. Extinguished by my own words. The reality of what I had just unleashed upon this poor girl was like a knife to the heart.

I-

"She sold me…"

With that, she walked from the room like a dead person, without another word or backwards glance. I watched her go, unable to move or say anything.

 _Crap_

~0~

Three hours had passed since Tama locked herself into our room and refused to come out or let anyone in. I could have blamed her, but I didn't. It wasn't her fault. I was the one who had to go ahead and seek advice from someone traumatized just like I was. Had it really not clicked in why we never spoke about it before? Any of us?

In my hand, I carried a small shopping bag that was half full of various things. Until such a time that we had a home to ourselves, Yoshimura had insisted on us staying in the spare rooms above Anteiku. A part of me wanted to refuse, but on our first night, one look at Tama wrapped in a fluffy pink bathrobe asleep with her head in my lap had destroyed any arguments I might have come up with. The cafe was quite possibly the safest place in all of Tokyo for a young homeless ghoul like her. I couldn't justify taking that away from her. The best thing for her would be for me to stay close by until she got settled and became comfortable around Irimi and the others.

That particular memory felt so bittersweet now.

I had been doing so well and Tama was getting better each day. Until I had to go and do something like that. For what? To ask her if I should go find my own family just because I was too damn scared to make the decision on my own?

Carrying two more shopping bags containing my purchases, and walking beside me was Irimi. She was being subtle about it but she was keeping a sharp eye on our surroundings. I kept my own vigil too, even though I was not exactly sure on what I was looking for. Everything felt _normal_ out here.

"Is there anything else you would like to get before we head back?" Irimi asked from beside me as we passed another store. I was actually a bit relieved she decided to come with me. How old was she now? She couldn't have been more than thirty, at least she didn't look it.

She would have to be only a few years younger than-

Stop it.

My response was on the tip of my tongue when a faint cry from somewhere off to my right drew my attention. My head snapped around in the direction but the only thing there was an alleyway. I stopped, and peered into the gloom, trying to listen.

"Hiro?"

"I heard something…"

I waited for a moment but as I turned to continue on I heard the cry once more, accompanied by a faint scratching. It was midday, so the odds of it being a ghoul victim were rather low, or so I hoped. Ignoring Irimi's surprised gasp, I set off into the alley with the woman in hot pursuit. The sounds grew louder as we went further. I rounded a corner behind the building and there on the ground behind an overflowing dumpster was a shoebox without a lid. As interesting as shoeboxes were and footwear in general, it was what lay inside that caught my eye.

It was obviously a baby, barely a few weeks old if that, with pitch black hair with a few streaks of white along its forepaws and the tip of its tail. The tiny creature looked up with two bright gold eyes that widened to the size of saucers. The closest thing I had ever had to owning a pet had been guinea pigs once upon a time, and before I could stop myself, I was already reaching into the shoebox to scoop up the little kitten.

It hissed and scratched at my approaching fingers. The kitten's tiny claws found grip on my skin but were unable to draw blood. The bite that followed a moment later had much the same result. Thanks ghoul skin. While the small creature was distracted by gnawing on my fingers, I picked it up. The struggle was brief but intense, but the kitten eventually _allowed_ itself to be held. I used the term rather loosely. It refused to relinquish its bite or retract the claws, however.

The small black kitten glared angrily at me. _The nerve_ , I pictured it saying, _of this creature to pick me up._ That sharp attitude suddenly reminded me of a someone and I sighed despondently, knowing that there was literally no other name I could possibly now choose for the adorable little creature.

"What did you find… oh? Is that a kitten?" Irimi descended beside me and knelt to inspect the tiny terror assaulting my fingers.

I nodded. "Can I take it back with us?"

"I don't see why not. The little guy seems to have taken a liking to you, that's for sure." Irimi chuckled, a warm pleasant sound. She reached out to stroke the kitten's head but it hissed and snapped at her. She simply smiled, like the whole thing felt nostalgic to her.

Yoshimura wasn't exactly thrilled when we returned from our expedition with the little one gnawing away at my hand, desperately seeking blood. He took one look a the kitten and set me firmly in his sights. "It stays upstairs and any mess it makes is your responsibility."

I nodded. I was surprised the man was allowing me to keep it here at all, actually. What I was going to do with the tiny terror had not really sank in yet but that could wait. I carried the kitten into the staffroom on the second floor and dropped my bag on the counter. Irimi had already gone upstairs to leave my other purchases in my room. That was of course considering if Tama would let her in.

For some reason, and one that I was thankful for, the girl was at least somewhat tolerable with Irimi's presence. Although, without me being there, and after what I had just did to her… I had no idea how she would react right now.

Yes, I felt the need to apologize, but what good were simple words after what I had just dredged up.

I took out a last minute addition to my purchases, a can of cat food, and emptied it into a small bowl. I grabbed a second bowl and filled it with water from the pitcher on the desk and set them down on the floor. The kitten released its fangs from my index finger and its nose twitched excitedly. It practically leapt atop my divine offering with zeal. I sat back on the floor to watch the small creature messily shove its face into the bowl of meaty mush.

"I wonder what happened to _your_ mother..."

In classic feline fashion, the kitten utterly ignored me and continued to feast. I wasn't surprised. If the cat had turned around and actually answered me I would have probably punted it across the room on reflex.

I never did take well to being surprised.

The black kitten squeaked and peered up at me strangely. Oh _now_ you pay attention to me. As if understanding my frown, the kitten's ears flattened to its tiny skull and bared its fangs.

Then I realized that it wasn't glaring at me, but rather, someone behind me.

"You know" a tired and irritated sound girl began, "-seeing you do something like this really makes it hard to stay mad at you."

Well that was certainly a way to bring yourself into a conversation. The older girl plopped down onto the floor a couple feet away from me. Close enough to be considered "beside" but also carefully out of reach.

"Et tu, Touka-san?"

To my surprise, the kitten abandoned its food and scampered over to me, burrowing itself into my lap and peaking out at the violet-blue haired girl over my leg. That...was certainly not a reaction I had been expecting from the small creature that had been trying to eat me not half an hour earlier…

Wait…

I would have slapped myself had it not looked so strange, nor the fact that both my hands had already cradled the kitten in a small protective cocoon.

It wasn't biting me this time. Huh.

"Haah? What's that supposed to mean?" Touka glared.

It took me a very long moment to try and remember what I had just said. Perhaps speaking a Latin phrase from Shakespeare to a Japanese teenager wasn't the greatest way of making a statement. Did they even teach Shakespeare in Japan? Hell if I was supposed to know. The last time I had been to school was… technically never… actually.

It had been a long time since something came up like that. An old reflex belonging to someone here no longer but still held sway over me.

"It means 'and you,' although the one who said it was in the process of being betrayed and murdered." I glanced over at the older girl and to my surprise, she actually looked amused.

Touka tilted her head and her eye quickly darted up and down over my body. Was she re-evaluating me?

"I'm sorry about what I did to Yoriko."

The words came out surprisingly easily. I _was_ sorry for hurting her, but considering Touka already kicked me in the side of the head, I figured we were even. Maybe that was why the apology slipped out. That, or I didn't know what else to say to her at this point in time.

It had been three days since Tama and I "moved in" at Anteiku, and this was my first real conversation with the girl. The first day she glared angrily at me and ignored me for the rest. That was fine. I should clarify: moving in was not quite accurate since we didn't bring anything with us in the first place. The only thing I had on me when I arrived was the package of meat Yoshimura had given me…

Oh

You know that feeling when you just realized you forgot something _really_ _important?_

To be completely fair, I had at least one or two other things on my mind since that day so I could not totally blame myself for forgetting. But since it was something that I had kept with me as a self imposed promise for nearly eight months now, it was kind of a big deal.

A chill went down my spine and I shivered. Touka, who had been heavily scrutinizing me ever since my apology, immediately caught my shift in posture. Even the kitten took notice of my sudden change and nuzzled my cupped fingers questioningly.

"I…"

When was the last time I watched the sunrise?

I knew the answer to that question easily. It was four days ago. I had not been able to for the past three because I slept in an actual bed and had a traumatized seven year old girl clinging to me each night to ward off her nightmares. That prevented me from being to be unable to sleep so I actually slept in quite late for me.

I knew it was not in any of my pockets, as much as the urge to pat myself down told me to do so. After all, the only thing I had with me when I got here was a package of prepared food and some loose change. Certainly there was no small black cloth pouch that I had kept on me ever since…

Why did I remember it _now_ though?

My eyes flicked to the doorway and I was flooded with an unbearable urge to get _out._

There was only one place it could be, and the location came to me instantly. At the time, it didn't matter. They were only my old clothes, and getting to the rooftops was much more important. Why did I leave it in the bag instead of putting it back in my pocket? Oh, right. Irimi had given me new clothes to wear after my first shower in… a long time.

Touka looked like she wanted to say something but it looked like she was intentionally holding herself back. I ignored her in favour of scooping up the kitten and placing it down beside its half devoured dinner. Without much encouragement or preamble, the little furball attacked the food once more so I stood and headed to the door.

"Where are you going?"

She actually sounded concerned. Or was she just confused by my behaviour? Was this so important that I would use it to avoid a conversation with this girl who seemed to be in the midst of extending an olive branch?

"Keep an eye on Steve for me."

Her eyes widened in surprise.

"Sutiibu?"

It may have been weird that I pronounced it in perfect english without an accent whatsoever in comparison. I pointed at the small feasting animal. "Hai. Steve."

Touka's bewilderment was quite obvious.

Fortunately I had not been inside long enough to take off my jacket, as I had come to feed Steve barely a handful of minutes earlier. So I reached for the door to head out before I forgot or got sidetracked again. With luck, I should be back within a few hours, as it wasn't all that far away and now that I knew the route it would be even easier.

A faint pitter patter of child sized feet in the hallway barely registered to me as I pulled the door open just as someone else had the same idea. Of course, the door moved much faster than either of us had anticipated and it caught me off guard.

"Ah-" "Oh-"

We both vocalized our surprise simultaneously.

I think the sudden shock knocked both of us off guard to the extent that neither of us could move, let alone breathe. At least we didn't collide with one another and send each other to the floor where we would groggily come to terms with out new surroundings and start screaming in surprise. Or collide and end up kissing one another. That would be just weird… thanks brain...

Maybe that would have been preferable to the complete and utter body binding paralysis that struck me.

Dark hazel-brown eyes widened to almost comical proportions and a pair of eyebrows rocketed upwards to disappear beneath low hanging bangs. A small nose was set perfectly above a gaping mouth hanging open as the words died at the back of their throat. There was still a tiny bit of baby fat clinging to the neck and cheeks of their pale skin. It looked so soft. My eyes barely moved to examine the face right before me before returning to _her_ eyes.

There was a tarnished butterfly hairpin clipped to the left side of her head… I noted...

It would be fair to say that in that moment, any plans I held for recovering my keepsake from my former roommate had already been thrown out the window.

Touka gasped loudly.

Steve squeaked in confusion at the sudden intrusion.

The girl standing right before me, with her hand holding the other side of the doorknob, looked like she was trapped somewhere between absolute terror and disbelief. She was maybe an inch taller than me. A strange thing to take notice of, but I couldn't stop comparing myself to her and I was sure my face was mirroring her expression perfectly.

After all, this was _not_ something I expected to happen.

Expected? Sure. Eventually. But definitely not planned or anticipated. I wanted to do this at some point but it was stuck in my head in the place where whimsical fantasies were kept, rather than actual goals. At least that was something I remembered struggling with a long time ago.

"I-" "You-"

Neither of us could formulate actual words.

How long had I dreamed of seeing her face again? I caught her scent almost immediately and like a powerful pheromone, I couldn't turn myself away, even if I had wanted such a thing. She smelled like many things that I didn't bother classifying but there was one singular aspect that triggered a deep sensation. Memories. Time spent in a bed together snuggling for warmth. Playing on the floor with small toys. Holding hands as we walked. Her smiling face.

Her eyes sought mine with a desperate intensity like I was about to turn into smoke. She swallowed, noticeably, and tried again. Her lips were trembling.

 _That's_ what the feeling was. It was incomplete bu without a shadow of a doubt, it reminded me of one thing.

 _Home._

"Nii...chan?"


	8. Home

It was like looking in a mirror, only, _not._

"Nii...chan?" the stunned girl before me asked again.

Her soft brown-hazel eyes were wide, her mouth half agape. It suddenly struck me how _normal_ she looked. To be completely honest, I wasn't sure what I had been expecting. There was no one else I could think of who looked so damn similar to the face I saw in the mirror that morning. There were differences, of course. The most obvious of which would be our hairstyles. While my single braid reached the length of my back, her hair was just long enough to reach her shoulders and was held back by a butterfly hair clip.

Her skin was slightly tanned, and noticeably darker than mine. After all, my epidermis still had yet to adapt to sunlight, even after several months. I never stayed out long enough for it to darken. If I did, I burned far too easily. I thought I looked like a vampire or a ghoul of some kind...

Oh wait.

She lacked the scar on her cheek that I had. It had faded over the years and wasn't all that noticeable, but its absence on a face so similar to my own was disturbing. She noticed it on mine though, and I could have sworn her eyes widened even further when she did.

"Hey…" I swallowed a massive lump in my throat.

I think… I didn't know what to think, actually. All the plans and thoughts on how to approach my sister I had been stewing over didn't actually prepare me at all for actually _interacting_ with her. It was always a matter of working up the courage to find her, then apologize for making her believe I was dead. After that? What was I supposed to do?

Hinami released her hold on her side of the doorknob and her trembling fingers reach up towards my face. I tried not to flinch away, I really did, but the narrowing of my eyes and small step backwards seemed to startle her. I _did not_ want to react like I did with Touka and Yoriko. I'd never forgive myself if I did something like that again, especially to her.

"Hiro? Is that you?"

My knees nearly buckled. How long did I wish for her to say my name again? Something so simple but it meant more to me that I could ever have anticipated. I could only stare at her as I struggled to formulate some type of response.

I grit my teeth and nodded, quite shakily.

She sounded shocked, although I could empathise with her. Her words were barely above a whisper and she seemed like she was trying not to pinch herself. I couldn't ignore the pained look when I flinched away from her.

 _Enough of this_ , I told myself. _She's right there! Your sister you haven't seen in eight years!_

My eyes began to burn and her face slipped out of focus. My arms felt like lead, but I fought to lift my right hand up to her. She followed the motion and bit her lip as the tips of my fingers gently brushed her cheek.

"It's me, Hinami."

The dam broke.

I cupped her cheek, feeling the soft warmth that felt so alien yet overwhelmingly familiar. I wasn't sure which of us moved first. It may have been a combined act anyway. One moment, Hinami was pressing her cheek into my palm like a kitten, and the next we closed the distance between us and our arms wrapped around each other tightly. Desperately.

Not a single inch of space existed between us as we clung to one another. I couldn't even think clearly. I was so afraid of what would happen when we met, but all those fears simply ceased to exist. I was tense, and she obviously felt it, but I nearly came undone in her arms.

I had always been a very physical person when it came to expressing sentimentality or affection. I craved it, and when it was not reciprocated, I felt hollow. Among family or lovers, it was incredibly important to me. When I was an infant and toddler again, I relished the attention and warmth. It was wonderful.

Hinami was warm. So incredibly warm. Her hair clung to my moistened face and although her entire body was trembling, she somehow found the strength to remain standing. My legs had long since given up and I clung to her not only out of blissful relief and affection. I feared I would collapse if she let go.

There was a choking gasp from behind me and Touka muttered something to the effect of "oh my god," but I honestly did not care. She fell silent after that-out of respect or surprise I don't think I'll really know. But she seemed content to wait for us to finish.

If I had my way, she would be left waiting for a very long time.

While I was momentarily distracted, Hinami caressed my back and fiddled with my braid, letting it flow between her fingers. She probably had no idea what it symbolized or meant to me, but it must have signified something to her. More so than just me being here, it symbolized time in a way that she obviously recognized. The time we spent apart. What would she think when I explained it to her? Would she be horrified? Could she even understand?

I don't think either of us really understood what we were feeling, or how much of it. A part of me was surprised-but incredibly relieved-that she recognized me. From what I learned prior, it would have been near impossible for her _not_ to know about me. The fact that she knew who I was instantly meant many things.

She remembered me.

Most importantly for me, I felt relief. It had been oh so very long since I felt the way I did now. Whole, complete, warm, safe. Maybe it was a twin thing, but it suddenly felt like no time had passed between us. Like she was still the clingy toddler I used to know. My mind and body reminded me otherwise, but I tried to hold onto that sensation. I don't know how deep her's went for me, but I already knew that the foundation of our relationship remained. I still trusted her.

Did I?

I wanted to say yes, that I did in fact feel the same way about my sister that I did when we were little. But, maybe I was only being desperate in seeking her affection that I already decided that I trusted her, whether I actually did or not. Desperation and loneliness did crazy thing to you.

I shut my eyes and let everything apart from my long lost twin drift away. Her scent was still the same. Somehow I remembered the smell from so long ago, even though so much time had passed and those years I spent living as a nearly empty shell. There had been just enough of me buried there that I held onto it.

Oversimplified, yes, but not incorrect.

Hinami was now on the verge of collapse. I tried to think about how she felt right now but it was difficult to focus. All I wanted to do was sleep; like I finally felt comfortable enough to allow myself to relax.

I was the first to pull back, and I could feel both her surprise and her reluctance. It wasn't because I wanted to separate, because I kept my arms wrapped around her shoulders. No, I just wanted to look at her some more. Our foreheads met, just like the hugs we would share so long ago.

"I-it's really you? Isn't it?"

Even though she was sniffling through her tears, I could tell she was smelling me too. And whatever she found, it was as powerful for her as it was for me. Her lips parted in a small smile.

"You're really here?"

We stared at each other for a very long time, our eyes scanning and taking in every detail.

"Hinami I-"

"Hinami-chan?"

We both froze. Our eyes locked and went wide at the exact same time. I could feel Hinami begin to pull away. Or was she trying to pull me with her?

That voice.

I took a shaky step forward. Towards that voice. Though her cheeks were stained with teartracks, Hinami _beamed_ as we moved simultaneously. It was like a shared response that neither of us fully understood or could explain, but we both acted upon it instinctively.

We staggered into the hallway together, neither of us relinquishing our hold on the other, and left Touka and Steve behind. The two of us made our way down the stairs and into the cafe, where the voice had originated from.

Koma and Yoshimura were behind the bar, and there were only a small handful of other customers in. I noted that none of them were human. Of course, that thought was thrown so hard to the backburner that it sailed clear over the stove and fell down behind it and out of sight. And out of mind.

The scent of of _home_ that engulfed Hinami like a warm blanket was even more prevalent. It saturated the air, and I choked out a strangled sob. Hinami's grip tightened as she half dragged my stumbling self along towards the scent.

Yoshimura was smiling as we passed, and several of the more regular customers watched with unrestrained shock. It seemed most of them were aware of the situation and the clattering of cups and cutlery followed us across the cafe. Irimi took one look at the two of us and smiled wider than I had ever seen her do so before.

We reached the end of the bar and the few tabled tucked around the corner when I finally saw her.

She sat facing the wide windows and cradled a steaming drink in her cupped hands. Her outfit was plain and ordinary. She wore a light green sweater overtop a long white skirt, with a wide leather belt across her stomach. Her right leg was crossed over her left, exposing her legs and black shoes. The entire ensemble was something you would see on a librarian or someone who dressed up a little bit for the day. It was simple, yet looked like it favoured comfort above all else.

It was also the most beautiful sight I had seen in a very long time.

She turned her head towards us as we approached and the afternoon sunlight caught her light brown hair; making it shine and sparkle like silken gold. She didn't look a day over thirty, but there was an aura of weariness and exhaustion clinging to her that made her feel much older. Her soft hazel eyes immediately focused on Hinami, like some maternal instinct, but her attention quickly shifted over to me.

My sister and I must have looked like quite the pair. Tear-stained faces and watery smiles. All I could think of was how warm I felt. It was nothing like the dark and stuffy underground or the heat made in a fresh bath of blood. I basked in the gentle heat from the sunshine and I had never felt better.

The fear, anger, anxiety, and insecurities constantly plaguing me with a connection as unbreakable as my own shadow had lifted. They would return in due time, but with the reprieve I felt lighter than air.

Her eyes flicked between us, comparing one to the other in a way that she had probably long ago given up hope of ever doing so again.

"Hinami?"

Both of us responded. Hinami with overflowing tears of happiness. I with tears of relief. It had been so long. So very long that all I had were memories of her smiling face. Only, the face had long since faded away. The sensation, the feeling and her aura, had always remained.

The teacup clattered on the plate as she turned to fully face us. She stared in shock, her entire body had frozen.

"I-it can't be…" she breathed in barely a whisper.

I don't know where Hinami pulled her courage from, but she took the first step towards our mother, and carried me with her.

Ryouko, _my mother_ , tentatively reached towards me, as if reaching out for a mirage in a dream. I braced myself, afraid I would react to her touch harshly and I squeezed my eyes shut. In my self imposed darkness I held my breath and waited for the masked bird to appear with a wicked grin and a quinque scalpel.

I waited.

And waited but it never came, like something shielded me from the shadows.

Just as I was beginning to grow afraid of its absence, a warm had cupped my cheek.

The sudden heat flooded into me and my fear vanished, replaced by the soft and gentle touch. So tender.

"It is you…"

My eyes cracked open as my beautiful mother knelt before me, our faces nearly at the same level.

"M-mom?"

My throat was not prepared to speak and my voice came out in a terrified squeak. It didn't sound pretty. In fact, it grated on my ears and I hated the feeling of that lump in my throat.

However,

To my mother, as evident by the smile that threatened to split her face in two, it was the most wonderful sound in the whole world. The first tears spilled from her glistening orbs and she felt my face, gently moving her thumb over the scar on my cheek.

"I always knew…I knew you were still alive…" Ryouko said shakily. Her voice trembled with the emotions coursing through her. "I tried to find you but we never knew... oh kami...I'm so sorry...Hiro…"

She smiled through her tears as she apologized. The woman looked both terrified and ashamed.

"But I never stopped believing…"

Hinami's grip tightened considerably when she said that. I didn't know if it was denial or faith that she pursued, or if it was guilt that plagued her, but at this point I could only imagine how sweet her vindication and relief must taste.

"Oh my poor boy...could you ever forgive your Okaa-san?"

How could she ask me something like that? It was my fault for leaving. It was because of me she had to suffer. Had she truly blamed herself this entire time? She must have put herself through hell in doing so.

It would seem she did. The pain in her eyes pierced right through me. Eight years of living with the fear and guilt. If I could ease that burden of her unconditional love, I would do it in a heartbeat.

I stepped closer, keeping an arm wrapped around my twin as I reached out with my free hand. Ryouko tracked my arm and I pressed my hand to her cheek as well, just like I had with Hinami, and mirrored her own.

How how long I had dreamed of this. It had long since become something I could only imagine, not an actual possibility. But now, I could scarcely believe it was actually real. I was afraid Steve-the cow, not the kitten-would come crashing through the window and jostle me awake. But as the seconds stretched by, he never showed up. I didn't know what else to say but a memory from a long time ago resurfaced in my mind.

 _Hinami and I were with Tou-san. It was a warm summer day and Tou-san carried us, one in each arm, for a brief walk around the neighbourhood. He placed us down on the front steps when we got back and he quickly explained what we were supposed to say when we returned to announce our presence to our family. He knelt before us and his glasses glinted in the light as he looked between myself and my two year old twin._

" _Do you remember what to say?" he asked us._

 _I nodded happily but Hinami was too distracted by his short scruffy beard._

" _Tadaima!" I squeaked excitedly._

" _Hai! Good work Hiro! Okaa-san will be very happy to hear you say it!"_

 _Hinami scrunched up her face as she tried to imitate me. "Taa-daa-ma?"_

 _Asaki laughed at her adorable expression and I grinned along with him. "Ta-dai-ma," he repeated. "Try it again sweetie."_

 _Hinami struggled on the word a few more times before she finally got it and when she did, she looked right at me and giggled. I took her hand and pulled her towards the door. Tou-san followed and he unlocked the way for us. With a large smile on my face, I pushed the door open and stepped inside, taking a deep breath and shouting with all my little lungs..._

"Tadaima."

Her smile warmed my heart. She laughed and tilted her head to the side, letting the sunlight shine upon her head like a golden halo.

"Okaerinasai" she whispered through her tears, no doubt having dreamed and hoped with all her heart to be able to say those words again.

* * *

 **So it's been a hot minute since I updated and I've had this chapter pretty much done since my last one but never got around to posting it. Sorry for it being a short one, but I think I've done enough with the cliff hangers as it is.**

 **Thanks to everyone who keeps reading this and faving and following. I do have a rough idea for where this story can go from here as this is kind of where I wanted to start originally, so yay the prologue is done? Something like that.**

 **No promises on when I'll update again, so until such a time as I do, I think this is an okay place to leave it for a while.**


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